Breathe
by dariachenowith
Summary: Delilah Norton always wanted to see Pandora with her own eyes. And kick some RDA asses. Only when she gets her wish, reality turns out to be a lot more than she bargained for. Slightly AU/OOC.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Everything Avatar belongs to J. Cameron. I just borrowed the world and run with it.**

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**Prologue - Pandora, September 2151****  
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I had been fascinated with Pandora from the first time I had seen pictures of its vast forests.

Most people on Earth longed for the beauty and nature the vids showed. The absence of smog and technology, to them it seemed like an oasis, paradise of sorts. To me it presented opportunity.

Back in high school our biology teacher had us working on the first publications of Dr. Grace Augustine that would later become her ground breaking book. Everyone had oohed and aahed over the foreign beauty, while I had never quite gotten what they were going on about. Until I saw the design of what Dr. Augustine described as the Na'vi's 'Hometree', which had opened my eyes. Even then I had been interested in how things worked, how they were built, and seeing this perfect fusion of biological design and functionality had made me realize that I longed for one thing above everything else - to stand there and see it with my own eyes.

Young and idealistic, I hadn't been deterred by the odds that spoke against me ever reaching that goal. My grades had always been good but from that day on I made it my mission to excel at everything to prove myself worthy, different from the crowd. I got lucky and after my engineering degree I ended up in the RDA funded biotech program that ultimately let me shove my foot into the door of the Avatar Program. I even betrayed my principles for it.

My beef with the RDA stemmed from several things. For one, I held them responsible for the death of my only brother. Ivan had been working for a civil contractor on one of the moons of Mars where the RDA had built a mining facility back in the late 2090s. Forty years later accidents started to occur in the colony there, and they simply abandoned the settlers when the ore deposits they had been mining for were depleted. My family was not exactly thrilled when I accepted a stipend from the very corporation that had already robbed them of one child. But I had my reasons.

I still hadn't been able to shake off the guilt at betraying my brother's legacy, so I joined one of the many factions at the university that protested against the RDA. At first I thought the ILF - the Interstellar Liberation Front - was just the average group of tree huggers, like all the rest. Then I found out that they were not only talking and spending their time singing in front of the RDA headquarter, but had been working undercover against the corporation for years. I agreed with most of their principles and ignored the others, and they were eager to support me when they learned of my involvement with the RDA. They were always looking for moles to plant in key positions, and I saw my chance to get a step closer to Pandora.

One of the leaders of my group knew someone who knew someone, and within months they got me an interview with the resident RDA department that was working on the Avatar Program. Or at least I believed them when they told me they had arranged it, it never occurred to me to check myself. It was years later that I found out that my previous thesis advisor had forwarded my ideas to an old friend of his, and was more likely the mentor that opened doors for me.

Either way I got the job, and spent the next three years working on how to perfect the amnio tank system the avatars were grown in. While my interest in Pandora had been sparked by the architectural ideas, the actual translation on a biological level was what gripped me hard and never let go again. While there had been significant breakthroughs on a biotechnological level in medicine over the last 150 years, the whole field of cloning and working with complex biological systems had been completely on hold since the public had always been strictly against it. I would always marvel at how the RDA had sold the concept that tinkering with _alien_ DNA was that much less reprehensible, even though the avatars were 50 percent human in their genetic makeup. I certainly never protested. The avatars would never have a conscious mind of their own, they were just the biological equivalent of the military equipment used on battlefields all over our planet, and sometimes beyond. They were tools, even if they had a heartbeat.

And then, one day, it seemed as if all my work of a lifetime was about to pay off. I got a new assignment, destination: Pandora.

My family threatened to abandon me, but I didn't care. My friends were appalled that I would literally sell my life to the RDA to hunt after a stupid notion, but I didn't care. My supervisor even warned me that Hell's Gate, the research and mining complex I would be stationed at, was one of the most hostile and beatdown places in the whole galaxy, but I didn't care.

Five years later I woke up from cryo sleep, and still my enthusiasm was unperturbed. While all the others were busy eating their first meal in nearly seventy months I floated over to one of the windows and gazed down at my new home, the blue and green moon of Polyphemus.

Of course reality came crashing in soon afterwards.

On Earth I had been a step below team leader, spending my days over virtual drawing boards and my nights building the miniatures of the designs I had come up with. It had been a while since I had to dirty my hands as most things were assembled by machines in our hyper technological world.

Too bad that the flux vortex inherent to most of Pandora, combined with the solar flares from not one, but two suns, messed up pretty much every single piece of equipment. The avatars themselves might have been the single most advanced piece of technology Earth had given 'birth' to in a century, but in Hell's Gate we had to pretty much work with the equipment no more intricate than that of the beginning of the twenty-first century.

So I, dreamer and visionary, became the maintenance gal for pretty much the whole Avatar Program. Fried circuits, unreliable data feeds, disrupted links, it all came down to me fixing it.

At first I was devastated, feeling like all my efforts had been for naught. I had to realize that the pretty pictures they showed on the news feeds at home were just that, pretty pictures. The reality on Pandora was grizzly and brutal, ready to chew you up and spit you out in peaces.

I was even contemplating suicide after three months of being a grease monkey in all but name when one night I had a chat with my own personal heroine, Grace Augustine. Who turned out to be a vapid bitch, no less, but her parting words to me made me realize that I would only forsake myself if I gave up. Smirking down at me as I was trying to re-assemble the link unit I had been working on for days, she offered me some food for thoughts.

"It's easy to be a visionary, but it wasn't the people who sat at home and fawned over their own greatness who made all the interesting discoveries. It's always been those that got down and dirty with the facts, and more often than not the actual dirt, who win the prize. So quit whining and get this piece of scrap metal working, I need to go in tomorrow without any random disconnects every ten minutes!"

I had been taken aback at first, but then I saw the truth in her words.

Of course that had been before they gunned her down and pretty much killed most of her research, but her words stuck with me.

And after all, if I wanted to see Hometree, being on the same moon already was a good starting point, right?

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**A/N: Thanks for showing some interest for my venture into the Avatar fandom!**

**This story is rated M for violence and language, not for smut. Just saying. I'm also posting without having anyone correct my grammar, so if for any reason that doesn't float your boat, please don't read it. I'll try to stick mostly to canon (script & movie) but will deviate in some places to wedge the 'new' parts of the story in with the original. I'm sorry if some parts are a little heavy on the techno babble, but I just can't help it - professional hazard. I hope you have as much fun reading as I have writing! See you hopefully soon on chapter 1!  
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	2. Chapter 1: Meet Jake Sully

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

**I've been asked if this story makes much sense if the reader hasn't seen the movie. You'll likely be missing a lot of background info that I won't repeat in detail, but the story itself will hopefully stand well on its own. I'm happy to answer any questions those who wanna give it a try might have.  
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Chapter 1: Meet Jake Sully****  
****Pandora, May 2154**

"Hey, Dee, have you seen our newest addition, Meals On Wheels already?"

Just hearing the nagging voice of Ed Thompson made me want to sigh, or even better, bash his face in, but as I never found myself in the position to do the latter, I tried to keep calm and moderately interested at what I presumed was the twentieth time he cracked that very joke that day.

"No, did we get new equipment?"

The two soldiers exchanged glances and laughed, and Thompson's face lit up as he realized he had found a new victim for his ill-begotten humor in me.

"Nah, not quite. Just some ex marine in a wheel chair. Can you believe this shit, a lame guy in this shithole? But you should be relieved, finally someone even more ill-suited to be here than you, princess!"

Grinding my teeth I shrugged as I turned towards the door.

"I bet he'll break less equipment than you do! Last time I had to rig the servos on your Amp Suit you blew them without even leaving the hangar. Guess it needs a special kind of genius for that."

Luckily I had my exopack ready and could escape before the two idiots could come up with a reply. Nothing beat banter with the local troops before my fifth cup of coffee.

When I started on Pandora, my main focus had been on keeping the link room up and running, and helping with glitches everywhere else in the Avatar Program. But since diplomatic relations had cooled down considerably and less and less new avatars were brought up here, the RDA had assigned me to other duties. There was always a shortage of everything when it came to the military equipment - if nothing else, the Na'vi were experts on dismembering the Amp Suits - and before long my quirk for experimenting with things had turned into me being the go-to girl for unconventional repairs.

Sometimes they worked. Sometimes stuff I had modified blew up seemingly at random. What could I say, my affiliates had a thing for explosives.

_Meals on Wheels_, that was the first mention of Jake Sully I heard. I couldn't help it, but the thought of someone in a wheel chair up here at Hell's Gate was peculiar. Then again the avatars were controlled by geeky lab rats who hadn't run five miles in their entire lives, I figured it was just the same if you had functional legs or not for that.

My first impression of his actions I got a few minutes later when I stood in the devastation that had previous been the Ambient Room, the room where the avatars 'woke up' for the first time. Everyone seemed to be cheering that while most drivers needed weeks to be in sync with their avatars, he had just stood up and walked out. Hoorah. If not for the fact that he had pretty much destroyed the whole equipment in there along the way I could have been ecstatic, too.

I hated working in the wake up room for the avatars. Most of the repairs for the military equipment were done in the pressurized part of the Armor Bay, but the Ambient Room was kept at Pandoran conditions all the time, so exopack it was for me. Every breath I took whooshed noisily through the mask, and that drove me crazy. I normally wouldn't have minded so much about the repairs as all the spare parts should have been readily available and freshly built by the time the next ship arrived, but this time we had three instead of just two new avatars, and the decanting of the last one was scheduled in only a few days from now. So last minute improvised repairs it was.

The first time that I actually met Jake was a few days later, after he had become the star and center of attention of the whole base.

It was late at night, and I was standing outside in what we called the avatar sand box jokingly. My exopack was humming on my shoulders, but I had just taken the mask off, staring into the night as I held my breath.

Two minutes and forty-three seconds was my own personal record. I had set my timer to 2:30, just to be on the safe side. I might not be able to breathe the air, but I could feel it caress my skin with its warm touch for two and a half minutes, and whenever I was sure I was alone, I did so. My moment of tranquility. My moment of peace. No one came out here at night, and I could be myself for just two minutes and thirty seconds.

"Shit, is something wrong with your pack? Here, take mine, we'll share on the way back into the facility!"

The unfamiliar voice behind me made me shriek, losing all my precious air supply. I nearly dropped my pack, too, but before anything else could happen I got a good grip on the mask and pushed it back onto my face, the engaging seal and consequent influx of oxygen the most beautiful sound in the world.

As I turned around, ready for some superior or other bashing me for standing idle instead of doing my work, I was pleasantly surprised to come, well, hip to face with Jake Sully. It had to be him as I presumed it was highly unlikely that we were now harboring more ex marines in wheelchairs around here.

He was just donning his own mask again that he had apparently taken off to save my life, and I felt my throat go tight for a moment. I wasn't used to anyone risking their life for me. Still, the intelligent sparkle in his grey eyes called to me on another level, and the fact that his torso was still as trim as if he were in the military didn't hurt, either.

_More like Candy on Wheels, Eye Candy._

"Sorry I scared you, I just thought," he started, then trailed off as he did a once over. "Why weren't you wearing your mask? I mean you must know that the atmosphere is toxic."

I was ready to rile at him and tell him to mind his own business, but there was no condescension in his voice. He even sounded interested, and what I presumed was glad that I wasn't choking on the ground in front of him.

"I guess I like leading a risky life," I shot back, trying to keep my tone level.

"I can see that!" he grinned, then took me aback by moving around me until he was at my side so he could stare out into the night unhindered.

"It's even greater out there. Amazing. From here the forest looks so dark, but it really isn't. It's full of those crazy neon lights and glowing things, nearly brighter than when the sun's not up in the sky."

"Bioluminescence. And actually it's suns, plural, right now, and the planet's doing its own to brighten our nights."

Jake shot me a long look that instantly made me grin because of its pained quality.

"Lemme guess, you're one of the scientists of the base? Avatar driver, too?" He nodded towards the shed where I could just make out the sleeping forms of the sleeping hybrids. "I guess you start feeling quite protective of them after a while, so going out here for a last visit before bedtime must be taking your mind off things."

_I wish._

I chuckled and shook my head, then heaved a sigh that was weirdly amplified by the exopack.

"Actually I'm a wrench wench."

In the dusky illumination of the night I could see his brows rise.

"Excuse me?

"I'm the grease monkey, uhm, excuse me, _Mechanical Engineer_ for the avatar complex. So the next time you hurl around equipment, learn not to break it or you will have to answer to me!"

He actually looked guilty which cracked me up, even more so that he must have been the first person in ages who took me serious enough to heed my grumbling. His next words, though, brought me right back into my drab reality.

"Sheesh, sorry, but, you know, I haven't been around much, barely two days. My avatar, that is. But it's comforting that even the techs know more about this damn planet than me!" He stopped to shake his head, than shot me another one of those apologetic looks. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that! Just -"

"I know what you mean," I replied, smiling to take the sting off my previous words. "I've been here for three years, you pick things up along the way. Like that this is a moon, not an actual planet. Don't worry, when you've been here as long as I you might even speak Na'vi fluently."

"Oh God, don't tell me you know that, too?"

Grinning, I shrugged, then got what I remembered together for my reply.

_'You're narrow minded and reckless.'_

It was weird speaking the language after so many years again, and I doubted I could impress a real Na'vi with it, but I had been quite good back on Earth. Jake groaned in turn and scratched what little hair his buzz cut had left on the crown of his head.

"Lemme guess, if I repeat that to Grace she will whop my ass, right?"

"From what I hear she's doing that already anyway. But in this case, she might agree."

He shrugged, then continued to stare into the night while his shoulders slumped a little as he relaxed.

"So why _are_ you out here? Can't be much work for you to do now that everyone's been out of their link beds for hours."

I shrugged.

"I guess if I were smoking, I'd take a smoke, if that were possible without choking. Just taking a few minutes off. Can't do much maintenance work when people break the equipment at the same time."

From the corner of my eye I saw him wince, and I couldn't help feel a little sheepish for my snide answer, so I went on.

"The forest always calms me. I like to just stand here and watch. And sometimes I take off that stupid mask for a few seconds and pretend I'm all alone, just the leaves rustling around me, the wind on my face, free of everything. The opposite of all the steel and technology I'm surrounded with all day. Like the people must have felt back on Earth before the nukes of '98 killed the last remaining trees for good."

Silence settled over us, before Jake looked up, his eyes cautious even through the mask.

"Want me to tell you how it really is out there? I really don't want to rub it in that you'll likely never see it all for yourself."

I tried to play off the sadness that came up in me, but I really liked him, and quite frankly, I really wanted to know.

"Please. I would like that very much."

A nearly boyish grin spread on his face, and he nodded towards the huge fence that enclosed the camp.

"The forest might look all dense from here, but really, it's more like a patchy maze, with clearings and mountains and all that breaking it up. The trees grow all twisted and weird due to the lower gravity, and you can actually run along the more horizontal trunks as if they're some kind of plank."

"Lower gravity, eh? So you _did_ pick up something along the way already!"

Jake laughed and shook his head.

"When you run for your life because some crazy beast with huge teeth is after you and you fall down some cliff that should have shattered your bones, and all you feel is slightly bruised, _then_ you know that what gravity you're used to is so not in the game here!"

"That really happened to you?"

I couldn't quite keep the incredulity out of my voice. His answering smile was quite captivating.

"Twenty minutes into my first trip, I swear! I think if that beast hadn't chased me down the waterfall or gotten me, Grace would have torn me to shreds. But now that I'm becoming best friends with the Na'vi she naturally can't, anymore."

"Huh," was all I could reply to that. "I guess some guys have all the luck?"

"Not really. Unless you call everyone thinking you're a complete moron is a blessing. I mean I kinda expected that from the geeks here, but takes me less than a day and the next hot blue alien chick thinks so, too, as does the grease monkey! I guess I deserve it."

He winked at me, and we both burst out laughing.

"At least it only takes you a day until some woman notices you! I think half the soldiers and miners on this base would give their legs for some female company, even of the kind who would only look at them if they paid for it."

The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying, and I immediately wanted to apologize, but Jake just laughed it off.

"Seriously, it's refreshing to talk to someone who's not riding on the sympathy train. I should thank you for that alone. But let it be said, the plumbing at least works still."

"And you're telling me this why?"

His grin matched mine in goofiness, and it was a relief to see that he wasn't even trying to hit on me. Not that anyone ever really tried, like, with being charming or anything.

"You're a tech. I thought making sure things worked well was your main interest?"

I tried to scowl or look cross at least, but burst out laughing after only a second.

"Touché! You're awesome, Jake Sully, you know that?"

"Nah, don't mention it, it's as witty as I ever get. Now my brother, he could crack some really mean jokes that left your mind reeling whether you should laugh your ass off, or hit him because he was such an offensive dog."

His voice sounded weirdly sad when he told me that.

"Must be hard for you, being parted from him? I mean even with the com links working, time has passed and a lot must have happened while you were in the cryo tank."

"Doesn't matter. Tom's dead."

_Way to go, Dee, way to go._

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. Sheesh, guess all that xenon in the air is seeping right into my brain."

"Don't be."

He turned away from me to look back at the trees in the distance.

"This should have been his gig, you know? He was always the bright one of the two of us. College, PhD at 22, stuff like that. Only he was killed a few weeks before he was scheduled to fly out here, so they have to make do with his lame twin brother, you see?"

I tried to remember if I had ever met his brother, but really couldn't say.

"But you're doing good so far, I hear. I mean the Na'vi took you in, right? Seems like a retired ex marine can still pull more weight than a whole bunch of high and mighty scientists."

That brought a smile back onto his face.

"Yeah, well, it's kind of peculiar that they only let the scientists drive the avatars when they're dealing with natives who have a society with a strong warrior caste. I get how they need scientists to analyze things, and really, the research that Grace did is amazing. But I can't even speak their language, and well, I guess the fact that my people skills suck is the same as they're not, well, you know, people in the sense of humans, and anyway they kind of accept me. At least some do, for whatever reason. They still laugh at me when I fall from one of those insane six-legged horses, but at least they respect me for trying when I get on my feet again."

I hesitated for a moment, and when he looked back up at me I ventured forth.

"And I guess it counts that you can get on your feet again, too."

"It does. Oh, it does."

We spent a few minutes in amicable silence, until my com went off, signaling me that I was needed elsewhere.

"I have to go. It was really nice talking to you, Jake."

"Tell me about it! You're like the first sane person I've met on this incredibly green piece of rock! But I better turn in now anyway, driving that avatar is a lot more stressful than it looks, and even when he sleeps I have to spend the next hours relating every detail to Grace and the others, which by the way is a lot less interesting than it sounds when all you want is a hot shower and something to eat."

We both turned to go slowly, but my com went off again, and this time I checked who was hailing me. Tabitha. Not someone I should ignore for long, even though I would have loved to be rid of her perky little ass.

"Sorry, need to go like right now. Maybe we can chat another time?"

"Do you come out here often?"

I shrugged.

"Sometimes. Usually at night, when no one else is around."

"Then we'll meet again hopefully soon, wrench wench!"

I took off at a slow run, about the top speed I could muster with gravity and air density trying their hardest to make me fall on my face, when I heard Jake holler to me again.

"You never told me your name!"

"It's Delilah, but people here always call me Dee!"

He nodded, grinning like a small boy.

"Delilah then, I guess, seeing as we're both the only two who know how incredibly smart we are!"

I couldn't say why, but his unexpected show of friendship made my heart ache.

"What shall I call you then?"

"Jake's just fine! Remember, the others call me moron!"

It was ten shades of weird to say that about him, avatar driver, marine, most famous of them all right now, but at that moment I knew that Jake and I would become friends, if circumstances would just allow it. And while it seemed unlikely, who knew?


	3. Chapter 2: From bad to worse

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

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**To give everyone a little head start in vocabulary who isn't as obsessed with the whole world as I am:**

**_Amp Suit_ - the robotic suits the soldiers use when they're out in the jungle.  
_Dragon Gunship_ - the huge ship they used in the fights, the one Col. Quaritch commandeered.  
_Na'vi queue_ - the the hair covered thing the Na'vi use to interact with their environment - animals, trees, each other.  
_Amnio tank_ - the blue tanks the avatars are grown in.**

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**Chapter 2: From bad to worse**

"You're late, I called you thirteen minutes ago! What took you so long?"

I averted my gaze in hopes Tabitha wouldn't be able to see my eye roll this way, but the vexed clucking of her tongue told me otherwise. For reaching barely to my shoulder, she could be a very intimidating woman.

"I was out at the sand box, it simply takes me ten minutes to get from there to the docks!"

"And what about the other three minutes?"

"What the fuck? You can't expect me to just drop whatever I'm doing just because you're calling me. I have a job to do, and last time I looked you're not on my list of superiors."

I knew I was getting myself into trouble with saying that, but for some reason my talk with Jake had loosened my tongue dangerously.

Her bright blue eyes narrowed, and for a moment the hostility that was usually directed at the RDA flashed right at me. She leaned closer then, her voice pitched to a low whisper.

"As a matter of fact I _am_ your superior, and as that I have a mission for you."

I blinked twice to make sure I had heard her correctly, but her glare told me there was no way I could have mistaken her words. It had been months since she had had a _job_ for me, and the last three had been less than thrilling, and hadn't exactly required the _skills_ why her organization had approached me in the first place.

Tabitha was, like me, a member of the ILF, our little protest, sometimes turned terrorist, group. While I worked as the resident grease monkey, she was one of the assistant staff of Parker Selfridge, the head administrator of the RDA here on Pandora. It was always funny to watch her scurrying after her very egocentric boss, but when it was just us, she turned into a bitch, barking included.

"Okay, what is it now? Do you need me to chat up some of the soldiers again so you can rig one of the Dragon gunships so, I don't know, they cannot use their toilet properly when they're out on a mission?"

They had actually tried to blow up the whole ship last time by depositing some explosives in the facilities, but had only succeeded in blocking the bathroom for three days. I on the other hand had to deal with three very pesky soldiers for weeks, which had proven to be way more bothersome than I had expected. I guess if I had been more focused on actually being a leading and supportive member of the cell myself I would have offered to do the job, but while I was only too happy to sabotage the hand that fed me sometimes, my limit was at actually hurting people. I made sure that the explosives I planted only damaged equipment, or crippled the machinery before it could leave the safety of Hell's Gate. Some might have called that hypocritical, but I _had_ a code of honor, and I was too valuable that Tabitha could really threaten me.

"A new avatar is coming in at four in the morning. You need to exchange this ampule for the adrenaline shot they always use after they're done implanting the electrodes into that thing."

I simply stared at the vial she was holding out to me.

"You're not serious, right?"

Tabitha fixed me with another one of her glares, but this time it had no effect on me.

"I'm not asking this of you, I'm ordering you to do it! Or do you want to see what other accidents can happen? I've heard they had some problems with the air filters in the exopacks. I've heard chocking is a merciful death compared to what can happen when you get a hefty dose of hydrogen cyanide into your lungs."

"Actually that would cause cellular level respiration failure as the cyanide ion would inhibit the mitochondria -"

"Whatever, I don't care! The point is, you are going to place that ampule with the other operation utensils. End of discussion."

I snorted derisively, and her eyes narrowed at me.

"You know how we deal with insubordination."

I knew too well what she meant. About a year into my stay on Pandora I had outright refused to help with one of her sabotage plans that would hit the changing rooms of the mine. If it had worked, it would likely have killed dozens of people who would have died trapped in there. Without my help the plan had failed, but two days later there had been a sudden leakage in the cooling system of the Amp Suit I had been working on, resulting in the acidic fluid burning its way into my right arm from my fingers up to my neck. The doctors said I had been lucky that I still retained use of that hand and most of the sensations in it. Of course the RDA didn't cover any surgical procedures so I was left with the scars. Since then the scars had served as a reminder for me to stay sharp and trust no one. While honor might exist among thieves, it was utterly lacking among saboteurs.

I contemplated her 'choice' for another second, then sighed and held my hand out.

"How should I even get it there? You do realize that every single avatar costs the RDA more than twenty millions, they guard them like the apple of their eye before reconstructive engineering made it possible to replace nearly every single organ in the human body!"

"I'm not asking you to kill that thing, although the chance to get rid of one of those abominations is tempting. No, the cocktail in this ampule will send it into cardiac arrest, followed by a coma like state. In a few days it will be back to normal, no one will suspect anything, just a minor complication."

I had no idea if she was telling the truth, but none of them had ever outright lied to me. They hadn't needed to, really.

"And how shall I get it there?"

"You're scheduled to stand by until after they're done decanting. No one will look at you twice when you wait in the suit by the lab. Thirty seconds on your own, you sneak inside, exchange the ampule with the already set up ones, and we're good to go! We have someone in the surgery team, too, they will make sure the right ampule is selected, but you know how thoroughly they are screened, and they cannot find anything incriminating with him! No one suspects the tech, though, so get your ass down there and quit whining!"

That about concluded negotiations, and two hours later I found myself inside the air pressure chamber that lead to the 'birthing' facilities. For our own safety out with the toxins they didn't give us suits, but for everything concerning the yet vulnerable avatars they made sure the whole environment was sterile, and without a chance of us polluting the newborn.

I always thought the term 'birth' was hilarious as they came out as ten feet tall, nearly adult juveniles. Biologically speaking. Although I knew they were barely more than biological machines, I had picked up referring to the avatars as 'he' or 'she', never as 'it'. Having worked with them for years, I knew that there was no mind on their own behind those huge yellow eyes, but I still felt like they deserved a smidge more dignity than the ILF granted them. Idiots.

The door of the airlock opened and I stepped into the prep room where the amnio tank with the avatar was kept. The guards were not paying any attention to me so I walked up to the glass and looked inside, before I raised one gloved hand and touched the tank softly.

I couldn't be sure, of course, but chances weren't too bad that I had been on the team behind at least two of the less mature avatars of the compound. Literally tens of thousands of recombinant embryos were needed to select the perfect one that would later grow into the hybrid of human and Na'vi DNA. Most didn't make it until the sixty-four cell stadium, and were discarded as bio waste. It had been my responsibility to help keep those alive that _did_ indeed survive, and design the optimal growth environment for them, the tanks that served as artificial womb for them. But that had been a long time ago.

"Are we set yet? Why does this take forever, I don't have the time to stand here and wait!"

I mentally shut myself off from the creature before me and stepped away into the shadows, letting the team of doctors and nurses descend on the avatar like a pack of hungry wolves. The annoying voice that had dragged me from my reverie belonged to a woman, and a glance was enough to make me realize that it was her avatar that would soon take its first breath. As usual the semblance was there, although the sleeping beauty in the tank had certainly lacked the perpetual frown on the scientist's face.

She was a little older than me, maybe in her early thirties, her face a striking mixture between Asian and Caucasian features, typical United Nations of North America mix. She even wore a lab coat that proclaimed 'A. Caulfield' in bold letters, and I paused for a moment to study her more closely. My heart skipped a beat when I realized I knew her, actually _knew_ her. Angela Caulfield. She had been a research associate when I finished my basic biotech training. We had chatted over coffee. Now she didn't even look in my direction.

I forced myself to stop staring at her. She had been friendly then, but seemed to have turned into a high and mighty scientist so many of them ended up once they got here. It just weirded me out that for a second I was even happy to sabotage her dream when my own had ended years ago, but that only made me feel worse a few moments later.

Tabitha had been right, of course, while they got the new avatar out of the tank no one watched me as I discreetly exchanged the ampules. Everything went well so I was dismissed once they were done with the decanting procedure, and I left them to do the tidying up.

When I joined the ILF, I thought their plans had been a little crass but more or less valid. They abhorred what the RDA did - mainly destroy Pandora - and I had agreed with them. The RDA had to be stopped. It took me years to realize that they were mostly trying to spread chaos, and people like Tabitha thought the avatars were abominations simply because half of their DNA was alien. I never asked her what she thought about my previous involvement with the Program, but I figured her resentment was based on the fact that I simply didn't care anymore about their ideological goals.

Over the next hours I was jumpy and vibrating with tension. I was paranoid and watched my back all the time, but no one dragged me into a holding cell or threw me out the air lock without an exopack to keep me breathing. I was kind of relieved when I heard later on that the avatar had gone into a coma but seemed stable, and that they believed it to have been some fluke or other. Dr. Caulfield of course complained and raved and ranted, but no one seemed to listen to her as Jake's daily reports where way more interesting to the science team than one avatar in the sick bay. I figured the resident doctors might even be having a field day with trying to come up with an explanation. I knew I would have.

The following evening I found myself again at my spot, and this time I heard the slight creak of the wheel chair before Jake could startle me anew. He grinned up at me when I just shot him a glance without scrambling for my mask, and he waited patiently until my one hundred and fifty minutes of freedom were over.

"Question, do you get high doing that? Because you looked seriously stoned when you just smiled at me like that."

I had to admit, I was feeling a little light headed, but I doubted that any of the gases I could have inhaled were actually the cause for that directly.

"The adrenaline probably makes me a little loopy. You know, from the constant threat of annihilation."

His chuckle sounded warm even though the filters of the breathing gear added a clear tinny sound to it.

"Please stop using words that are too high for my addled brain. It's bad enough that everyone keeps expecting me to learn Na'vi in two days, if you challenge my English now I might as well give up entirely!"

"Sorry. I just presumed you jarheads would know words like that. You know, fancy war speak and such."

"Ah, whatever," he conceded, then gazed into the purple sky above us where two of the other thirteen moons of Polyphemus were visible right now.

"So how is life with the Na'vi?"

"I can't be sure, but I think Neytiri switched from calling me a moron to calling me a child. Again. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. What do you think?"

Even though I tried to hide it, I couldn't keep the amused smile off my face. Just the fact that within a day he had succeeded in the unthinkable - integrating himself into the Na'vi clan closest to our base here, something that the scientists had failed to do for over a decade now - was stunning. That he had ended up with the clan leader's daughter as a guide to teach him the way of the Na'vi was even more baffling, but apparently that also came with some personal drawbacks.

"How should I know, I'm not one of the Na'vi."

"But you're a woman! And trust me, if you overlook the physical differences like blue skin color and a different number of digits, you're all alike! You all mock me!"

The laughter spilling from my lips pretty much confirmed his accusation, but I could see that his frustration was already turning to a grin on his own.

"Yeah, what can I say, you seem to bring that out in people of whatever race or birth place! But I think as long as she doesn't shove you down a ledge or something, you should be making progress. I guess. But I've once heard it said that women usually mock the people they like, so if she calls you a child now she means it with affection."

Jake again laughed at my ironic remark and shook his head.

"You're really all the same!"

"Because we like you? Most men take that as a compliment, you know?"

He rolled his eyes at me, but the smile stayed firmly in place.

"I tried to ride a six legged horse today. It liked me about as much as its four legged Earth counterparts do. But that bond thing is pretty amazing, I'm still tempted to throw my own moronic ass off and then go grazing somewhere. At least that hair thing is good for something."

"It's not hair, it's actually an extension of the nervous system. It's quite a remarkable thing that it exists, even more so that yours works, and that you as the driver of your avatar can use it. It's like the ultimate biological interface."

Jake looked a little sheepish for a moment.

"Yeah, and you don't go blind when you touch it, either."

"Had to try that, eh?"

"Of course! I mean, seriously, you wake up in this new body that feels like your own after only a few minutes, but it's still strange and weird. I mean you have a tail, and you have that queue, and let me tell you, they have a reason why they make us wear clothes here on the base ..."

He trailed off there, and for a moment looked nearly taken aback by his own words. I chuckled and bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

"Come on, Jake, I'm around guys most of my waking hours. I've heard far worse. And what did you expect, the avatars, who are the select perfect individual from quite the starting range, should be well proportioned in all aspects. You're nearly ten feet tall, would be weird if you didn't have anything that warranted you at least donning a loincloth, eh?"

He grinned, but then his eyes took on a certain glint.

"Perfect interface, eh? As just what did you train before you became the interstellar grease monkey?"

It was baffling how I could hold my tongue for three years easily, and ten minutes into a conversation with him I revealed more about myself than was healthy.

"It doesn't matter. Up here I'm the gal that gets things working. That's all you need to know."

"Come on, tell me, how come you ended up here? I'm sure while invaluable to our survival here, your work now must be somewhat lacking on the intellectual level compared to what you could be doing back on Earth."

I couldn't exactly tell him my real reason for being here, but I also didn't want to lie to him. And for just a moment I felt like the little girl who had been fascinated by Hometree was still alive and laughing inside of me.

"It's rather personal. I usually don't go around telling people my life's story."

"You know what, you answer my question, and I will answer anything you ask me. However personal."

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know, I just like you, and of all the people I've met in the last seven years of my life, even if you count only those I've been awake for, you're one of the few I'd like to know better. So, please? Of course only if it doesn't hurt too much, I don't want to come off as an even bigger moron than you probably think I am already."

I looked away for a moment, but when my gaze fell on the softly swaying trees just outside the perimeter I realized that I didn't even have to bend the truth all that much to give him a heartfelt answer.

"Actually my reason was that Pandora is so different. Science has copied actual nature to advance technology for ages, but there's a limit to what Earth can yield. But with what is growing and running around up here, we can once again see, study, and remodel our old concepts. It's worth not being able to even take a smoke outside unless you want to choke."

"Did you apply for the job naming your degrees?"

"Who says I have any degrees to name?"

"You pretty much confirmed it before. So shoot, I already know that you're a smart girl, tell me just how smart."

"Ah, I think I already told you enough. Pay up, and maybe I will tell you more."

He grimaced but was smiling almost immediately again.

"I guess that's only fair. What do you want to know?"

I hesitated only for a moment, before I leaned down and fixed him with the most intent gaze I could muster through the face shield of my exopack.

"Tell me how it really is out there. How are the Na'vi? How's the forest? How does it feel being your avatar?"

"That's more than one question, actually."

"Then you can ask me more, too, I just don't know if there is anything worth telling about me. But please, let me catch a glimpse of Pandora and how it really is?"

He shrugged, and I could tell that he was holding back for some reason.

"What's wrong? I'm not asking you about your queue, if you think I meant that."

Jake laughed.

"Actually I feel bad about telling you this, when you'll very likely never be able to experience it yourself."

"Don't be. I already hit the jackpot being up here. But I'd really like to know, so I have something to think of when I fix the next link unit expect guestimate how long it will take until it's all glitchy again."

More laughter from him, before he got serious, his eyes suddenly bright with excitement.

"It's simply amazing! Of course I'm lacking anything to compare it to, but when I'm out there, it's as if _everything_ around me is alive! The colors, the scents, the sounds, but it's not just the impressions, it _feels_ alive! And already it's hard to really wrap my mind around the fact that my avatar isn't really me, that I'm not the one feeling all this but he is. I don't even have to explicitly think anymore to control him, and just minutes before I came out here I was afraid for a second I'd catch my tail in a door, the compound is so confining."

He went on explaining, and while his words saddened me a little as they were the closest I would ever come to really be there, his evident joy was just too contagious to hang on to my slightly glum mood. Jake sounded like a child on Christmas Day, and before long I was grinning as I listened to his recount.

"And that pretty much sums up my day. If not for the stims Grace slipped me yesterday I think I would be dead from exhaustion already. It's like I never get any sleep anymore."

I shrugged.

"Technically your body is at rest while you're driving your avatar, but it's still your brain that is active all day and half the night long. No wonder you need sleep."

A quick nod, then his eyes focused sharply on me.

"Now spill. How many degrees and in what?"

I knew I was making a mistake telling him, but for some reason I simply couldn't go back on my word. Maybe it was because he was the first person in ages who seemed to be moderately interested in talking to me, or he just had a great way with people.

"Okay, you win. I have a Masters in Engineering, and a PhD in Biotechnology, specialized on comprehensive biological machinery."

His eyes widened a little and he let out a whistle.

"Wow, so by all means you should rather be inside there," he nodded towards the laboratories behind the HabMod, "than out here, right?"

I left it at a noncommittal shrug.

"I think I'm where I'm supposed to be."

Jake thought about that for a moment, and a frown was slowly coming to his forehead.

"Sounds like the whole avatar stuff. You got anything to do with that before you went for your new career choice?"

He seemed to take my hesitation for what it was, a reluctance to admit the truth, and his frown deepened.

"I'm not going to rat you out or something. I'm just curious. All this science stuff is way over my head, and I think I already proved at every possible opportunity that I'm the least qualified person around here. I'm just wondering what made you give up a chance to get here as one of the drivers, or at least the support team, to spend your time just fixing things."

"Who says I ever had a chance?"

His chuckle turned wry then.

"I've been around those geeks for the last week whenever I haven't been out cold or running through the forest. You seem a lot brighter than most of them."

"Maybe it was my social competence that kept me from qualifying?" I ventured a guess.

Again he laughed, and that hard look left his eyes.

"Maybe. I mean it was your choice, I'm pretty sure you don't just do something like that on a whim."

"Not very likely, no."

Silence fell, only to be cut by a rather emphatic yawn coming from Jake no ten seconds later.

"I think I really need to hit the sack. As always it was nice talking to you. I think you're really the only one who is taking me serious right now who doesn't rely on my intel for one reason or another."

"Likewise, although without the intel part, probably."

Jake chuckled and held his fist out to me, and after a moment's hesitation I bumped mine against it.

"See ya tomorrow then, same time, same space?"

"I'm counting on it! Who else would keep me from my well deserved high of the day if not you?"

We parted ways at the entrance to the compound where I had left my gear in a small maintenance closet. The smile on my face remained there for hours still, and by the time I was done repairing the power lines of the main lab and Jake raised his hand in greeting across the hallway I was sure I had found a real friend.

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**And the plot thickens! After all we'll have to get Delilah out there somehow ;)**

**Thanks for being such an awesome and supportive audience! Reviews are very much appreciated!  
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**I'll finally get to replying to the ones I got now - promise! I have a few more chapters already written up - how fast do you want them?  
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	4. Chapter 3: Surprise, surprise

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

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**Chapter 3: Surprise, surprise**

Jake and I established a kind of routine over the next week. Every evening, well past midnight, we would meet in the open space in the backyard of the avatar compound and chat. Sometimes about our respective days, but mostly about random things as Jake's daily reports had become more vital than the news feeds from Earth to almost everyone in the camp, and I felt like I would have been a bad friend if I had harassed him about it even more.

The next week passed uneventfully for me, and I had to admit that most of my waking hours were spent thinking about my talks with Jake, and the world on the other side of the fence. It kept my mind from wondering about the avatar, and also from caring about her.

Dr. Caulfield was, quite frankly, a pain in the ass. I was called in on a nearly daily basis by her to fix one piece or another of her equipment. She didn't seem to care that it was her fault that she had brought it all up here where nothing ever really worked, and not mine for being unable to repair it.

As much as I was ridden with guilt over what happened to her avatar, I really could have done without her.

At least until two days later, my unlucky wish was granted.

Tabitha had been rather elusive since she had forced me to deposit that ampule, but that wasn't really out of the ordinary. As part of the administrative staff she by no means hung around with anyone from the tech squad. We usually only saw each other at the bi-monthly briefings of our ILF cell, and even then she ignored me more often than not. But while I was used to her ignoring me, it was still strange that she seemed to go out of her way to avoid me for the time after the incident we had caused.

Keeping that in mind, I was surprised when she called me after my latest chat with Jake, leaving a short message that I should meet her in the maintenance tunnels under the Armor Bay in 30 minutes. I debated showing up as I was already behind in my schedule, but I knew that she had a volatile temper, and the sad fact was that she had ample evidence to threaten me into doing her bidding. She was always careful to meet in a corridor without surveillance, while I was sure that most of the things she had made me do could have been recorded in some way or another. To say the underlying threat of blackmail strained our relationship was the understatement of the century.

As instructed I had left my gear in one of the hallways above and snuck down to the lower levels unencumbered. Tabitha was already waiting for me, dressed in a coverall that looked strikingly like my work uniform, tapping her foot on the floor. When she saw me her face lit up for a second, but that was immediately replaced by her usual scowl.

"You're late!"

"I'm three minutes early!"

"Whatever. Follow me, and be silent, damnit!"

I rolled my eyes at her back as she turned down an even smaller connective hallway and lead me to a rusty door that looked as if it hadn't been opened since the whole compound had been constructed. Up on the ground level floors it might be all high tech, but down here there wasn't much visible of that.

I stopped for a moment inside the door when I saw what lay beyond. This must have been the headquarters of my cell, a whole room filled with equipment, weapons, and even a small med bay. Everything looked a little outdated and shabby but was clearly working, and I was surprised that they had kept such a large room hidden from everyone else for so long. I knew that the first ILF agents must have come to Pandora ten years ago, but I had until then never really grasped just how organized these weirdos really were.

Tabitha immediately caught my arm and dragged me inside, then let go of me to turn to one of the techs behind the terminals.

"How far along are we?"

"Defrag reaching 98 percent, the hack's nearly complete. Gimme five minutes and you can start the upload."

"You're late, we could have started with the sync half an hour ago already!"

I turned to the new voice, and blinked when I recognized the tall, blond-haired woman it belonged to. I knew I usually only met with grunts like me who barely knew anything about the ongoing operations of our cell, but I hadn't thought it possible that they had people working close to the vital projects. Apparently I had been wrong. Deanne, Dr. Caulfield's assistant, barely cast a glance in my direction before she went on to hiss at Tabitha.

"This better work or I will make sure that you'll take a walk out the airlock without a functioning exopack!"

The threat nearly made me grin, and it occurred to me where from Tabitha had picked it up to constantly throw it into my face.

"We work under undercover, where better than the tech crew to hide her, eh? If you disappear tomorrow the whole compound will be on fire, if she goes missing hardly anyone will notice!"

"Uhm, not to interrupt you, but I'm right here," I drawled, glaring at both women. "And just saying, without me half of the compound with be without power or air at the moment."

They both ignored me, and I really didn't like the turn the conversation seemed to be taking. Yet before I could make up my mind Tabitha was back at my side and dragged me further into the room, clearly not even bothering to wait until I started following her on my own. I took a closer look at the people around me, trying to match those faces to their usual occupations where I might have seen them before. Several of the security staff, one of the nurses from the avatar compound, a doctor from the Med Bay that was right behind the hangar, a few more from the ground crew that worked at the different research and analyzing stations. It was highly disconcerting that almost all of them looked away when they caught my gaze, but they also seemed weirdly focused on my entry.

Tabitha stopped next to the bunk bed the improvised med bay composed of and turned to me again.

"Strip."

"Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes, but Deanne, who had followed us, answered before she had the chance.

"Out of your coveralls and everything else expect your underwear. Or do I need to spell it out for you, maybe even write it down? Shit, are you really sure those fumes haven't fried her brain?"

Tabitha sent her a glare but pressed some scrubs into my hands.

"Here, put these on instead. And hurry, we only have fifty minutes and will likely need every single one of them!"

I was too perplexed to come up with a good answer so I did what I had been doing the last years, and followed her orders. I was rather uncomfortable taking off my clothes in front of so many people, particularly as the shirt covered my arm only to my elbow. The harsh light that flooded the room made the acid burns stand out even more, and I immediately wished myself back into my comfy coveralls again.

Like the harpy she resembled in temper, Deanne snatched up my arm and glared down at my blemished skin.

"That's going to be a problem. We don't have time for a full body reconstruction, the face alone should be hard enough to do in the limited time frame we got."

"Don't worry, accidents happen all the time. And I'm pretty sure Miss Super Scientist hasn't done much fraternizing with the masses before so no one will notice now."

I had no idea what they were talking about, but with every passing minute the queasy feeling in my stomach increased.

"Just what the hell is going on? You will tell me this fucking minute or I will make sure you'll hate making me cooperate at gun point!" I finally got in.

Both women halted in their staring match for a moment to look at me, and it was once again Deanne who spoke first.

"You really have no clue at all, right?"

I shook my head and tried to answer, but Tabitha's reply kept me from speaking up again.

"The stakes were too high, you can't expect anyone to act not suspicious at all for years. The less she knew, the less she could give away. Of course there were risks, but this is the best we could do with the operation all chopped up in bits and pieces."

The other woman nodded, suddenly pensive as she turned to me.

"Exactly how rusty is your Na'vi?"

I had no idea how that fit into anything, but replied truthfully.

"Could need some polishing but I'd say fluent."

"Know your way around a lab still? The routines I mean."

"Sure but why -"

"Don't ask, we'll fill you in when we have the time. It's not like you'll be required to do much of the actual work, that's what I'm for. Just pretend you know what you're up to."

Queasiness turned to full blown suspicion, but before I could say anything further a door on the other side of the room opened, and what I saw made my heart skip a few beats. Gagged and tied to a chair with electrodes affixed to nearly every part of her body sat Angela Caulfield. Her eyes were wide and she seemed to be screaming into her gag, but the beeps of the machinery around her were too loud to pick up more than some muffled grunts. My eyes fell on the dark blue scrubs she was wearing, and it actually took my brain that long to make the connection to all the hints Tabitha and the other woman had been dropping.

"Are you all crazy? What the fuck did you do?"

Tabitha just grinned at me with that fanatic gleam in her eyes that always made me wary, but before she or Deanne could reply, the tech from before hollered across the room.

"Defrag complete, we just wiped the slate clean. I'm proceeding with the upload of the hack, you got twenty minutes to hook her up before I need to sync her brain waves with the system."

A shove between my shoulder blades had me stumbling towards the door, but I caught myself on the frame before anyone could drag me into the next room. Wheeling around I glared at Deanne, not for the first time cursing inside that the women in my family didn't really grow tall.

"You will tell me this very second what is going on here!"

Deanne smirked, and at her nod two of the security guys grabbed me and hauled me into the room. I tried to fight them but it was to no avail, and only seconds later they had me subdued on my knees with my arms bent painfully behind my back. The woman stepped closer and looked down at me, the nasty smile still in place.

"It's the night of the great ball, Cinderella, and I'm your Fairy Godmother. You had a 98 percent chance to get into the Avatar Program on the other side of the lines, and when the RDA was starting to do background checks on you and one of our sources found out they had already sequenced your genome beforehand we knew we were working on a very limited time frame. The risk that you wouldn't work with us was too high, so we had to make sure you had no other choice."

My mind literally stuttered to a halt, before my thoughts started running wild.

"What are you talking about?"

Deanne shot Tabitha another look.

"You didn't even tell her that the whole grease monkey thing has been nothing but a scam?"

"Secrecy above all else, you know what the leaders say."

Turning back to me, Deanne sighed, but her features softened for a moment.

"Didn't it occur to you that employing you as a lowly foot soldier here would have been a complete waste of talent? You're one of the brightest minds that the RDA happened upon in their recruitment, shit, you were twenty-four when they added you to the research staff that worked on fine tuning the Avatar Project to weed out the mistakes that the first and second generation had, you don't just get that job because someone likes the jokes you tell over lunch! The ILF sent you up here as a mole because they needed the time to bring everyone else in place, and then we had to wait two more years until someone who fit your profile made it through the selection progress."

She then turned to Angela who was now staring wide-eyed at me, recognition and terror raging in her eyes.

"It was hard enough to ensure she finally got the job, but the RDA was hard pressed to send someone who could see the big picture up here because they were sorely lacking someone to do the first hand research. Apparently only very few of your field want to leave the confines of a safe workplace, while anthropologists and xenobotanists all flock to the application centers like moths to the flame. Another reason why it was prudent that you wouldn't be able to say no to us."

I tried to fight my captors again, but that only got one of my arms wrenched back another few inches, sending hot spikes of pain through my shoulder.

"And just what are you going to do to me now?"

Deanne leaned closer until I could feel her breath blowing across my face.

"We're going to replace her," she nodded at Angela, "with you. You're going to pick up her research, in fact you're going to _become_ her. And once we're sure our hack is secure, we're going to hook you up with her avatar and send you out into the jungle so we have someone who can, firsthand, ensure that we will wipe this oasis clean of this blue skinned, primitive scum so we can complete terraforming and create a second Earth on this stinking piece of tree infested rock."

The first part of her statement didn't come that out of the blue, although my mind immediately started jumping along the string of impossibilities and flaws of her plan, but quite frankly her goal made swallow hard.

"You're insane!"

Straightening, Deanne shrugged.

"You should know that genius and madness are closely related. Now anything you want to say to the current Dr. Angela Caulfield?"

Dread gripped me as I turned my head to look at Angela, and I knew I would never forget the pleading look in her eyes.

"I -" came my hesitant reply, but before I could say more, Deanne interrupted me.

"Nothing important? You're just wasting my time."

Her words hadn't yet fully registered as I watched her draw a gun from a holster inside her lab coat and point it at Angela.

"Good riddance you nasty skank!"

And then she pulled the trigger.

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**Oh cliffhanger, my old friend, how I have missed you! **

**You know the drill - plz review!**

**And if anyone should be wondering how it is possible to hijack and crack an avatar - trust me, I have a plan!  
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	5. Chapter 4: We Have A Plan

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

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**Chapter 4: We Have A Plan**

Of course I had seen people die before. Crime rates on Earth were high, and living in Hell's Gate for three years had filled the gaps that my partly protected childhood had left. But until now I had never seen anyone kill another human being in cold blood right in front of my eyes.

The sound of the gunshot was deafening in my ears although it was probably low enough that people in the next room didn't even hear it. My mind went blank and I couldn't look away from Angela's face as life disappeared from her eyes. As her body sagged into her bonds it was as if I lost my own strength, and I didn't even protest when the guards hauled me to my feet and pushed me towards the vacant med station next to her.

"Strap her in and make sure she can't hurt herself," Deanne instructed, then stepped away to start unhooking the electrodes from her former supervisor.

My will to fight resurfaced then, but I was simply not strong enough to keep the guard from holding me down while the other one secured my arms and legs with force field restraints. Deep in my mind it registered that what they were about to do to me must be really awful when they resorted to that kind of equipment, the thick bands holding my body in place by artificially heightened gravity. I still tried to fight, but the only thing I achieved was that my scrubs rode up around my hips.

The nurse and doctor I had seen in the other room stepped up to my bed, both avoiding looking at me as much as possible. A slight itch on the side of my neck was all I felt when they shot me with the meds applicator. The sedative slammed into my body only seconds later, making all of my muscles go slack until I had to fight to keep my eyes open. There couldn't have been much of a pain killer in the mix, though, because I still felt the pricks when they hooked up several infusions to my arms, legs, and most disturbingly, neck. I was helpless and couldn't even make a sound, but inside my head I was screaming.

Then came the electrodes, all affixed to the lower back of my head where I knew the brain stem turned into the spine. I tried to protest one last time but deep down I was even glad that I couldn't move as I would have likely killed myself if the needles they jammed into me had slipped. It didn't even hurt, until Deanne gave a curt nod and someone turned on the electricity.

For the second time in ten minutes my mind went blank, but this time it was less from shock and more from the actual excruciating pain that lit up every single nerve ending in my whole body. My vision went first white, then black as someone closed the lid of the bunk over me. Then insanely bright light and my whole face was on fire, even pushing away the pain from the current running through my body.

And finally I lost consciousness as my mind decided that this whole insanity was just too much to cope with. Blissful unawareness.

***

I didn't know how long I was out cold, but the first thing that registered was pain.

The second thing was a weird sensation of coolness on my face and arm, and the memories from waking up to most of the skin on my arm gone once already got my heart thundering in my chest. I tried to open my eyes and move my arms, but it was as if my body wasn't quite following my brain's commands.

Then the recent events came rushing back, and panic set in. Pretty much the only thing I could think of was that whatever they had done to me had fried my brain for good and left me locked helpless inside the unresponsive husk that had been my body for all my life.

"She's waking up, hurry, get Dr. Stevens!"

I didn't know the voice but it was coming closer, and after a moment the darkness in front of my eyes lifted and I saw the still hazy face of a young, blond nurse looking at me.

"Dr. Caulfield, can you hear me? Do you understand what I'm saying?" she spoke in that exaggerated tone people use with someone they presume is either not too bright, or still in deep shock. "Please nod if you can understand me."

I tried to follow her direction even though the fact that she addressed me with Angela's name sent a new bout of panic through my body. First things first, though. I needed three attempts but finally my muscles complied and I felt my chin sag onto my chest, then back when I finished the nod. The nurse immediately smiled at me, and I could see her shoulders sag with relieve. Then her face was replaced by that of a somewhat elder man with graying hair who made me blink furiously as he shone a bright light into my eyes.

"Pupil dilation sluggish but increasing, how are her vital signs?"

"Her heart rate spiked seconds after her brain wave patterns changed, all readings returning to normal now."

My pulse was still racing through my body but the weird sensation in my limbs slowly lessened, and part of my brain told me they had likely tried to wake me up with a shot of adrenaline, which would explain why I felt like I had been chased by something or someone out to get me. Which, I guessed, wasn't even that far from the truth, only that they in fact _had_ gotten me.

"What's going on?"

Talking hurt and my mouth felt parched, but after a moment the pain receded and the loopy feeling left my head, and on the second attempt I could even sit up. Paranoia had me look away from the doctor and instead gaze at my own body, and I felt instant relief flood me. I still had no idea what this madness was all about, but this was definitely my body, including the smallish mole on my left ankle that I could see peeking out from under the scrubs pants I was wearing.

"That is one question you will have to answer for us, Dr. Caulfield."

I turned around to the strangely familiar voice, only to recognize the doctor who had been down in the room behind the maintenance hallway with the other ILF agents. I felt my pulse spike again, nicely underscored by the hologram next to my bed changing from yellowish readings to bright red. Before I could even think of something to say or do I felt another itch at my neck, followed by a wave of calm spreading through my body. The sedative was a mild one, just enough to take the edge off the previous adrenaline dose, but the urge to just throw myself on the floor and try to scurry away was strong.

The doctor sent me something very close to a warning glance before he went on.

"I understand that this mission is crucial to your research, but still you shouldn't engage in such risky behavior like trying to hook up to your avatar while it was still kept in a medically induced coma."

I stared at him for a few seconds, and his penetrating gaze got me casting around for words. For some reason the meds applicator that was still in his hand looked more threatening than a loaded gun would have been.

"I ... I did that? I can't remember, I -"

"The link must have caused a kind of short circuit that deleted your short term memory. Can you tell me what year we have now, Dr. Caulfield?"

He stressed my name just enough to sound threatening to me, and I answered without hesitation.

"2154."

"And do you also know where you are?"

"Pandora, Hell's Gate."

He smiled rather humorlessly.

"I see you even remember the colloquial designation that our research and mining facility has been attributed by the soldiers, I think that shows perfectly that otherwise your brain hasn't been affected. Nurse, please make sure that Dr. Caulfield remains in this bed for observation over night, and tomorrow morning you can discharge her. I will sent her assistant in soon, in the meanwhile ignore her if she gets too pesky."

A last warning glare at me and he left the room, closely followed by the other doctor who seemed rather happy to leave. While she thought I wasn't watching the nurse grimaced, and her smile was rather fake when she turned to me again.

"Dr. Stevens will be on duty tonight. Please ring for me if you need anything."

She hurried away after I had nodded slowly, leaving me alone. I had just enough time on my own to take a hesitant look around before Deanne swept in, two of the portable holo worksheets in her hand. Making sure the nurse hadn't followed her she smirked at me, then tossed one of the sheets into my lap and handed me a glass and some pills.

"I would advise you to take those really fast, because it's only a matter of time until your body cleans up the last traces of the anesthetics, and then you will really want those painkillers to work."

I hesitated for a moment, even contemplated throwing the water in her face and then try to make a run for the door, but my whole body felt exhausted as if I had spent the last hours doing some really thorough workout, and I wasn't sure I could even stand, let alone move. So I closed my eyes and swallowed the pills, washing them down with the water to ease my parched throat. Swallowing hurt, a lot, and my still sluggish mind lit up with new questions.

"What have you done to me? Why do they all believe that I'm Angela? I get that your flunky was threatening me, but the nurse and the other doc seemed pretty convinced. And you can't have everyone doing your bidding!"

Even talking in low tones hurt, but I could feel the effect of the pills spread through my body fast. The burning on my face grew less while talking normally became possible, but it didn't return to what I was used to. They must have done something to my voive box, at least that would explain the ache in my throat, too.

"They think you are Dr. Caulfield because they don't know any better. We sadly didn't get to snatch her right out of the Valkyrie landing ship so we had to improvise, but let's say you look a lot like her."

She then held out a small mirror to me, and it was a good thing that I was still sitting on my bed as it fell from my grasp the second I looked into it. While my body was still mine, my face wasn't. The shape, the eyes, even my skin tone and the traces of wrinkles at the eyes and around the mouth were different. Very different. And not just any different, if I didn't know better I would have said myself that this was Angela Caulfield's face.

"How -" I started, but words simply failed me. Next I looked down at my hand, finding the skin unblemished but rather tender, up to my neck.

"Skin grafts on your burns, we didn't have enough time & omni gel for your face and arm," Deanne helpfully supplied. When she saw me continuing to stare at her open-mouthed, she shrugged.

"I thought you'd heard of that new medical procedure already? Must have happened while you were in cryo. The newest treatment for burn victims and the must have for everyone who can somehow scrap the bucks together for their plastic surgeon. You laser the layers of skin off, apply the gel, then transform it into pretty much any shape you want. Hurts like a bitch, but then so does re-growing a limb. You, my dear, have been given a completely new chance. Take over her identity, and you have your old career back. No one will dispute you if you just stay careful. And of course don't deliberately fuck up and report back to me daily to get your shot."

"My shot?"

Grinning brightly, she produced a meds applicator from her pocket.

"You probably wonder why we set you up like this and expect you to trust us? Well, of course we don't. I'm well aware of the fact that right now you probably calculate your chances of survival if you just rat us out to the RDA. Considering that you could name up to ten people, they might even be valid. But if you do that, you will be unconscious within a day, and dead within 48 hours. There is no way to synthesize the antidote here, so unless you keep coming back every day between morning and noon, you will die. You have my word, if you complete your mission to our satisfaction, I will personally administer the antidote, and you can be rid of us if you don't want to stay with us here on this lovely planet."

I briefly wondered what became of the "stinking piece" that was "tree infested", but decided not to mention her slip. It didn't really matter. As usual, I was stuck between a hard place and a rock. Right now my mind was riling with terror and indignation alike, and not for the first time in my history of working for the ILF I wondered how I could have been so stupid to get myself into this situation.

And a small part of my mind was patting me on the back and told me to hang on tight, because this could be my one chance to get away from them for good. And not just in a body bag. And an even smaller part was filled with an impossibility that just became a probability. Seeing Hometree.

Of course showing any sign of enthusiasm would have been highly suspicious, so I gave in to the desperation that clung to my heart and heaved a heavy sigh.

"Okay, I get it. You tell me to jump, and I don't even wonder how high but do it immediately. So what exactly is it that you want me to do? Pose as Angela Caulfield is a means, but not a mission."

Deanne seemed positively surprised by my question, and was rather quick to answer. Pointing at the holo sheet still draped over my legs, she nodded at me to activate it. When I touched my fingers to the plastic, the sheet became alive, displaying a schematic of the compound and several lists with objectives.

"First of all you will need to convince the authorities that you are, indeed, her. Then you need to take control of her avatar, which could prove either difficult or impossible, we will see. If you succeed, you need to get close to Dr. Grace Augustine. She is the head and heart of the Avatar Program, and we need her on our side. She will understand, she's a botanist, she naturally abhors meddling animals. She likes the RDA as much as we do, only works with them so someone will fund her research. We will find an ally in her. You just have to befriend her to convince her to see things the right way.

"Once you got close to her you need to gain the access codes to the whole facility. Getting close to her will also bring you close to Jake Sully, as they are joined at the hip now. We'll talk about more concrete plans once this is accomplished. You shouldn't take more than two months for that, though, I hear the RDA are getting skittish about mining the unobtanium, and we cannot allow them to succeed. Any questions?"

I had many. Like how they expected me to link to a dead woman's avatar that was created for just that one human. Or what my involvement with the other avatar drivers should accomplish on both terms of eradicating the Na'vi _and_ stopping the RDA. Of course I held my tongue and just nodded, watching as the holo sheet in my hands went blank.

"And if you're wondering what happened to the physical evidence that could incriminate your identity," she leaned closer with a conspiratorial glance that made shivers run down my spine. "There was an accident earlier today, two marines and one of the civilians on the base got killed. Apparently one of the Amp Suit's ammunition detonated, leaving not enough to do a proper DNA scan or even resort to dental records. If anyone should ask, I have two eye witnesses handy who can testify that it was a certain Dee Norton who got killed. Weirdly enough no one has started a real investigation yet. Seems like you were utterly expendable."

I didn't answer, but felt more apprehension for her and her organization well up.

"Very well. Here is some of Dr. Caulfield's recent research and findings. You should familiarize yourself with that in case someone read one of her papers and asks you, although that should be highly unlikely. I will be back tomorrow morning to fetch you for your first real sync with your avatar. Sleep tight, Dr. Caulfield, and don't forget to be an uptight, obnoxious bitch to the people around you."

I stared at her for a moment, and when I didn't say anything she shrugged, and leaving the second sheet with me walked out of the room. Instead of accessing the info I just closed my eyes and willed myself to wake up from this nightmare.

This just couldn't be true. Very likely I had taken a deep whiff off some exhaust pipe and fried my brain. Or some solar flares from either of the suns of this system was causing me to hallucinate. Nothing that had happened to me in what I presumed must have been nearly a day could have been real.

And still ...

My own avatar.

But no, it could never work. Even if I had tried to forget, I knew a lot about their creation that told me without much consideration that their plan was bound to fail. It wasn't as simple a task as flashing a computer's hard drive and reinstalling a new operation system. Even though the avatars had no mind on their own, their bodies were still ten times as complicated as the most advanced computer on the base. Because they were real, they were alive, breathing biological systems that you couldn't just tinker with. Splicing Na'vi and human DNA had been hard enough but in the end it had been a question of finding the common elements and building up on them. In a way what we had done was customize the Na'vi nervous system to interact with ours, similar to how their queue worked, only through means of technology. The fact that it _did_ work of course posed a whole slew of new questions, but that was not of any importance to me now.

But even if taking control of the avatar worked, somehow, I had no idea how I should accomplish the rest. Getting closer to Jake as myself had been something that was manageable, but I couldn't see him talking to an obnoxiously bossy scientist. Besides the already obnoxiously bossy scientist who led the whole project, and who would very likely not want me snooping into her stuff.

In the end, though, there wasn't really anything I could do except take my chances and try. And then try again, and again, until either my luck or time ran out.

But maybe, just maybe, I would get to stand outside for once to take a sweet breath of Pandoran air, and as goals went, that one sounded worth getting into even more serious trouble. Only time would tell.


	6. Chapter 5: Sync

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

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**Chapter 5: Sync**

I spent the rest of the day and most of the night working myself through what I should know as my own research come morning. At least to me it was painstakingly obvious that I had no clue about half of the things. The three years up here on Pandora together with the time spent in cryo sleep had thrown me out of the loop, and apart from the basics I was having a hard time just memorizing the results, let alone understand them. And while leading up to the same field, I sorely lacked the knowledge the results were based on.

Apparently Angela Caulfield had been a maniac, she had had the ship crew wake her up every three months to update the results and give instructions to her lab people back on Earth so that even over the distance and the years she lost, she would stay one of the head researchers back at the university.

In a way I admired that fervor, but it also made me wonder if my life had really taken a turn for the worse when I boarded the ship to Pandora. I might have been far from home, but I had made friends here, and never felt useless for a single day. And 'home' had long ago become a rather abstract term anyway for me.

The night nurse stayed away from me mostly except when she brought me my dinner, consisting of the usual protein and carbs goo that burned in my still sore throat. I had forgotten to ask, but I figured they had done something to my voice box or vocal chords as I just didn't sound like myself anymore. The pain Deanne had spoken of set in shortly after she had left, but it was a lot less than what I had felt after the acid burns that had, previously, marred my skin. In a way I even welcomed the pain as it was a reminder to stay focused, and for the first time in what felt like a decade get my shit together. Whatever would happen next, I knew one thing - this had to stop. I had to be back in control of my own life, or I would spend the rest of my days doing someone else's bidding.

But for now, I had to lie low, gather my wits, play along. I knew sooner or later an opportunity would present itself for me to break out of this circle of malice, and by then I had to be ready for that.

When Deanne woke me in the morning, I did my best to play along. She wanted me to assume Angela's personality, so the first thing I did was bitch at her in front of the whole med staff. It felt oddly relieving, although I was sure she was deliberately careless when she gave me my 'shot', actually hurting me while the applicator was designed to prevent the patient from feeling more than a slightly uncomfortable sensation. I didn't comment on that, and neither did she.

Next Deanne escorted me to my new living quarters inside the compound. The module was larger than the room I had been sharing with eleven other people for the last three years, but I didn't dwell on that. Angela had been close to me in size so her clothes fit, more or less. It was still disconcerting to see her face when I looked into the mirror, but I did my best to shove the unease and anxiety away. My complacency had forced me into this position, now I had to play with the cards I had been dealt.

"Got any questions before we visit your lab? You have two hours there to get accustomed to your work space, then we meet with Dr. Max Patel to hook you up with your avatar and see if it works."

A bout of panic nearly froze me for a second, but I forced myself to calm down again.

"What happens to me once this is over? I mean this assignment. When we kick the RDA out. What are my options?"

Deanne inclined her head, scrutinizing me as if to find out where the sudden interest had come from.

"Why do you ask?"

"Let's say I want to assess how things are for me. You have me on a short leash here, but that doesn't mean I just have to pose as Angela Caulfield and be done with it when we reach our goal."

It was hard for me to pretend that I was agreeing with her insanity, but there was no real way around it. I figured the more she thought she could trust me because I wanted something from her, the more she would overlook any slips that would inevitably happen.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I want to keep her identity? You said I have to pose as her here, on Pandora, that I should take over her research. I figured you meant that as a cover only, but after reading her latest work it would be a shame to just let that all go to waste."

"Go on," she mused, her eyes taking on that fanatic gleam that I had been hoping for.

"As you said, this _is_ my chance to get my old life back, or maybe even an improved version of it. Although her field isn't quite what I would have aimed for, it's close enough, and way closer than being a grease monkey forever. Obviously I can't work with anyone who knew her, but I could claim I wanted to re-orient myself after seeing Pandora.

"I always liked being a researcher, and the fact is, if I can, I want to return to my former life. Right now people will forgive me any slips because I can always claim that the incident with the avatar unbalanced me for a while, and I'm sure that while I learn to pilot that thing no one will expect me to be up to 'my' usual speed. But once that phase is over I can pick up where she has left of."

Leaning closer to Deanne, I tried hard to show her just how sincere I was.

"This has been the dream I haven't dared to dream since I got here. I really _want_ this. I will do virtually anything to get back to living it again. You know you can force my cooperation with blackmail and threats, but I will be a lot more useful if I'm in it with my whole heart. Give me something to work for and I will not only comply, I will do my best to get this done as precise and as fast as possible. We all benefit from that, I believe."

Suspicion bloomed on her face then, but at least she didn't call me out on it that very moment.

"Let's see. I'm not some gullible fool who takes someone's word for real who I'm holding at gun point, so to say." She smirked, but then continued when I kept staring at her. "I guess it would be possible to send you back with your new identity, provided you convince everyone that you are indeed Dr. Angela Caulfield. I can see the allure for you in it, and I know and admire ambition as a driving force. Just know that until you prove me otherwise, I will not trust you out of my sight. But play your cards well and you might have hit the jackpot with this."

Smiling at her was hard, but clearly the forced grimace worked better than a sincere one would have, as Deanne laughed loudly.

"Now, let's see how good you'll do on your test run. I don't have to tell you that you treat your lab technicians as scum. Pretty much the only people you talk to without contempt are those who have at least one PhD. Obviously this also includes Parker Selfridge, the head of the RDA out here, and Col. Quaritch, chief of SecOps. You haven't yet had a chance to meet Dr. Augustine, which is just as well as that woman has a really good memory. Be respectful but arrogant in her vicinity, and I'm sure you'll bond over some obtuse detail soon enough."

Her instructions didn't surprise me, but the fact that she passed up the chance at a taunt, did.

"Very well, then let's go, it's been too long since I've seen a lab from the inside."

Not surprisingly, the next two hours were filled with a lot of bad acting from my side, but it seemed sufficient enough. The lab techs were avoiding me as much as possible, and when I accused them of messing up while I was just ignorant of what they were telling me, they took that with stoic acceptance. The more I came in contact with people who seemed to have worked with Angela Caulfield before, the more I disliked her. I just hoped that over time I would get a chance to slowly remedy things and blame it on being bad with people I hadn't known for a long time.

Then Deanne informed me that I was needed in the link room in the Avatar Compound, and my calm pretty much evaporated. I told myself I had nothing to be afraid of - either it would work or not - but the flutter in my stomach increased with every step that we took towards our new destination. At first I thought it was just full out panic, but as I stepped through the last door into the link room, I realized it was something else - hope.

The quick round of introductions washed over me like water, and I barely even noticed the underlying hostility. I was distracted enough pretending not to know any of the people of the link room crew that their actual reaction to my arrival didn't register at first. From what Deanne had explained on the way over, everyone presumed that I had jumped the gun and tried to link to my avatar on my own too soon, resulting in severe damage to the used equipment and quite some strain to both my nervous system and the avatar on the whole. This would explain away the problems I would be facing even if the link worked, and naturally the experts were all grumpy because the lay woman had played with their toys.

Dr. Max Patel was a man in his late thirties, with dark, coarse hair and beard and kind brown eyes. I knew that because over the last years, I had been working with him on a daily basis. More often than not he had stayed up when I had been working on one of the link units, regaling me with anecdotes and weird stories he had picked up from the avatar drivers or other station personnel. I considered him one of my closest friends up here, and seeing no recognition in his eyes when he looked at me killed me a little inside.

Still, he was behaving on the friendly side of professional, and for that he got a huge amount of brownie points from me. He made as if to lead me to one of the link chairs but I stopped as we passed the observation bay window where I caught a glimpse at Angela's avatar.

_My_ avatar.

Of course I had seen her before when I had sabotaged the decanting process, but I hadn't really paid close attention to her. Back then she had just been one of the huge, blue sleeping hybrids to me, but now, now she was so much more.

She lay sleeping, of course, on the gurney, with two med techs and a doctor fussing over her. I couldn't be sure with the white hospital gown hiding her body, but she looked somewhat slighter than most of the avatars I had seen. Jake told me that once you saw the Na'vi you really understood what they meant with the avatars being more bulky, but she had a certain grace to her as she lay there. A grace I myself was sorely lacking, I might add, but then she wasn't made of my DNA in the first place. Her black hair was long and thick, the braided queue resting on the gurney beside her prone form. Just as I turned to go the long tail twitched, then uncurled from her thigh and flopped towards the floor, only to come back up seconds later.

"She's getting a little restless, you should take her out for a walk," a soft voice came from beside me, and when I turned my head I saw a smile on Max's face.

"I guess I should," I replied, my voice low with awe and a rather hefty dose of fear. I still felt a smile curling up the corners of my mouth, both in answer to his, but also because of the wonderful creature that rested only a few feet away from me. She was so much more than just a biological machine, now she was real.

Max led me over to one of the link beds down the sweeping curve of the room, going over last minute instructions that were both new and familiar to me.

"Just relax and see that you let your mind go blank, only then will the link work. It's quite like the simulator, although you have to understand that with the avatar being a closed biological system, there might be a few glitches at first. Don't be discouraged if you lose the connection a lot at first, most never make it out of the room and into the field outside on their first attempt. We build them sturdy enough that they can take a few blows without even bruising up. Remember, this is not a competition, just take it slow."

I nodded as I stretched out on the chair, feeling the soft material of the warm gel packs mold itself to my body. I felt a little twitchy when he first lowered the neural sensors, then the whole lid of the link unit, but the soft blue light inside the pod had an oddly calming effect. Either that, or they were just drugging me up with some mild sedative, I really didn't know, and neither did I care.

"Just relax and try not to focus on anything," came Max's repeat instructions over the intercom. Taking a deep breath, I did my best to just let go as I closed my eyes.

Ten seconds passed, and nothing happened. I tried not to count, and instead concentrated on the sensation of the bed underneath me.

Still nothing.

I tried to just listen to my even breaths - nothing.

I tried counting down from one hundred - nothing.

I tried to somehow will the link into existence - nothing.

When all else failed I strained my ears, my heart already accelerating with fear that any moment someone would call security and they would heave me out of the unit and throw me right into the brig, or even worse, out onto the tarmac of the air field to die a slow, choking death.

The intercom crackled and Max's voice came on again.

"Your heart rate's spiking, Doc. Do you by any means have a history of claustrophobia?"

I chuckled at the notion before I could hold the reaction back, then forced myself to grow serious again.

"No, I think I'm just anxious. You know, because of what happened last time."

The intercom picked up the muted curse of someone the background, but when Max spoke again he was still calm and composed.

"Don't worry, not gonna happen again, that's what we're here for. Once you get used to the link process you will virtually do it on your own, but the first few times we're here to hold your hand and lead you through it, step by step. Your avatar's fine, just tune out everything else, relax, and eventually the connection will establish itself. If you can't clear your mind because you're anxious, we'll try again later. No pressure, you don't have to succeed today."

"Got it."

I exhaled noisily and went back to clearing my head. Deanne wouldn't be happy if I didn't make it today, but then again, what could she do? I was pretty sure I was her only option, so she depended on me, and until it was clear that I was useless, she couldn't really do anything to me. I just needed to show her, and myself, that I could do this and I would be save for the time to come.

More time passed, but I did my best not to let it affect me. Eventually I grew a little tired, and after a moment I stopped fighting it, and instead listened to my body as my breaths grew deeper and my heard beat drowned out everything around me.

A vision of the trees outside flashed into my mind, and I smiled, imagining myself walking among the trunks, running my fingers along the rough bark. Everything around me was green and lush and ...

"Angela, can you hear me?"

A loud snap came from beside me, as if something had stepped on a twig, and I instinctively turned my head. Then again on my other side, making my ear twitch.

_Twitch_.

Human ears didn't _twitch_.

A feeling of intense elation swept through me and I opened my eyes. Everything was light with just two darker blotches above me, but I couldn't focus on them. Not yet, at least. But I knew what they were, the two med techs down in the other room because above _me_ there was only the interior lining of the upper clamshell of the link unit.

I tried to nod, tried to speak, but the moment I focused, something like a violent zap snapped through me, and the next moment I was back in my own body, pain racing through my head and down along my spine until it ended as a tingle in my limbs.

"Fuck!"

The hiss of the seals disengaging was loud in my ears before Max's face appeared above me. He was grinning, and I was nearly sure there was a little bit of satisfaction in his eyes. Behind him I could see two technicians laughing behind his back, one just saying something along the lines of "serves that witch right," to the other.

"Don't worry, you did good for your first time. We'll just try again tomorrow when you've had some good night's sleep."

"Like hell I will, we're doing this now!" I shot back, exhilaration and vexation both warring inside of me. "I know I can do this, I was inside of her, I _felt_ her, I'm not going to give up now!"

Stretching so I could see around him I glared at the techs who were looking a lot less snarky now.

"And you two better shut up, because last time I looked your salaries were depending on people like me, so do your work or piss off!"

Deanne smirked at me across the room and gave me a discreet thumbs up, but I didn't regard her any longer and instead turned back to Max, squishing my temper until only excitement remained.

"Please, let me try again? I'm sure it'll work faster this time, just give me a few minutes and I'll not lose connection so soon again, I just know it!"

He didn't look too pleased at my outburst but my words pacified him again, and he nodded.

"Sure thing! We'll try until you say you're done for today, Dr. Caulfield."

"Angela. Please call me Angela."

I was sure I saw Deanne frown, but right now I was caring a lot more for the smile Max offered me in return.

"Sure thing, if you call me Max."

"Right. Then let's get back to work, Max!"

Laying down I grinned up at him one last time before he closed the lid again. I breathed in deeply and cleared my mind once more. This time it worked a lot better as I knew what feeling to hang on to, and only a few minutes later I was back inside my avatar's body.

I could see. Not well, but better than before, and in color although it was a slightly different spectrum than I was used to. I felt my heart beat and my muscles twitch when I tried to sit up, or just move, but actually taking command of the body was impossible.

Until she blinked.

Then I made her tail twitch deliberately, hard enough that the gurney next to the one my avatar was lying on rattled. I grinned triumphantly, and after a moment I even felt her lips move over her teeth.

I would have loved to feel _my_ lips move, but really, as close as I seemed to my avatar, there was this sense of distance and weirdness there. In a way I had hoped to feel her personality inside of her, but of course that was nonsense, she might be living and breathing, but her mind was empty, everything except the base functions wiped clean. The rational part of my mind wanted to scold me as I had built my whole research on the knowledge that the avatars were only highly complicated biological machines, but now they seem so much more real, almost natural.

_Sorry, girl, I knew you were waiting for someone else but you'll have to make do with me. I'm all you'll ever get._

I felt a little stupid talking to my avatar inside my head, but after a few moments I felt like something gave a little, and the sensation of strain lessened somewhat. Another few blinks and then my vision cleared, and I focused on the tech who was just peeking into my eyes with a small flashlight.

"Pupil reflexes normal, she should be up and running in no time, provided that moron didn't fry all the circuits."

His remark made me snort, the sound translating wonderfully through my avatar, and after some more mental pushing I even got her laughing. It was an awful sound but it _was_ a sound after all, making me start to do a happy dance -

Only to find myself back in my own body a second later.

"Ah, crap!"

"Easy, Ange, just try again."

I chuckled at the familiarity in Max's voice, and after a moment the intercom came on again.

"I hope you don't mind the nickname?"

"Not at all. Bring it on!"

I could picture Deanne's frown deepening, but then the intercom was a closed connection between me and Max and no one else, so I figured I could ease up a little. And really, who wouldn't have been ecstatic if they just overcame the impossible odds of linking to someone else's avatar?

My good mood stuck with me all through the afternoon, although my progress was very slow and seemed to come only with pushing and shoving. I also got a headache after a while, and the last time my avatar kicked me out my whole body was hurting with exhaustion. My face was itching all over, but that still didn't wipe the smile off completely, at least until I opened the lid of my link unit and came face to face with Dr. Grace Augustine.

Of course I knew who she was, both in her human self and her avatar. Everyone knew who she was, and until I had actually met her, I had admired her to no end. The sad fact was, like so many great minds she seemed to lack even the smallest thread of social behavior. She wasn't as avoided by the people around her as Angela Caulfield seemed to be, but that was probably due to them numbing to her hostility after more than fifteen years on Pandora.

Being a tech rather than a researcher from her staff had her snap at me when something was broke, but I still remembered how she had been before they shot her and closed her school. Not exactly sociable, but there had been so much life to her, joy and compassion. Yet after the incident, it was as if she had withdrawn completely from the world, no longer giving a damn about anything or anyone around her.

Right now she was studying some report with Max, swiftly clicking through the different pages on the holo sheet.

"Awesome, first they sent me a crippled jarhead, now we have the first avatar that needs extensive physical therapy. Remind me again what I have done to deserve this?"

Max chuckled and took the sheet when she handed it to him.

"You're the mother of this project, and like any children they are testing your limits. Just wait until you reap the benefits! A week ago you were cursing Jake at the top of your lungs, and now you're worried he doesn't get enough rest. I have a feeling that this one's going to be just as rewarding in the end."

He covertly smiled in my direction before he walked over to one of the other units, and I had the distinct feeling that the last part had been more for my benefit than Grace's. Inwardly I sighed, hoping that before long he was going to be right. Outwardly I steeled myself, and after a last exhale I got up and joined the leader of the Avatar Program.

"I think we haven't yet been introduced, I'm Dr. Angela Caulfield."

Grace turned and gave me a once-over, and I was sure I probably failed whatever test she had just applied to me, all sweaty from a day spent trying to wring the impossible right from my mind. She still shook my hand when I offered, and gave a curt nod.

"Dr. Grace Augustine, as you very well know. I hope you can leave the high and mighty attitude that some scientists develop before they get here right where it belongs, outside of Hell's Gate. We're one big family here, with all the little and not so little challenges a family poses. I hope you'll see that you fit right in, _Angela_."

I was getting a little queasy when she emphasized the name like that, but then I realized she had just deliberately enforced a first-name basis, and not hinted at knowing that I was a fake. My answering smile must have been as wane as hers, but I figured that fit in a way.

"I'm glad to be here, Grace, thank you for having me."

She seemed oddly surprised by my more or less sincere answer, but then nodded again.

"It's been about time the RDA sent me someone who could do some in depths research. I heard you were one of the best in the field of signal transduction in neural networks back on good ol' Earth?"

"Quite frankly yes, or else I wouldn't be here, right?"

I hated lying through my teeth, but I had to admit that countering her with some arrogance was a welcomed difference to the normal groveling I had had to do around her. In a way my answer wasn't even that far from the truth, as my last project had been about how to translate the early findings from Pandoran plant interaction into high velocity data transmission networks.

She fixed me with a steely glare but then something close to an amicable smile lit up her face.

"Glad to have you on board then. Now see that you get some rest, as much as I want you knee deep in data to analyze, I need you to be able to move fluently in your avatar first. See it as a new challenge, or as a vacation from your research. Learn to _be_ her, and you'll see, in no time I'll have you out there to show you the most amazing neural network I've ever seen. Trust me, you want to see that as soon as possible."

Nodding, I had to fight for a few moments to hide the broad grin that threatened to break out of me. Being in the jungle, out there, underneath those trees, breathing the free air, was just too good a goal not to be excited. I must have failed in my attempt to hide it, though, as Grace snorted before she turned away, but I thought I caught a glimpse at her own smile before she hid it from me.

_Pandora, here I come._


	7. Chapter 6: Run

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

**Again a few words that might need explaining:**

**Samson: Helicopter, similar use to a Blackhawk or Huey; while equipped with weapons, it's main use it to transport cargo (also of the living, breathing kind) around Pandora.  
Flux Vortex: A magnetic phenomenon that interferes with electronics, rendering them useless (like the instruments of a helicopter, or guided missiles).  
HabMod: Habitation Module - living quarters.**

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* * *

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**Chapter 6 - Run**

I had never thought in my entire life that I could feel so exhausted from just lying around the whole day, because theoretically that was all I did.

I got up in the morning, wolved down a bowl of high carb cereals, stayed in the link chamber until late afternoon, ate some lunch, and went back until past midnight. Max and I soon fell into a pattern that was close to how it had always been with us, particularly as he seemed to find my constant cursing rather amusing. I knew he didn't mean it in a hurtful way when he taunted me, a little, after I fell flat on my face the twenty-forth time a day, but it still grated - just enough to make me go in only minutes after my head stopped spinning.

Grace had been rather accurate when she said my avatar required physical therapy. It felt exactly like that, as if I had to relearn how to do every single thing. At first I was paranoid that this was just due to me never haven driven any of the simulated avatars, but on day three I heard Max and one of his techs talking, and they mentioned some anomalies in the avatar's brain scans from when we were linked. I knew all too well where that came from, but when I later asked him, Max told me not to worry, things like that just happened sometimes. The problem wasn't me or my inability to give the right commands, but there were some quirks in the system, even after ten years of running it smoothly.

I should have known that as the same quirks had led to eighty percent of the work I had had to do in the link room, but this time I was sure that I was the problem, not the screwed up computer system.

I was ready to despair when I still hadn't made it out of the Ambient Room on my third day, but at least basic motor functions were starting to flow easily by then. I could sit up, sometimes even stand, with patience I could dress myself, and on one particularly good day I had accomplished all that and even wobbled over to the door that led outside.

My main problem seemed to be that I couldn't keep the connection steady long enough to really get a good feel for my avatar's body. The smallest things made me wake up in the link chair again, while my avatar fell over sleeping. One of the techs even called her narcoleptic. I would have thought that funny hadn't it been so utterly frustrating.

Another byproduct of my many mishaps was that before long my whole body felt beat up without showing a single bruise. The avatars might have carbon fiber enhanced bones like their Na'vi ancestors, but the neural feedback was strong enough that I felt the impact when I lost connection and my avatar crumbled to the floor. Max explained that they had deliberately linked the pain and pleasure center to the driver as a kind of reward feedback thing, but for me that turned out to be a rather one-sided bitch.

Day four showed some promise when I finally made it off the bed and out into the yard, but there the real trouble began. Before I thought my worst problem was the lack of a good mind to motor control feedback. Then suddenly my brain was assaulted by all the impressions my avatar's senses picked up, and I felt like someone had fried my central nervous system all over again.

Day five I strained myself to my limits until I threw up in the link unit, but that at least resolved the issue that some of the techs thought I was simply not trying hard enough. But for some strange reason, after that things started working one by one.

Once I got the sensory overload under control I also got the gist of letting my avatar move around without constantly bumping into things, up to the point where I was able to pick fruits off the trees, and on attempt number three even successfully bit into one of them. The sweet juice that ran over my tongue was the best I had ever tasted, and for a moment I felt as if I was in heaven.

Then Norm came along and out of the blue threw a basketball at me, and I had just enough time to spit out the piece of fruit that was threatening to choke me before I woke up with a jolt.

"You moron, wait until I get my hands on you, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

I exploded out of my unit into the semi darkness of the link room, still disoriented from another disconnect, and was about to hurl myself at the now also awake and laughing Norm when I came to a sudden halt as Jake appeared in my path. Or rather heaved himself out of his unit and into his wheel chair, but that didn't really change the fact that he now stood between me and my cackling quarry.

"Oh you wait until I have this shit figured out, you're on my list, Norm Spellman!"

Norm just bent over laughing harder, and while I felt my own mirth bubbling up, Jake seemed less enthusiastic to join us.

"What's going on? And even more importantly, who do you think you are that you threaten my friend?"

We both sobered up when it became obvious that Jake wasn't in on our joke, and before I could find my voice, Norm stepped around the wheel chair.

"Jake, that's Angela; Ange, that's Jake Sully, I'm sure you've heard of him."

I smiled at him brightly before I realized that technically we hadn't met before, but as Deanne was nowhere in sight I let my guard down a little.

"Nice to meet you. Sorry for that outburst, but Norm was just trying to choke me with a basketball."

"Was not! And just so you know, that was all Grace's idea!"

Jake looked from one of us to the other, then focused back on me.

"I guess nice to meet you. But what's that nonsense about choking you? Norm's one of the nicest people I know. Although I must admit, I could see Grace trying to choke someone who messes with her research any day."

"It's not like that!" I tried to defend myself, but Norm interjected again.

"No, no, you see, Ange's avatar is a little glitchy, and she's been working her ass off all week to get it all under control." He grinned at me briefly, before he went on. "Now Grace has this theory that the reason why some people, like you, just get up and run off while others have more problems is simply that some ..." he trailed off, and I had the distinct idea that he was steeling himself for my reaction to his words, "while some have a stick up their ass and don't know how to let go even if something bites them hard, repeatedly. That's not from me, that's what she said, verbatim, I swear!"

I was so baffled for a moment that I didn't know what to say, but then Jake burst out laughing, and after a moment I joined it. Now it was Norm who looked at us as if we'd gone crazy, but when Jake slapped him on the back he offered a smile to me.

"You're really doing better. And while I wouldn't have phrased it like that myself, I think Grace does have a point. You just need to _do_ things instead of _thinking of doing_ them."

"Yeah, he's right."

We both turned to Jake, who shrugged at my raised brows.

"Like he said, I stood up and ran, had no problems at all. Only one hour in the simulator, all I really did was read a manual first. And now I'm running through the tree tops and throw myself down towards the ground with only some huge leaves to cushion the fall, and I haven't done more than bruised my ankle twice. It really works, you just have to trust your avatar. She'll know what to do, and how to do it. Just let yourself fall and become one with her, and then enjoy the ride."

I so wished I could believe him, but it was hard not to feel hope come up inside of me.

"Maybe you're right. It's just so frustrating!"

"At least you just have to learn to move, I have to become a hunter and learn this freaking language. Half of my injuries stem from Neytiri hitting me when I mispronounce something again!"

"That's your problem, Jake, when all the girls are hitting on you!" Norm laughed, and with a final nod in my direction walked away towards the exit. Jake and I remained behind, and for the first time since things had changed I wished to be my former self again. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, and now even more that my own chance to see some of the things he had told me about existed.

"Well, nice meeting you, Ange. See ya!" Jake turned to take his leave, and I felt a tight lump in my stomach as I watched him move away.

"You, too! And good luck out there!"

I saw him pause for a moment, but then he nodded and left. I sighed and reached for the water bottle that Deanne had thoughtfully left by my unit, before I nodded to Max that I was ready to go in again.

Later that night when I scoured the common room of the HabMod for something digestible Grace came in, and one look at her determined face told me she had been looking for me.

"Hey Doc, what's up?"

She grinned when I used the designation that most people around her favored, and treated herself to a cup of coffee while I continued to go through the instant meal packages.

"Norm told me you made some good progress today."

"If you count his attempt to kill me as such, I guess I did."

Grace laughed and more fell into the soft cushions of the sofa than sat down, exhaustion clearly dragging on her.

"We didn't have to resuscitate your avatar, so that's a bonus. He also told me you ran into Jake?"

"Yes, why?"

"What do you think of him?"

I decided to go with the soy mash, the most likely bland but at least eatable meal. After nuking it for a second I took the warm dish over to the small table next to the couch and dug in.

"Ex marine turned ambassador to the Na'vi, what can I say, we got lucky with him?"

She smiled, then lit herself a cigarette. I was still astonished that no one nagged at her because of that, but she couldn't very well go outside to take a smoke.

"I guess. Weirdly enough that's exactly what Parker told me when I protested having him on the team." She took a long drag and held the smoke in her lungs, before looking at me. "I need you out there in the field, and fast. Jake's got the Omaticaya so far that they allow me back into their village to continue my research. I want to build a small base camp just outside and take you and Norm with me. But for that I need you to be able to not fall on your ass every time something happens around you."

The ecstatic flutter in my stomach was back, but I tried to stay calm and composed.

"I see where that camp could further our research enormously. I've read your book and papers, I know you're _the_ expert on Pandoran flora, but there is so much more to explore and analyze."

"Exactly, that's where you and Norm come in. I expect you to be out there by next week, do you think you can do that?"

Feeling my heart sink, I tried my best not to look frustrated.

"It took me six days to start moving around, and I barely made it into the avatar longhouse before you closed it for the night. I honestly don't know what I can accomplish in just three more days."

Grace looked away for a moment, but when her eyes met mine again, her chin was set in a stubborn way.

"I figure Norm related my theory to you already?"

"That thing about sticks and asses? Yes, he did."

Now her grin turned nearly feral, making me swallow hard.

"I've been working with the avatars from the start, and trust me when I tell you I've seen pretty much everything happen that can happen. It's always those who think the most of themselves who have the biggest troubles with the link. You probably did good in the simulations because there it was a computer you had to beat, which made you excel and consequently feel cocky. Now the real deal's a lot more messy. But there's a rather easy cure for that."

"Extract said stick gently?" I offered, not quite sure how I should respond to her goading tone.

"Ah, not quite," Grace went on, leaning back on the couch. "You need to learn not to think of yourself as the one in control, but rather like you and your avatar melt into one united entity. Which means, more or less, that you stop giving commands, and instead act on those orders. You need to brow-beat your mind into submission, then it will work. It's already evident from your current progress, I'm sure eventually you'd find out yourself, but I simply don't have the time for that."

"What do you mean?"

She shot me a glance that told me what she thought of me having to ask her to clarify, but replied nevertheless.

"In the mornings you botch every attempt. Then you get weary, and just before lunch break things smooth out. In your break you remember who you are, and the path is rocky again. Virtually all of your successes happened in the last hour before you went to bed, when you were worn out from a day of physical and mental exhaustion, when you stopped to think what you were doing and just reacted to what was happening around you. Now sleep deprivation might be an interesting experimental tool but I already see with our marine how quickly the mind starts to deteriorate there, and I need you sharp. So starting tomorrow you will spend an hour in the gym each morning, powering yourself out on the treadmill until you're comfortably fatigued. We'll see if you can link up easier when you're already tired when we start."

Grace got up then, deeming the conversation over. I really didn't know what to think, except for a certain apprehension at starting the day with sweat and muscle cramps. Then again if it really worked, I was ready to let her chase me through the whole compound every morning from now on.

***

The sun was still below the horizon when I got up and searched the cupboards for some exercise gear. Apparently Angela had not only been a shrew but also a prude, and I had to make do with a flabby t-shirt and long pants. I was just writing a note to tell Deanne to get me something more suitable when there was a knock at the door, revealing Trudy Chacon outside.

I knew her from evenings spent in the cafeteria playing poker, and more recently from when we had tried to tweak her Samson so that the flux vortex wouldn't screw up all her instruments whenever she got even close to the Hallelujah Mountains. We hadn't succeeded but had bonded over cursing the equipment, and just like with Max I missed her friendship. Only this time I culled my initial reaction and didn't smile brightly, but instead forced a frown onto my face.

"What are you doing here?"

The question was valid, even more so that she was wearing shorts and a cropped tank with running shoes.

"The Doc sent me to drag you to the gym and make sure that you don't just stand around and ogle the guys pumping weight. Come on, daylight's burning."

I was a little taken aback by her abrasive tone, but then she didn't know it was _me_. I also figured that Grace had probably set her to do this outside of her duty hours, so another reason to be grumpy. I left it at a curt nod and followed her, taking a bottle of water with me.

Although it was pretty early the gym was moderately full, and I could see at a glance what Trudy had meant about Grace's instructions. I felt oddly self-conscious with what I was wearing, but then again my less than trim body would have looked even more ridiculous in her clothes than mine. Without complaint I let her set up the treadmill program for me while the system calculated the optimal values, before Trudy stepped onto the treadmill next to mine and nodded for me to start running.

I hadn't yet finished with the slower warm-up stage when suddenly the display screen in front of me changed from showing my stats to a smaller video com window, showing me Grace's grin as she was drinking coffee, hunched over some data sheets.

"Good morning, I see you've already taken a step in the right direction of following orders rather than issuing them?"

I shrugged, then had to speed up when the program switched from slow to normal.

"I'm nothing if not dedicated to this, Grace. No need to check on me personally, your watch dog is very thorough in doing the job for you."

I could see Trudy sneer in my direction, but then she looked away from me again, her face relaxing into her usual cocky grin. I averted my gaze from the display for a moment to see what she was looking at, and nearly laughed when I saw Norm try to impress one of the other avatar drivers by bench-pressing weight. It just didn't work so well as even with the lower gravity here he had to gradually go down until he was only lifting the bar with the lightest sets of weights.

"That's good. I see you're doing well with the set program, feel free to gradually increase your speed, you should be running at your limit for the last fifteen minutes. And to make sure that you don't grow tired of staring at sweaty men before long, here's a brief summary of my recent project that should interest you. Tell me later what you think of it."

Said and signed off, leaving me with fancy diagrams displayed all over my screen.

For some reason or other I had a bad feeling about this, but nevertheless made a few motions with my fingers to zoom in on one of the three dimensional schematics.

"Must be a bitch that you can't even leave work behind when you're working out, eh?"

Trudy sounded way too satisfied, and I snorted while I punched the controls to increase the speed I was going at. She had clearly set a very gentle program, and as I wanted to give Grace's idea a try, I might as well push myself for real.

"No kidding! And I'd hoped I could take a few weeks off this stuff while learning how to drive my avatar, but no chance!"

She laughed in turn.

"Trust me, it's worth it, you ain't seen nothing yet until you've been out there. They all go nuts the first time they're in the jungle, seen it happen over and over again."

I snorted, trying to shrug her words off, but the traitorous machine showed the clear pickup in my heart rate.

"We'll see about that," I replied haughtily, and then pointedly focused on the display before me. I briefly scanned the overview, but then switched right to the three dimensional images. My brain wasn't yet up for any in depth work, but I figured the pretty pictures would be a good point to spark my interest. And oh, I was right.

Two minutes into gaping at her results, then I shut the treadmill off by punching the 'stop' button before I thumped the screen until the previous connection was live again. As she came on, Grace already positively smirked at me.

"Now that was fast. Saw something that strikes your fancy?"

"This is fucking amazing!"

My rather emphatic outburst must have turned a few heads in the gym, but I really didn't care.

"Are you serious, a whole network? Like interface, upload, download, easy access and full communication spanning the whole moon?"

"That's my working theory, yeah."

"That's just -" I gasped, then stopped as words failed me. 'Amazing' didn't even begin to cover it, and I had already overused the word anyway. Of course I knew that the Na'vi queue was used to interact with their environment, but I had always believed, like everybody else, that it ranged on a basis with normal sensory input, like touch or smell. A novelty, a quirk, something completely alien that we couldn't quite figure out what it was for, but for the sake of giving the avatars a mostly natural appearance the information for the queue had been part of the Na'vi DNA used. Seeing Grace's research made me nearly forget the qualm I still had about how I had gotten here.

"I know," Grace went on, a smile on her face that reached her eyes - the first one of that kind I had seen on her. "I hope it helps with providing that final kick your ass needs to fall in line. I promise to take you out there the first day I can be sure that you don't faint on me every few minutes."

I was left with barely enough mental capacity to nod, and she signed off. My mind was racing with ideas and theories, and I barely noticed when Trudy nudged me onto the treadmill again and re-programmed it to a slightly slower pace than before.

The rest of my hour in the gym flew by in a haze, as did my quick shower and breakfast afterwards. My muscles felt weary while my mind was on fire, but I forced myself to calm down enough not to lapse into my previous problems with establishing the connection. My state of excitement must have been quite plain as Max's voice came over the intercom as soon as I had shut the upper clamshell.

"I see you're quite ready to roll, eh?"

"You have no idea!"

His laughter made me smile as I closed my eyes, willing my mind to shut up for just a second -

And a moment later I woke up in my avatar's body, the high beams of the shed above me. The rich scent of wood and earth assaulted my nose as I inhaled deeply, the usual smile coming to my face. I was tempted to resume my usual routines - getting up, doing a quick check if I could wriggle all my fingers and toes, then move around slowly - but quite frankly, I was itching to be done with the stalling, and the mental image of Grace's diagram was so vivid on my mind that I was surprised I didn't actually see it.

_Doing instead of thinking of doing. Should be easy, right? Come on, girl, we can do this!_

Of course it wasn't that easy, but I was surprised that when I closed my eyes and got up before really making myself do the same, my avatar's motions, were a lot more fluent than I had grown used to over the last week.

_My avatar's. Maybe that's the problem? Maybe I should rather think of me than you, eh?_

As always when I talked to her in my mind I waited for some kind of comeback, but of course there was none. I figured that might have been part of the same problem, too. I still felt like I was somehow _violating_ her with my presence, but the more I got used to it, the less glitches occurred.

_I guess we'll just have to suck it up then._

Steeling myself for what exactly I didn't know, I made her move forward and once out of the hut I directed her towards the training parcours. I knew that I didn't yet have the coordination to successfully vault over the obstacles, but Grace's idea of how to wear my mind down translated just as well to my avatar's body as my own.

And for some reason or another, it worked.

Five hours and only two disconnects later I clambered out of my link chair again, aching all over. I knew I should have felt ecstatic, but some part of me, call it my conscience, still felt like I shouldn't be cheering the fact that somewhen between knocking myself out when I ran head-on into a tree and finally vaulting over one of the bars, something had clicked inside of me and the resistance that I had felt had vanished, along with the sense of detachment. The really sad thing was, I had actually been relieved. But it was so damn hard not to holler excitedly when Max came over to hug me, showing more affection than usual.

I figured all I could really do now was run with it, and promise myself not to maul my avatar too badly in the days ahead. Knowing myself, I somehow doubted I would succeed with that. Still, when Grace walked up to me next morning at breakfast and told me to be ready to pack my gear and meet her at the flight line in twenty minutes, I was as excited as I had seldom been in my life before.


	8. Chapter 7: Sortie

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

A quick heads-up - because it's getting complicated with who is saying what in which language - and as I'm a dork like that, I'm not letting everyone babble around in English!

The key:  
"English sentence."  
_'Na'vi sentence.'_

Yes, it's that easy. Just wanted to make sure. I might add a few words in Na'vi in future chapters, but I'll either let the characters translate, or add the translation in the A/N. Also, I deliberately try to make the native speakers use a simpler vocabulary and/or slightly off grammar in their non-native language (like when Neytiri speaks English, or Dee cracks out her Na'vi), so if you notice mistakes there, they are deliberate.

And as usual, whole sentences alone in italics are thoughts.

Thank you for reading this eeendless A/N!

I also added a few avatar resource links to my profile, for the educated and interested geek! They are right on top under the personal info.  
**  


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Chapter 7: Sortie**

The wind beating into my face carried a myriad of new scents, and for a while that was enough to keep me focused and centered. Still, Trudy's Samson touching down after what felt like an eternity was a wonderful thing, even more so that I spent the next five minutes hunched over, retching.

Quite the way to get a first real impression of Pandora.

"Norm, you stay with our Miss 'I will never quite be an aviator' here until she's done contaminating our landing site, then you follow me to the camp."

"Sure, Doc!"

Both Grace and Norm were way too chipper for my likings, but I was too occupied with feeling vaguely like myself again, sassing back wasn't yet on the to-do list. Norm even offered me a leaf to wipe my mouth clean, the compassion on his face enough to make me drop my partly hostile attitude.

Then my gaze fell at the trees surrounding the little clearing the helicopter was taking up, and all thoughts of resentment just evaporated.

_So this is it._

Pandora. Paradise, for so many people. While I wasn't yet that out of myself that I felt like flocking to them, I had to admit that I was a hell of a lot impressed.

Norm didn't seem too devastated that Grace had set him up for babysitting duty – while I did my best to keep the remaining contents of my stomach where they belonged, he spent the time chatting with Trudy. It was kind of fun watching them smile at each other, Norm trying to be all suave while Trudy's smirk softened to a grin more often than not.

Once I was able to stand on my own again, I straightened and took a tentative look around. The view alone was stunning, but the scents and sounds I picked up made it nearly too beautiful to be true.

Three years of being stationed in Hell's Gate had me shown what Pandora was to humans – a living, breathing, green hell. Living next to one of the mine pits, trying hard to but never quite managing to keep up maintenance of the Amp Suits had ingrained that knowledge in my brain, although I had never even belonged to the tree-hugging eco enthusiasts who believed that was all just a way to keep the personnel in check.

If you were human, Pandora was out to get you.

But now, standing here, I didn't exactly feel human anymore. In a way, it even felt like home.

Sighing, I shook my head and tried to focus a little more closely on my surroundings, but Trudy's previous words were only too true – going nuts from the impressions sounded about right for what was going on with me at the moment. Wonderfully so, but it was still embarrassing as it usually took a lot more to unsettle me like that.

The trees were just … tall. Gigantic. Of course I had seen them from the backyard of the compound when I had stared longingly at them, but from up close they were like a hundred times more impressive. The way the trunks and roots twisted and grew seemed to defy gravity, going horizontal as much as vertical, and everything was swathed in thick layers of the greenest moss I had ever seen.

Flowers bloomed everywhere while small animals slowly returned after having scattered when the Samson touched down. My mind automatically switched into categorizing them, but I didn't get much farther than "_oh, pretty!"_ before my attention was diverted to the next plant, to the next scurrying animal. A pack of Prolemuris chattered at us as they passed by the clearing, and I couldn't help staring at them open mouthed. They looked somewhat like six limbed apes, their bright eyes studying us with open curiosity.

"They're funny little fellows, and quite fast with their four arms swinging technique," I heard Norm pipe up next to me.

Turning my head I nodded, only a little tempted to tease him about his evident attraction to our perky pilot, but he beat me to it.

"Ready to go?"

Still bewildered from the impact of the wildlife around me I left it at another nod, then followed Norm as he set out into the forest. The walk to the camp was short, only ten minutes through the underbrush, but I was sure I saw at least three new plants that I hadn't read about in Grace's book before. Thankfully my patient guide left me time aplenty to stop and stare, sometimes even touch some of the specimen along the path.

The forest soon opened into another, larger clearing, a small tent with some containers out front at the other side. I ditched my backpack next to the makeshift desk, and then stretched, trying to work out the kinks in my back. Grace was no where in sight, but Norm gave me a quick tour of our little home away from home.

The tent was equipped with everything we'd need – the whole gear for taking, processing, and analyzing samples, a com station to stay in touch with the labs at Hell's Gate, and even some bedrolls stashed in the corner should our trips turn out to be longer than Col. Quaritch allowed the Samsons to be flying. I was burning to stay here for an all-nighter to see the fabled bioluminescence for myself, but at the moment I was just glad that I hadn't yet lost my connection to my avatar once. For some reason, out here it seemed a lot easier to stay in this body than in the backyard of the compound.

Apparently Grace was over at the Omaticaya village, leaving Norm and me to settle in on our own. Norm explained that Hometree was just three clicks away from here, easy walking distance for the avatars – close enough so we could interact with the Na'vi, but at the same time too far away for them to feel like we were camping on their doorstep.

I spent another thirty minutes just ogling the trees around the camp while Norm powered up our equipment. Armed with two portable scanners we then set out again to do what millions of scientists were right now wanting to kill us for – gathering first-hand data from the surrounding nature. Which was a rather glorified way of describing us kneeling in the mud while we stared in awe at what our analyzers picked up.

Grace returned around midday with a basket full of fruit – our lunch – but stayed barely long enough to make sure Norm and I were clear what we had to do – gather data to find out just how accurate her guess of a global neural network was. I wondered for a while if I should have protested, but the woman I was posing for _had_ had a real interest in that research, as did I, so I figured the easiest way was to just run with it. I had no idea how Norm coped with being degraded to little more than a field lab tech, but then I saw him grin nearly non-stop while we gathered our data, and I couldn't help but feel the same. I think we would still have grinned if Grace had us scrape up some Prolemuris droppings or something like that the whole day long.

A while later I was confronted with a situation that was as alien as it was hilarious to me – for the first time ever I had to use the toilet far far away from the next built facilities. Norm warned me not to go too far into the trees but I still made sure to be well out of the immediate line of sight from our camp. Growing up in a megacity on a planet that had virtually no uninhabited patches anymore that weren't a polluted, desolate wasteland, I had never before been subjected to taking care of things like this – and having a tail didn't exactly help.

Neither did the feeling of being watched.

Suddenly Jake's recollection of his first meeting with the hammerhead and the thanador came to mind, and I couldn't help feeling paranoia gripping me hard. It was quite the feat getting my pants back up without ending with my tail going through one of the legs as the stupid thing seemed to stick to my thigh the more my anxiety grew. I could also feel my ears twitch madly, and by the time I was done dressing I more or less ran back to the clearing. Norm gave a little yelp when I burst from the bushes, but one look at my face and he donned something what he probably thought was a calming smile.

"Don't worry, the large critters stay away from here, we're too close to Hometree. The only thing large enough to be dangerous to you are probably some of the Na'vi watching us."

My heart rate hadn't yet dropped before it spiked again, and I wondered if my blue cheeks turned purple now with my blush.

"And exactly how should that put me on ease?!"

Norm blinked, and I was oddly fascinated by the fact that he really didn't seem to realize where my indignation hailed from.

"Uh, not being eaten alive is a good thing?"

I stared at him for another moment, then hugging my torso forced myself to calm down before one of the techs in the link room shot me up with some sedative.

"Nevermind. You're right, I'd hate to go out with my pants tangled around my angles."

"Is that sarcasm? I mean what were you hinting at before?"

I left it at a shrug and picked up my scanner again.

"I'm serious, it's nothing. I'm just paranoid is all."

Then a new dreadful thought came seeping in – what would have happened if something had startled me while I was in the bushes, making me lose connection to my avatar with my pants down – and suddenly just being watched wasn't all that bad anymore.

That evening, sleep was a long way from coming. An hour before sundown Norm and I had packed our things and retreated to the Samson landing site, while Grace had opted to stay in the camp. She told us in no uncertain terms that while useful for datamining, she still didn't trust our abilities in controlling our avatars enough to let us stay out in the wilderness, so she sent us back with Trudy. I spent the rest of the evening pouring over the data I had gathered during the day, starting on a few statistics from our readings but mainly ogling the diagrams of how fast and efficient the signal transduction inside the roots of the trees was.

The following two days passed like that, except that on the second I got myself a rash from using the wrong kind of leaves to clean up myself. The resulting itch had me a little miserable as long as I was linked up, but the wild beauty of Pandora was still enough to make me jump right in the second I was done eating breakfast or lunch.

Day four came, and with it a few changes. For one, the weather turned from pleasantly mild to scalding hot, the humidity approaching a horrible high in the early afternoon. Norm and I soon gave up trying to make sense of the latest readings we had gathered, and after a while I ditched the long legs of my pants and shirt, staying in just the standard issue shorts and tank top. Even with far less clothing I still felt stiflingly hot, so I decided to make the best of it and just lay down in the grass at the edge of the meadow, letting the sun warm my body pleasantly.

The sounds of the wind rustling in the trees soon made me fall asleep, and I was horribly annoyed to wake up in my link bed for no apparent reason. Max still had me eat a quick lunch before he let me back in, as per Grace's instructions. Ten minutes later I was back inside the languidly hot body lying on the grass, and this time I paid attention that I only dozed and didn't fall asleep.

Loud snoring made me look up a while later, and when I craned my neck I found Norm fast sleep in the shade of the tree he had pretended to be working on for most of the day. Grinning brightly I settled back again, intent on spending some more quality time doing nothing, when the soft rustling of the leaves above me changed a little in cadence.

It was hard to keep pretending to be relaxed, particularly as my traitorous ears wanted to pick up instantly, but I made myself remain completely still for another minute. Then I opened my eyes ever so slightly, peeking through my lashes up into the green canopy.

True enough, a pair of huge yellow eyes was watching me from barely four meters up. The eyes were pretty much the only thing I saw of the Na'vi perched in the tree above me, and if he had closed them a moment earlier I wouldn't have been able to make out the shape clinging to the branch at all. I wasn't even sure it was a _he_, but I figured it took a male of whatever species to stalk sleeping women lying in the grass.

My paranoia from tmy first personal hygiene trip had never fully disappeared, but over the last days I had kind of gotten used to feeling as if there was a target painted between my shoulder blades. I was pretty sure that it was a whole group watching us, probably a rather unlucky band of warriors who had been set up to babysit us. They had been stealthy enough, but when you spend ten hours sitting on the ground without moving around a lot, you get good at noticing things that happen around you. I hadn't really gotten a good look at any of them yet, but a few glimpses of eyes or an arm or leg had given them away.

I didn't really know how to react to their presence. They clearly didn't want to interact with us or they would have walked out onto the clearing. Norm seemed oddly oblivious of what was going on around him, and I hadn't discussed my theory with him, but on more than one occasion I had had the impression that they seemed to become careless.

When I opened my eyes again to look straight up I met the unwavering yellow gaze head-on, and this time I was pretty sure he had deliberately given away his position.

The ultimate question posed itself to me – how does one react when being stalked by a nearly ten foot tall blue alien while lazing in the sun? If I had been an anthropologist, or had some background in behavioral studies, I would maybe have tried to strike up a conversation.

As it was, I was tired of huddling behind ferns that gave me rashes when my sky blue butt came too close to them, and the combination of heat and humidity left me too mellow to care much for manners at the moment.

Making sure he was still watching me, I stretched myself vigorously, probably a little too much considering how tight the tank top and shorts sat on my body, before I sat up and stared up into the tree.

_'Where I come from it's considered impolite to stare so blatantly at a girl.'_

His long, sinuous body moved as he turned his head to the side, letting me catch a first real glimpse at his features. He was too far away for me to see the bioluminscent markings - small sprinkles of a lighter color that were inherent to the Na'vi and that even our avatars had all over our bodies - but I tried to commit the cyan and blue tiger stripe patterns on his forehead and cheeks to memory. The bright yellow eyes were still the most striking part of his face, and it was hard to really focus on anything else. Still, the grin he was sporting translated pretty well even through the alien features.

_'But you're a long way from home.'_

I had worked hard on polishing my Na'vi up during the last few days, but hearing it spoken for the first time by one of them was still showing me just how stunted my own speech patterns were. No wonder he was highly amused by my babble, but at the moment I didn't really care.

_'So you do that all the time here? Lay in wait and watch?'_

Sadly I couldn't think of any way to describe "stalker" to him, but the meaning of my words seemed to come true just fine. He sneered, and a moment later he vaulted from the branch, touching down lightly on his feet next to me.

He was tall, even for a Na'vi, and relatively beefy. That still made his muscles impressively toned on a frame that was leaning towards emaciating - measured in human standards. Unlike most of the warriors he kept his hair unshorn in a rather chaotic mess of dreads somehow knotted around his queue, and even standing up I barely reached to his clavicles.

If there was one thing I hated even more than being stalked, it was being physically dwarfed be the one doing the stalking. I figured that the Na'vi had a similar understanding of personal space than we had, and he was deliberately invading mine. In a show of defiance I crossed my arms over my chest, but that only made me oddly aware of how little I was wearing. And he definitely stared at my boobs before his eyes roamed back up to my face.

I exhaled slowly, telling myself to stop judging his behavior by human standards. Considering how much clothing the Na'vi usually wore he probably still thought of me as a stuck up spinster. And the fact that _he_ was basically naked except for the loincloth didn't help much, either.

_'You shouldn't be here.'_

His words made me frown, even more so that they seemed at odds to his suddenly gentler tone.

_'Why? Grace got permission to set up this camp, and we won't go anywhere except where we are allowed to.'_

Now it was his turn to frown, and I was already starting to wonder what exactly I had said with my patchy vocabulary when his eyes widened for a moment, until he looked nearly taken aback.

_'No, not not here,'_ he gestured at the forest, _'but not _here_,'_ he nodded at the ground where I was standing. _'If you stay in the sun you will get sick and start to puke, then the whole forest will stink of it and ruin my good mood!'_

His words made me feel incredibly stupid, and enough of that must have shown on my face as his split into a bright grin.

_'Although seeing you crawl around on the floor with your behind in the air might be worth it,'_ he added dryly, before he turned around and simply walked back into the forest. I remained standing where I was, unable to say anything while I just stared after him. The view definitely didn't help my loss for words.

Finally rallying what was left of my mushy brain I harrumphed, then called a rather flippant "Yeah, well at least my ass isn't as scrawny as yours!" after him.

Laughter floated from between the shadows of the tree trunks, and I was pretty sure that he called something that sounded suspiciously like _'freak!'_ back to me. I wasn't even sure I wanted to ask Grace for the exact translation of the word, and only belatedly wondered if he knew enough English to have gotten my insult.

When I turned around I found Norm still blissfully asleep and figured Max must have held him up for lunch, too. I had to admit that the heat of the sun _was_ making me a little woozy, so I sat down in the shade of the tree next to him instead of testing the nausea inducing theory. The feeling of being watched didn't go away, but at least now I had a face to match to the most likely source.

* * *

**I'm sorry I'm lacking a week behind in review replies - I hope I get to them soon! **

Two things:

Several of you noted that Delilah is right now living inside a bubble - that's true, she spent the last week with not much else than trying to get a hang on how to drive her avatar, while Deanne making sure that she didn't do too much socializing to compromise her cover. Things will change soon.

Also, Dee and Norm's avatars don't spend their nights at the camp or at Hometree - they sleep in the hut in the Avatar Compound and get transported to and from Hell's Gate via helicopter each day. While they spend most of their day inside their avatars, they still eat breakfast and dinner with most of the other people on the base. So Dee gets her shot _before_ she links to her avatar in the morning.

**See ya tomorrow!**


	9. Chapter 8: Camp

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.  
**

**I forgot to thank my lovely friend jjuliebee last chapter - she coined the phrase 'scrawny blue ass'.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Camp**

After that little incident, things started to ease up.

While it had taken a lot of watching and paying attention the first few days at the camp to catch a glimpse at the Na'vi keeping an eye on us, the following day even Norm wasn't able to stay oblivious of them any longer. My first guess had been right, the Omaticaya had sent three of their hunters to watch us, and if I wasn't mistaken my yet nameless stalker was the youngest of them, at about thirty-five or so. Apparently the patience to sit around and do virtually nothing came with age, but after another day or two I was convinced that I was by far the most mature being around.

One indication of that was that ever so often when we heard some animal or other rustling in the trees, one of the hunters would throw a fruit in that direction to scare it away, incidentally making Norm and me jump. The ensuing snickers were a good sign of just how serious they took their duty of keeping us safe.

We also saw them lounging around in the trees sometimes, and after a while the suspicion that at least one of them must have been quite fluent in English dawned on me. Well, _dawned on me _was probably the wrong expression, as it just took me overhearing them talk about the nickname they had apparently bestowed on me to know that my rather emphatic outburst had gone neither unobserved nor untranslated. Quite frankly, I would have preferred the rather positive version of freak that my stalker had called me instead.

Still, the three Na'vi hunters weren't all about mischief, and when they apparently felt more comfortable around us, they showed up on the edge of the camp on the evening of the day after my foot-in-mouth moment. Norm jumped at the chance to talk to them, and while they seemed a little bewildered at his somewhat more stilted way of expressing himself, they clearly did some of that insane male bonding that seemed to bridge the gap between our species within half an hour. Must have been something about standing around chatting while the women did all the work.

The sun was already approaching the horizon, indicating that we would soon have to retreat to the rendez-vous point with our air taxi, when Grace followed by Jake and Neytiri walked into the camp. Norm seemed a little flustered being caught standing around talking, but Grace signaled him with a dismissive nod not to mind her and instead came over to me, while the other two joined the merry round.

"How's your research coming?"

I shrugged and got to my feet, stretching before I brushed some clumps of dirt from my knees.

"I'm getting good results from the ferns, although sooner or later I will have to dig up one of them to get better scans. I just didn't want to do that yet and strain relations or something."

Grace nodded.

"It should be okay, as long as you don't start chopping down trees. The RDA is doing enough of that already." She stopped for a moment, her eyes narrowed in vexation before she went on. "Maybe you can get one of the hunters to help you?"

"Do I look like I have reservations getting my hands dirty?"

She gave me a pointed once-over, her gaze snagging on the various strains on my clothes.

"No, quite frankly you look as if you'd been secretly trying to get a spa treatment in with your research. But you could maybe strike up some conversation, get to know the Na'vi better."

As usual with Grace, I wasn't quite sure if what she said was really what she meant, or if she was testing me in some way or another.

"Why should I do that? Norm is the anthropologist, I'm not quite one of the talking people."

Now her grin turned nearly feral.

"Oh, come on, I hear you already did some talking, would be such a waste to disband the fragile bond of friendship you already established!"

I sent her a long look but didn't answer, her taunting tone enough of a confirmation that while she was mostly absent from the camp, she knew only too well what was going on.

"But be that as it may, the reason why I came back to talk to you is a different one. How are you doing with your avatar? Any random disconnects of late?"

"Only two today, and I think one of them was an actual glitch in the link unit. I had no problems reconnecting, though, and I've been out barely long enough for one of them to sneak up on me and stick some fern fronds into my hair."

The look of astonishment on her face was priceless, but was all too soon replaced by a smirk.

"Quite the authority figure you are when the natives dress you up like a doll the moment you turn your back on them! But that means you're not ready yet to leave camp, it's too dangerous out there. You'll stay here and I will take only Norm with me when we go deeper into the forest tomorrow."

I had to admit that I was a little disappointed, but it wasn't as if I didn't have enough work here anyway.

"That's okay, I'll keep myself busy on my own."

"I bet you will." With those words she turned and strode over to the others. "Norm, pack your gear, I'm sure Trudy's already waiting for you to be done here for the day."

The way he hunched his shoulders in turn made me grin, just as did the way his ears visibly peaked up and his tail swooshed around in excitement. I was sure that Grace noticed, but she didn't chide him for once.

I started gathering my own stuff into my backpack when I heard someone approach, finding Jake coming towards me with Neytiri trailing behind him. I hadn't met Jake's avatar before but it wasn't hard to recognize him - the features were strikingly familiar. Neytiri I knew by name, reputation, and the documentary briefing the new avatar drivers got. As the Omaticaya clan leaders' daughter she belonged to the few Na'vi pretty much everyone knew. Slender and graceful, she still carried herself with that hint of danger that alluded to her status as one of the best hunters of her people.

Right now Jake was looking worried while she was trying to hide a grin, and I had a certain suspicion what was going on.

"Hi Ange, how ya doing? May I introduce my teacher Neytiri?"

I smiled at Jake and did my best to get the proper greeting gesture towards Neytiri right, and after doing the same she grinned at me.

"Nice to meet you. Ange."

Her pronunciation of the name was slightly off, and after a moment I realized that the reason for that was likely that she was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. I felt a grin on my own come up. Jake evidently missed the silent communication going on between us, and was now looking even more uncomfortable than before.

"I see you're settling in here alright?"

"Can't complain, really, although the company's weird sometimes."

Jake scratched his head, then shot a slightly quizzical look at Norm.

"I guess Norm can be strange, he's only recently stopped giving me the evil eye although at other times he's behaving like an old friend already."

A chuckle escaped me then, but it was Neytiri who answered Jake's bewildered look.

"I don't think she talks of Norm."

That only furthered his puzzlement, but when he turned back to me he still looked so queasy that I figured he hadn't caught on yet.

"I probably shouldn't tell you, but the Na'vi gave you a nickname."

It was so hard not to smirk that my face actually ached, but for some reason seeing Jake squirm was exhilarating.

"Really?"

"Uhm, yeah."

"What do they call me?"

Now he looked ready to bolt, but Neytiri nudged his arm when he remained silent.

"You tell her. You said she should know."

Jake sent a pained look over to the group of hunters who were still chatting with Norm, then he focused back on me.

"They, ah, complimented your, uhm, feminine figure. Although I'm not quite sure on the actual complimenting part."

My own embarrassment at the whole thing was probably the reason why I couldn't stop myself from laughing then, loud enough to draw everyone's attention to me. Grace rolled her eyes before she went back to studying a data sheet, but I just couldn't let Jake off the hook that easily.

"So what exactly are they calling me?"

Neytiri looked away and pretended to scratch her chin while she hid her bright smile, and after gloating at her Jake finally answered.

"They say you have a big behind. Very shapely but, well, big. They're comparing it to some of those big, round fruits, you know, the blue ones that taste slightly sweet?"

The grin on my face must have been nearly nasty because Jake looked ready to run away, while Neytiri snickered, clearly delighted. Turning to her, I smirked.

_'I guess you didn't get that far in your vocabulary lessons yet?'_

She answered with a shrug.

_'He doesn't need to know. I'm keeping that for when I can properly insult him in my language and he knows enough to understand.'_

Shaking my head, laughing, I turned back to Jake, who seemed to be getting suspicious of our conversation.

"You still have much to learn. And the part about the fruit wasn't referring to my ass."

He looked really taken aback when he finally caught on, and Neytiri's laughter didn't seem to help.

"You knew that, and you totally let me make an idiot of myself!"

She stopped laughing then but her grin remained, now also filtering into her voice.

"Too much fun not to! Ange don't mind, right?"

Neytiri eyed me askance, and I shook my head with a low chuckle.

"It's refreshing to see that independent of where they come from, men always act like twelve year old boys."

She nodded sagely and Jake's pained sigh got us laughing again.

Grace's holler interrupted our merry moment of female bonding, and Neytiri smiled one last time at me.

"Nice meeting you, Ange. And Mar'kay know English well, you can keep insulting him if he is stupid."

She nodded over to my hulking stalker, who even had the gall to grin back at me. I scowled for a moment, but at least now I had a name to better direct any future comebacks.

"Thank you, I will keep that in mind."

Neytiri then slapped Jake on the shoulder to signal him to go, and after a last apologetic smile he turned around. She seemed still highly amused and not ready to stop teasing him.

"Don't worry, I not think you have a," she stopped, then grinned back over her shoulder at me, "'scrawny ass' either."

Jake, still riding on the martyrdom train, shook his head in defeat.

"Now that's definitely something I need to keep in mind when you nearly kill me tomorrow again!"

Her ringing laughter was the only answer he got, and then they were swallowed up by the vegetation as they left the camp. Grace clearing her throat behind me got me scurrying for my pack, and as I already heard the rotors of the Samson approach I only had time for a last haughty gloat into the direction of the hunters before I had to go. Which was probably for the best, considering tomorrow I wouldn't even have Norm to keep me company, or if things went bad, to defend my narcoleptic avatar from more fern attacks to come.

After putting my avatar to sleep I felt once again drained and exhausted when I climbed out of the link chair. I was just stretching when the unit next to mine powered down, and moments later I heard Jake's slightly cranky voice float over to me.

"Ange?"

"Yeah?"

"You're so on my shit list now!"

I was doubled over laughing by the time he rounded the unit so we were face to face, and it only got worse when Max shot us both a very bewildered look.

"You should know that it's not politically correct to laugh at a cripple, right?"

I tried my best to shut up, partly because my stomach was already aching.

"I'm not laughing at _you_, but at your gullibility! And if you think the whole thing over again, I'm the victim here, not you. Just saying."

He snorted, now a grin of his own forming in the corners of his mouth.

"But you clearly don't mind the Na'vi making fun of your ass and tits!"

Still grinning I stuck my tongue out at him, which seemed to add to his playful indignation.

"What else but laugh can I do? I'm sure that if I walk up to that jerk and push my shoulders back while I keep my hands on my hips and tell him to stop staring at my assets he will do so this very second!"

The whole situation got indefinitely more hilarious when I assumed that very pose, and given the fact that I could probably only impress a Na'vi with my physical attributes but never a human, it ended with Jake and me both laughing together.

Norm joined Max then, looking confused when he saw us unable to rein ourselves in.

"What did I miss?"

Before Max could answer, Grace did from across the room where she was greedily puffing away on her post-link cigarette.

"Only a very scientific exchange that shows the utter dedication of your fellow team members to our joint research!"

Her words got me cackling anew, while Jake turned around to grin at Grace.

"Hey, we just found out that the Na'vi have a similar sense of humor than we do, that must count for something! Oh, and women of whatever species are out to get us men!"

Grace's snort was the only answer he got from her, while Norm seemed even more perplexed.

"I feel like I'm definitely missing something here. What do you mean by humor?"

"I'll explain over dinner," Jake replied, grinning up at me before he wheeled himself towards the exit.

"No, you won't!" I protested, pushing away from my link unit to follow him quickly. "At least now there's one single guy out there not staring transfixed at my ass, you will not ruin this for me!"

"Hey, what?" Norm kept looking between me and Jake while we made our way towards the cafeteria, leaving Grace and Max behind in the link room.

"Never mind," I tried to end the conversation there, but of course now Jake wouldn't shut up.

"Haven't you heard it yet? Our dear Ange here is about to be nominated for Pandora Pin Up Girl of the Month!"

Norm's eyes widened, and he actually gave me a once-over that made me blush furiously.

"So that's what's the whole whispering has been about?"

Jake chuckled in affirmation, ignoring my glare.

"Seems like Ange's quickly becoming friends with the Na'vi while you spend your days dozing in the jungle."

"Hey, that was just once, and Max and I had to catch up on the football scores so I didn't go in for another hour!"

My snort got them both focusing on me, and I narrowed my eyes at Jake.

"No wonder Neytiri's calling you a child when she doesn't call you a moron, you're behaving just like one!"

A frown appeared on his forehead then, and after a moment he halted the wheel chair and brought it around to face me where I had stopped in my tracks, confused about his reaction.

"I don't recall ever telling you that."

My mouth was already open in my attempt to remind him of our late night chit-chat in the backyard of the Avatar Compound, when I realized my slip. Of course he hadn't told _me_ but _Delilah_ instead, only that our relaxed chatting had blown right through my defenses.

In an attempt to downplay my misstep I shrugged, but my laugh sounded traitorously fake.

"No, you probably didn't, but I must have overheard you telling someone else, right? I mean how else would I know?"

"Probably," he replied, but both the look he shot me and his tone told me plainly that he didn't believe that one bit. A lump was quickly forming in my throat, and I did my best to change the subject before Norm could catch up to my slip, too.

"It's probably one of those female intuition things. You know, like us all being evil? Women just have a hive mind! Just like men of whatever species have a tendency to laugh at butt jokes."

After a tense moment he nodded, and resumed pumping his chair towards the cafeteria.

"You have to admit, next to Grace and Neytiri you _do_ look like a sex bomb!"

I probably deserved that, but I was too happy that he resumed our previous banter that I didn't really mind.

"We can't all be like tall and lean! But it's baffling that I really had to go light years from home only to be judged by my looks once again!"

"Well, socio-anthropologically speaking you're much closer to the ideal that represents fertility, so you should be honored if that also applies to your avatar and how the Na'vi react to you," Norm supplied.

"You're not really helping my cause here, you know?" I teased him, then got in line at the dinner queue. "But pray tell why that doesn't really make me popular here on the base?"

"Uhm," Norm tried, unsuccessfully, to find a nice answer, but Jake beat him to it, once again grinning mischieviously.

"Because you have a certain fame, Ange. Guys usually don't hit on the girls who'll bite their heads off without a moment's notice."

"And why doesn't _that_ translate between us and the Na'vi?"

His grin became more cocky then.

"I guess if you're used to riding banshees and jump off trees that are a hundred meters high, you kinda have the guts to get in your face, too."

I sighed theatrically but left it at that. We all got our food, some nondescript protein and fiber gruel that looked bad and tasted worse, before we sat down at one of the unoccupied tables. The other avatar drivers and scientists had already eaten so it was just the three of us, and neither Jake nor Norm seemed any more happy about the food they pushed around on their plates.

"Ah, this stuff sucks!" Norm suddenly exclaimed, glaring at his plate. "Remind me again why we can't eat the things our avatars chomp down?"

"Because they're full of at least twenty-seven toxins that would kill us puny little humans?" I helpfully supplied, before I put my own fork down. "But one of these days I'll say to hell with this and eat one of those anyway."

Jake sighed and nodded his agreement.

"Wait until you get to eat some _teylu_. They're really quite tasty, slightly sweet."

I made a face while Norm cleared his throat, looking a little green.

"Uhm, you know that those are insect larvae?"

"I know that now," Jake snorted, and bravely ate another mouthful of gruel. "They're still delicious. And quite frankly, nothing's worse than this disgusting stuff here."

We all agreed on that and resumed eating, although thinking of maggots definitely didn't improve the experience.

I left Jake and Norm to their ensuing discussion of football soon after I was done eating, and retired to my room. I was definitely weary enough so that my staged yawn could have been real, but my previous slip just made me too uncomfortable to stay up with them much longer. I had let my guard down too much, and while I enjoyed their company, I knew I couldn't let that happen again. Deanne would have my ass if she ever found out, and I didn't need another one of her 'pep talks' about what would happen if I jeopardized her mission.

Only when I was drifting off, trying to come up with some snarky lines to keep my Na'vi stalker at bay, did I realize that for the first time since I came to Pandora, I really didn't give a damn anymore whether my work for the ILF and against the RDA would matter, or not.

_Guess I've found a new thing to focus on._


	10. Chapter 9: Friends

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.  
**

**

* * *

Chapter 9: Friends**

The next day started early, and with a lot of confusion. I was a little surprised when I didn't find Trudy ready for our now regular morning workout, but figured she might have been tinkering on her Samson instead. At breakfast Deanne hunted me down and I had to play along, pretending to order her around while she made me give her an update on my progress. Which wasn't much, but she seemed oddly pleased just by the fact that I didn't fall flat on my face every ten minutes anymore.

I expected to find either Norm or Grace in the link room, but they weren't there, and none of the units was in use, either. A quick look back into the lab revealed that Grace's work station was missing several folders, and when I asked Max, he confirmed my suspicion.

"Grace moved the team up to site 26 in the mountains, they left two hours ago already. She told me that she had already arranged for one of the other Samsons to bring your avatar in as Trudy's still out and helping them set up."

I had to admit, I was a little hurt that I wasn't 'part of the team', but suddenly Grace's questions from the day before made more sense. I knew well enough that the link units at the mobile sites were a lot less stable than those here, and she was probably right to leave me behind where my meager focus wasn't even more messed up by technology failing.

Max seemed to read my reaction pretty well even though I tried to hide it, and he leaned closer as he went on.

"It's nothing against you, and they only have three units up there anyway. But she's concerned that Jake's hanging out too much with Colonel Quaritch, and we can't make it any easier for them to screw up our projects than it is already."

I blinked, a little surprised at his words.

"What do you mean?"

Max's face fell a little, and he sighed before he went on.

"You don't know?"

"Clearly I don't."

He was about to explain, but then one of the lab assistants entered the link room and Max looked away instead.

"You know how Grace is, she doesn't want anyone messing with her stuff. She and Selfridge haven't seen eye to eye since Jake came to us, and I think she's tired of him gloating at her because now our marine's getting in results left and right that we all could only dream of obtaining."

I could tell that this was not the answer he wanted to give, but it was plausible enough - and knowing Grace, probably part of the problem, anyway. I nodded and took it in stride, then gestured at my usual link unit.

"I'm ready to go in, if you are?"

Max nodded, then smiled.

"First day out in the wild on your own, eh?"

"Well, not quite," I grumbled, more scenarios of getting mocked in my head. "We'll see how it goes."

Climbing in, I stretched out on the soft gel pads, then closed the upper clamshell and relaxed as I closed my eyes. Seconds later I was connecting to my avatar, and this time it felt sort of welcoming. Getting up I took a quick look around, and when I saw no one else awake I changed into fresh clothes for the day.

An unfamiliar helicopter was already waiting for me at the flight line, both the pilot and the two door gunners looking less than thrilled about having to give me a lift. I quickly slid into my seat and kept silent for the whole ride, watching the lush Pandoran forests fly by.

They left me barely enough time to get out before the Samson took off again, and belatedly I wondered if they would come to pick me up in the evening. Considering the value of each avatar I was sure someone would notice if mine went missing along the way, but I didn't dwell on it.

Turning towards the trek leading to our camp I shouldered my pack, when something rustled in the trees behind me. Suddenly aware that I was literally _alone, without a weapon_ out here I hugged myself, scanning the tree line. A second later I saw one of the deer-like hexapedes walk into the clearing, intent on grazing and clearly oblivious of my presence.

Exhaling in relief I smiled at the animal, then started walking - only to run smack into something before I had yet turned my head fully.

I let out a partly indignant, partly scared shriek before I registered the warm skin under my fingers, and looked up into a familiar set of yellow eyes, belong to my friendly neighborhood Na'vi stalker.

"What the -" I started, then breathed in deeply in an attempt to tune my voice down from high to its normal pitch. "You just scared the living shit out of me, idiot!"

Only then did I realize that I had still spoked on English, but my relief that he might not have understood was only of very short duration. Mar'kay grinned and leaned down, only to utter a succinct "Boo!" right as he reached out to grab me. I instinctively cried out and stepped back, in turn alerting the hexapede behind me, and once more shrieked when it crashed into the bushes with a loud bleat.

The ringing sound of laughter made me forget about the animal, and I turned back to the hunched over Na'vi hunter before me.

_'Stop it, you moron! That could have been a thanator, too!'_

I was actually surprised when he shut up, but the grin on his face was bad enough in its own way.

_'Not this close to the village, don't worry. I'll keep you save.'_ His grin widened, and he added, _'Grace made me promise to keep an eye on you'_ - and of course he was staring right at my cleavage as he said that.

I felt my cheeks heat up but did my best to rally what was left of my already bruised ego, and instead of answering I started walking towards the camp. The fact that I added a slight sway to my hips could have been pure coincidence.

Laughter followed me until I had to stop goofing around and concentrate on where I was going, and within moments he had caught up with me again. It was distressing how much noise I made compared to him, twigs snapping and leaves rustling loudly as I blundered through them. His still present grin told me that he was also aware of that, and not even the leaf I bent back and let go to slap him in the face change anything about that. Probably because he was fast enough to duck, and I stumbled over a root in my badly concealed anger at his agility.

I expected him to disappear into the trees again once we reached the camp but he stayed right behind me, following me over to the tent.

_'So you're my babysitter for the day?'_

He nodded, way too gleeful for my likings, but remaining silent. When it became apparent that he wouldn't answer further I turned back to open the tent flap, then went inside to grab my gear. I felt oddly exposed as I crouched on the floor, going through the boxes to get my analyzer kit and notepad, but when I looked back up at Mar'kay, he was studying the tree line instead of my ass. For whatever reason that annoyed me, until I realized what I was thinking and chided myself for being just as childish as I had accused him.

After turning on the com and work station I made sure I had synced the scanner yesterday, and starting a new log I stepped out of the tent and went over to the ferns I had been studying for days now, followed by my ten feet tall, blue shadow. I figured he would get bored soon enough, but he surprised me by hunkering down next to me and watching intently what I was doing.

I debated for a moment what to do, but I was rather tired of spending my days in complete silence. Turning the display of my scanner so he could see, I injected a small volume of labeled marker into one of the fleshy roots of the fern, then traced its rapid progress from there to the root of the tree next to us on the scanner display.

_'See, it's as if they were talking to each other, the information travels from this root here over to the tree.'_

He smiled and I figured he was just being polite in the face of my stupid babbling, but then he shrugged.

_'Of course they talk to each other. They are connected, like we are connected, through Eywa.'_

Eywa, of course, being the all encompassing Goddess the Na'vi believed in. I didn't really know what to reply to that, considering I didn't want to piss him off with anything condescending I could have said about his deity, but he seemed to understand nevertheless. His smile turned into a grin and he got up, walking over to the root.

_'I'll show you. Do it again.'_

A little perplexed I got the marker ready, only that the moment the needle picked the fern he stomped down hard on the tree root this time. The root was so solid that I didn't even feel the impact, but my display lit up as halfway along its way the marker suddenly started running backwards, right from the tree into the fern. I was so surprised I nearly dropped the scanner, much to the Na'vi's amusement.

_'Told you they talk! It's not only me laughing over the face you're making right now, it's the whole forest!'_

That remark rid him of all brownie points he had previously gained, and I narrowed my eyes as I glared up at him. Then the curious part of me won out over my ego, and I nodded at him.

_'Can you do that again?'_

He chuckled and stomped his foot onto the root once more.

_'Keeping an eye on you is fun. Normally only the small children get to stand around and do things like that.'_

_'Then you'll be happy crawling in the mud with me, too, right?'_

His grin turned into a playful leer for a moment until I took up a handful of rotting leaves and threw them at him, for once hitting him right on his well defined abs. He grunted and faked hunching over in pain. I laughed and looked away, a grave mistake I found out a second later as wet leaves hit the back of my shirt right between my shoulder blades.

Sneering loudly, I got to my feet, only to find Mar'kay grinning without any sign of deceit in his eyes.

_'See, it's like with the root and your fancy colors. Action, reaction. I smack you, you get in my face. Eywa is in all of us, even you freaky dreamwalkers.'_

I was stunned how accurate his example was, which cooled down my vexation some.

_'Want to help me find out more about it? You know how we Sky People are, we need to see things our way to really See them.'_

He looked ready to shake his head, but then a cunning look came to his face.

_'I will help you, but only under one condition.'_

'Which is?'

'You let me show you how things really are, my way. I know many Na'vi think you Sky People are not able to learn, but you're different. Not as gullible as Jakesully, but there is still hope for you.'

His grin showed a little too much of his feral canines, but his proposition was too good not to take him up on it. I told myself that Grace would jump at such a chance, but I knew that the real Angela Clay would rather have run from it. Then again I was already very close to shamelessly flirting around miles out of character, a little more wouldn't hurt. At least I hoped so.

_'Okay. Deal. But you better not get me killed or Grace will have my ass.'_

He snickered, then held out his hand to me in an oddly human gesture.

_'Don't worry, I'll keep you in one once piece, dreamwalker.'_

I took his hand, feeling the three long fingers wrap around mine while his thumb briefly brushed over my pinkie. He grinned down at our joined hands, then turned them so that mine was on top.

_'Freak.'_

I chuckled while he drew me to my feet.

_'Why do you keep calling me that?'_

'Because it's true,' he grunted, nudging my pinkie again. _'Wrong number of fingers. Eyes too small. Your face is not quite right, and you move as if you have to fight for every step. You don't even try to act like one of us, so you're a freak.'_

I didn't really know what to answer him, and felt even more at a loss when he let go of my hand, leaving my finger tips still tingling where his warm skin had touched them.

_'I'm sorry if that offends you,'_ I offered, unsure of what else to say.

Mar'kay's eyes narrowed and he cocked his head.

_'Don't be, you did nothing to insult me. You're not like most of the others. But you're still a freak.'_

Seeing as there was no point in arguing, I let it slide.

_'So how are you going to show me?'_

He grinned.

_'I'm going to take you with me. Show you Hometree. Show you how we live. Show you how we see Eywa. You can take your things with you but you won't need them. When I'm done, you will _know_, you won't have to see it through someone else's eyes. But first I need to know your name.'_

'You seem comfortable enough with the one you gave me already.'

He smirked, then inclined his head.

_'I can keep calling you that if you want, but I think not all of the women of the Omaticaya will look favorably on me if I do so. What do your people call you?'_

'Angela Caulfield. But my friends call me Ange.'

Mar'kay's smirk remained on his face, but his eyes suddenly hardened.

_'Liar.'_

I was too perplexed to react for a moment, pretty much confirming his accusation. When I finally found my voice again I knew the damage was done, but did my best to limit it.

_'Why do you say that I'm lying? I'm sure you must have heard Norm and Grace call me that, and Jake probably, too.'_

'Yes, I heard, but it is not your name. It is not you,' he extended his hand towards me and placed it over my heart, only the graveness of his voice keeping me from shying away. _'Here.'_

For a moment I still clung to the hope that he was teasing me, but he looked way too serious for that. Hanging my head, and avoiding his gaze that way, I finally sighed.

_'No, it's not the name I was born with. But it's what everyone calls me now. It's what you should call me.'_

'Why?'

I looked back up, trying in vain to come up how to explain 'white little lie' to someone whose literal expression for liar was 'not what is real'. There was no way I could tell him the truth, and I had the strong suspicion that if I kept on lying, he would sooner or later withdraw his previous offer. For whatever reason, I couldn't let that happen.

_'It's complicated,'_ I started, but the way his lips compressed told me that he wouldn't just go for that. Sighing again, I stepped away, feeling oddly cold at the loss of contact even though he had been touching me over my shirt.

_'I know it's wrong, but we do that sometimes, telling things that are not quite the truth. That doesn't mean we disrespect the people we lie to, or want them any harm.'_ I had to stop there because now I was feeling like a real hypocrite. Mar'kay waited patiently, his gaze still resting on me gravely.

_'I ... I'm not who I told them. I had to lie. Others made me do it. I'm not happy I have to, but I cannot change it. Don't tell the others. Please. It's just a name.'_

He considered my words and I didn't like the wary look in his eyes, but after a few seconds he nodded.

_'If you tell me your real name, I will keep it secret. If you stop lying to me.'_

I hadn't felt that much of a fraud since I had joined the RDA, not even the whole scam with my little terrorist cell had ever made me feel so insecure. And I couldn't say why, but I trusted him. Trust didn't ever come easy to me, but I just knew that he wouldn't rat me out. He had no reason to help me, no obligation to keep my secrets, but all of a sudden I wanted to explain everything to him. At least if something happened to me, _someone_ would know who I was.

_'Dee. My name is Dee, that's what my friends call me. It's short for Delilah.'_

He cocked his head, scrutinizing me, then smiled again.

_'De'lila. I like that. I should call you that, but I will keep my promise.'_

It was weird to hear him pronounce my name with the typical Na'vi intonation, and it oddly saddened me that I couldn't let him call me like that.

_'Thank you. I know it must be strange for you, but thank you.'_

_'It shows me I am even more right to call you a freak. Na'vi would never do that. We earn our names, are proud of them. We do not lie, as before Eywa there are no lies.'_ He stopped for a moment, clearly hesitating before he went on. _'You would be much happier to live like that, too.'_

His words saddened me, but only a little.

_'I am already living my dream. But this,'_ I nodded at the analyzer, _'this is my world. My life. But I'd be happy to share it with you, to show you, if you show me your world, too.'_

Another nod, this one curt.

_'Agreed. We will start with yours, because you will no longer want it once you've seen mine. What do you need me to do?'_

I looked around us at the clearing of the camp, then shrugged.

_'I want to know more about the talking between the trees. How everything here interacts. This is what Grace wants me to find out about.'_

'And what do you_ want to find out?'_

I grinned, my earlier grim mood slowly lifting.

_'I want to see Hometree. Not today, but while I'm here. I've dreamed of it since I can remember.'_

That statement seemed to surprise him, but he didn't ask, instead nodded at my analyzer.

_'Take your things with you. There are better places to show you than here. These trees are lonely, this is not natural grass land. Come.'_

I quickly shut down the work station and changed my scanner for the portable kit, then followed Mar'kay deeper into the trees. He didn't walk on any path but seemed to trek randomly through the dense vegetation, having to wait for me to catch up with him whenever I had to climb a root or go around a rock. I could tell my clumsiness annoyed him, but I figured clumsy and slow was still better than me losing connection and keeling over asleep. With my luck he would lug me up some tree while I was out cold and leave me there to find my own way down.

A while later I felt like I had jinxed myself thinking of that, as Mar'kay made me climb one of the horizontally growing tree trunks. It was several feet wide on top, but I was still convinced I would just fall down and break my neck or something. His snickering behind me didn't help much, but after a few wobbly steps I gave up and just crawled along the trunk, trying hard not to think of how that must make my ass look. Not that I cared, but I was happy enough that he had stopped calling me by that nickname, I didn't need to shove more incentive to use it again in his face.

_'You can stop there. Do your fancy color thing here, it should give you something to look at.'_

I was insanely grateful when he told me that I could just sit down and unpack my gear, although the tree trunk was barely five meters off the ground. I was pretty sure I would survive the fall, but I had never been good with heights, and apparently that translated all too well through my avatar.

The moment the first readings came through, I forgot all about my predicament. My display was alive with color, picking up signals even before I could inject the marker. I had analyzed animals before but only very few had given me results this vivid - and I was only sitting on a gigantic tree trunk that didn't feel live at all.

I spent the next hours mostly with gawking at my display as we moved from tree to tree, sometimes higher up, sometimes under the massive root systems some of them had developed over the years. I felt like a child at Christmas, and while I figured my mostly silent companion must have been bored out of his mind, whenever I looked at him he seemed only bemused by my reactions.

Totally forgetting about the passage of time, I was surprised when Mar'kay finally nudged me away from my work and started walking back on the ground.

_'Where are we going?'_

'Back to your camp. It's getting dark, you always leave at dusk.'

I was momentarily perplexed, and the look on my face must have been peculiar as he started to laugh when he saw it.

_'You didn't realize until now that it's evening?'_

'I really didn't. Also it's so dark under the trees, the light doesn't really change.'

His eyes narrowed, and before I knew what was happening he was standing behind me, grabbing my arms and drawing them upwards at my sides. I tried to fight him when one of his hands pressed onto my lower abdomen while the other was at my back, but his words made me go still.

_'Breathe. Deeply. Smell the air, taste it on your tongue. In the morning it's full of dew, but now it's heavy with the scent of flowers. At night it changes again. Just breathe.'_

Trying to fight my reflex to pull away I did my best to relax, and once my pulse slowed down a bit I closed my eyes and forced myself to take a few deep breaths. I felt his hand press a little harder against my diaphragm and I made myself inhale deeper, then hold the air in my lungs before exhaling slowly. Only then did I realize that I hadn't done this at all since I had first left the base in my avatar.

It took me a few minutes, but then I could actually smell what he had said about the flowers. But even more, I could smell _life_ around me.

It was strange how different the aromas I caught were compared to the Avatar Compound in Hell's Gate. The air was so much cleaner, but also laden with so many distinct notes and hints that it made my head spin, but in a good way. I vaguely noticed that Mar'kay stepped away from me and withdrew his hands, but my mind was too occupied with sampling the air and dividing the different components to mind much.

_'See? That's something your color things cannot show you. But you can feel it, if you just want to. Tomorrow I'll show you more.'_

I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay here, like this, and wait what the night would bring. Sadly, I couldn't do that. Yet.

Reluctantly opening my eyes I nodded, then we resumed our way back to the camp.

Grace was already waiting for us, looking a little harassed, and belatedly I realized that I should probably have left a note or taken one of the throat mikes with me so she could have called me. I only stopped on my way over to her to thank Mar'kay and wish him a good night, but he was already gone, not even the rustle of leaves or the feeling of being watched remaining.

When she saw my scanner readings Grace got distracted from telling me off, and fifteen minutes later she sent me over to the Samson landing site, alone. Walking through the darkening woods was slightly scary, but spending the day mostly off the ground had done wonders for my balance, and I made good progress. Just before I entered the clearing I stopped again and looked around, somehow hoping to catch a last glimpse of my babysitter, but the forest was just dark and silent, even most animals scared away by the steady beat of the rotors of the helicopter.


	11. Chapter 10: Hometree

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

**A few words in Na'vi:  
_Kelutral_ - Hometree (the place where the Omaticaya clan lives)  
_Toruk_ - Great Leonopteryx (Pandora's largest aerial hunter)  
_Ikran_ - Mountain Banshee (winged creatures the Na'vi hunters domesticate to fly on them. Their wingspan is about 13 meters)  
****_skxawng_ - moron  
_olo'eyktan_ - Clan Leader  
_tsahik_ - Clan Matriarch - like a shaman.  
dreamwalker - Na'vi expression for the avatars**  
**

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Chapter 10: Hometree**

The days flew by in an endless whir of colors and sensations and sounds. With every passing day I wanted to get up sooner, go to bed later, and before long everything I did in my human form became tedious. The only comfort was the knowledge that even when I got up from the link chair, it would be just eight hours, most spent sleeping, until I was out there again.

It also helped when one night while Grace and I were discussing our results over the com link, Jake let off a veritable rant on this video log, loud enough for Grace's mike to pick up most of it. Her amusement was definitely worth it, but I didn't miss the worry lines forming in the corners of her eyes. I didn't know how to interpret them, but just the fact that I was not the only one who felt a lot more comfortable in the forests of Pandora than out of the link units was making every night pass faster.

Mar'kay's help soon proved to be invaluable, although I was convinced that he was just delighted in making me squirm. Even after a month I couldn't exactly say when he was teasing or when he was really out to get me. Most of the time he was patient, both when I spent hours hunched over my analyzer or when I bugged him with questions, but at times he became irrate to the point where I was afraid he'd get violent. Not in the sense that he would hurt me, but I soon learned that some things were touchy subjects to him, and sometimes the Na'vi in general, that either no one had realized before, or Grace just let me find out for myself.

Although I should probably have known better than to try to explain why the typical rookie avatar driver wise crack of 'don't play with that, it will make you go blind' in respect to the Na'vi queue was funny to us. He didn't talk to me for two days after that, and left me to stew in the camp. I got so bored that I even fixed our always buggy mass spectrometer, including two three-hundred samples test runs.

The next day he was once again waiting for me at the edge of the camp, chatting with Norm. I smiled brightly when I recognized the hulking form next to the more gangly avatar, and when he heard me approach, Mar'kay answered it with a grin of his own.

_'Tired of sulking around?'_

The corner of his mouth twitched at my probably not so well phrased taunt, but his grin never wavered.

_'Must be, because I'm once again committing myself to spending the day with you. Only now you will follow me, instead of I you.'_

His declaration surprised me, but then it had been a month where we had done things my way, I figured it was time to pay up.

_'What are we going to do?'_

'You want to see Hometree? I'll show you. But leave your things, and that', he pointed at my feet, _'here, you won't need that today.'_

I wondered if he wanted to tease me about the shoes, but then ditched them. His directions were usually good, and he must have had his reasons. Norm looked after us as we left the camp, and I couldn't say if it was envy or a bout of schadenfreude that made his eyes glint. I was leaning towards the latter as Mar'kay had probably told him what he was up to, and suddenly my joy of being away from the camp again dimmed.

We had to stop several times on the way over to the Omaticaya village as I stepped on something that unnerved or hurt me, and by the third time Mar'kay was once again laughing at me.

_'Stop it! It's not funny to laugh at someone who steps into some brambles!'_

He pointedly looked at the small thorny twig that I picked from my foot, then grinned at my face again.

_'How do you even feel that? It's only so small.'_

'It hurt my foot! Here, see, the thorns even pierced my skin!'

He scrutinized my sole, and I had to admit it was hard to make out the dingle droplet of blood forming where the thorns had nicked me. His chuckle made me frown at him, and Mar'kay pointedly stared at my little toe.

_'Freak.'_

'Could you stop that! I have five fingers, of course I have five toes, too! Stop making such a big thing of that!'

Of course he only grinned brighter as he had gotten a rise out of me.

_'You only wear those weird things on your feet because you want to hide them. They are useless and make you fall down from the trees.'_

I did my best not to glare, then gingerly resumed walking.

_'No, we don't hide anything, and they are very useful. You don't hurt yourself when you step onto stones and thorns!'_

'Why not simply not step on them then?' he teased. _'And you hide yourself all the time, it makes you sweat and stink.'_ He pointedly plucked on the sleeve of my shirt.

I narrowed my eyes at him, feeling my tail swish agitatedly against my legs.

_'I'm not hiding! We just don't run around naked like flea bitten savages!'_

As usual, he ignored my jibe and instead went on chuckling, murmuring _'freak'_ at least twice under his breath. I tried to come up with a better reply or insult, but then the canopy of the trees around us parted and my mind went literally blank with awe.

Of course I had known that the tree the Omaticaya clan lived in was huge. Gigantic. I had seen diagrams and vids, I knew the numbers, could even recite them in detail. But that still didn't prepare me for how the center of all my dreams for most of my life really looked.

Its massive basis took in a larger area than a football field, and the trunk must have been well above three hundred meters high. The thick roots built a natural hall of columns through which I could just see the center of the tree, with the Na'vi going about their daily life all around their home.

But those were just details that my science oriented brain registered, and promptly filed away. What made me gasp was the sheer _size_ of it, and the way it was so full of life. The previous weeks had helped make the surrounding forest seem natural to me, but seeing Hometree was a wholly new dimension of it. Yet for some reason it didn't make me feel small and insignificant like the huge concrete towers on Earth did - it was more as if I were somehow part of it already, although I had barely stepped close enough to touch any of the roots.

I had no idea how long I had been standing there, gawking at the massive tree before me, when warm fingers nudged my chin softly. I turned my head as I snapped my mouth shut, finding Mar'kay grinning at me.

_'Take care, unless you want some wasps to fly into your mouth.'_

I narrowed my eyes at him but I was way too flabbergasted to pick a fight now, and I could tell that he was just teasing me out of my shocked silence. He chuckles when I immediately turned back to keep on scanning the village before us, but now with my lips pressed together.

One after another other details registered, like the lines spanned between the roots where leaves and animal hides were hung up for drying. Even when I took a few tentative steps into the natural clearing the immense size of the branches above had created on the ground, no one seemed to mind me. I figured that with Grace, Norm, and Jake around I was probably not that much of a novelty.

Mar'kay easily caught up with me, still amused at the face I was probably making. Right then I really didn't care. When I didn't go any closer he finally snatched my hand up and drew me along towards the entrance to the inner row of root columns, but he let go again when I softly withdrew my hand. I couldn't say why, but years spent in isolation made me still uneasy to maintain any physical contact, although I was pretty sure he didn't mean it in a way the same gesture would have been between humans. The Na'vi definitely had a more physical way of interacting with each other, and normally he honored my reluctance. I really must have been gawking for a longer time than I had realized to bore him into action.

We slowly walked deeper into the tree, and I stopped a few times to stare at everything. I was a little surprised that I was less interested in the structural integrity of Hometree, but more in how everything looked so _grown_ instead of made, even the decorations and additional structures the Na'vi had added. Everywhere there was life in hues of green and blue, and inside the darkness of the root cavern the bioluminescent markings typical to almost everything alive on Pandora came to live, drawing me even closer with their bright light.

A little more tugging on my sleeve and I finally let him lead me into the center of the hall, stepping around a few camp fires and work stations, up the the spiral core structure, with the hulking skeleton of a Great Leonopteryx in front of it. That was one part of Pandora's fauna that I didn't really wish to see up close, ever, but I could see why the Na'vi held it in nearly divine awe. I was still surprised how different their views were in that respect. We humans would have bedeviled the hunter that made us its prey and feared it. The Na'vi of course tried to avoid being made lunch just the same, but they were so in tune with their surrounding nature that, albeit a personal tragedy, they didn't see a sudden death by _toruk_, as they called the huge aerial predator, as a cause to hate the animal. As Mar'kay had explained to me, they viewed their life as a gift from Eywa, granted for a while, but eventually it had to be given back as they would return to their Goddess again. And standing here inside this towering tree their belief sounded less like pagan rambles but a lot more palpable.

"_Kelutral_ is quite something to behold, right?"

I turned around to Grace, walking up to us with her eyes scanning the dome above us before they settled on me. I was still awed by Hometree itself, but the serene smile she had on her face was something rather unfamiliar to behold. Even when she wasn't out to bite someone, she usually had that slightly bitter tint to herself, a woman hardened by her experience. But here, she was walking with a light swing to her step and a smile turning her avatar's face from stern to beautiful, the smile no longer looking out of place.

Compared to her, I must have been grinning like an idiot, and just like one I so didn't care at the moment.

"It's just ... awesome!"

Mar'kay on my other side cocked one brow but didn't comment, and I wondered if it must have seemed weird to him by now to hear me speak in English. I still hadn't found out just how well he spoke my language, but at least my Na'vi had improved greatly over the last weeks.

"Oh, it is. Wait until you've seen the view from higher up."

She then scrutinized my get-up, the light frown probably directed at the absence of any equipment.

"Decided it's too warm for wearing shoes now, too?"

I felt a little chided by her tone, but even in my shorts and with my shirt knotted at the waist I was still wearing more than she in equal shorts and a tank top. Unless one counted socks and shoes, too, that was.

"Mar'kay said I don't need them, so I left them at the camp."

She snorted, and I could see the Na'vi's lips curl into a stealthy smile, too.

"And when he'd say you don't need your other clothes, either?"

"Then I'd take something heavy and hit him on the head repeatedly. I'm not that gullible, Grace."

Her eye roll spoke another language, but I ignored that.

"So how is your research coming? We have a science staff meeting tomorrow morning, it would be good if you could bring us all up to date on your last results."

Way to ruin my good mood. For some reason I suspected that had been part of her intention, but before I could protest - not that I would have - Grace nodded to both of us and went back to the horde of children waiting for her near one of the entryways.

_'What's the matter? You just lost your smile.'_

I shrugged, a little uncomfortable that Mar'kay had caught onto this, and not quite sure how I should explain the drop in my mood.

_'Grace wants me to talk to the others tomorrow morning. Tell them what I have learned so far. Show them the pretty colors.'_

He frowned for a moment.

_'You spent so much time with that, you will just show them and it will be good. Right?'_

I wished I had his confidence. It was true, I had a lot of scans that exceeded what we had previously known, but most of them I had already shown at the last meeting. Maybe it was just my paranoia, but this sounded like a chance to prove that I spent way too much time staring at leaves than actually working. The real Angela Caulfield would have had two whole papers written up already, while I had just a few pages of notes, half of them covered with doodles of plants and trees.

_'I hope so. I will find out tomorrow, I guess.'_

'You mean you need more? Different color things?'

Another shrug, and I nodded while I scratched my head.

_'Always. But I won't get any today, so I will have to work with those I have already.'_

He considered my words, then looked up towards one of the gaps in the roots as if to judge the time of day. Mar'kay looked ready to say more, but just then calls and the loud snorts of animals drew closer, and a few moments later a party of warriors on their six-legged direhorses came riding in. I didn't know whether to greet them or not, seeing as almost all other Na'vi didn't mind my presence either way, but as their leader only spoke to Mar'kay, I figured I should just remain the silent observer.

Their quick exchange made me realize just how sketchy my grasp on their language was, and how much effort Mar'kay put into talking slowly so I would understand. I still caught enough bits and pieces to understand that the warrior was complaining about my presence here, saying something along the lines of _'the Sky People now building a colony here'_, among other things I didn't need to understand to know them for obscenities.

Throughout the entire conversation Mar'kay seemed calm and composed, but towards the end his answers became short and clipped, and he didn't look too friendly when the party finally rode off the way they had come. I had missed too much to judge how he thought of the matter of me being here, but I felt suddenly like an intruder, unwelcome, and also a bit guilty for occupying so much of his time day in and day out.

_'I'm sorry if me being here offends the people. That's what this was about, right?'_

His head whipped around and for a moment he looked rather annoyed, but then his features softened and he smiled, even if it was a slightly forced gesture.

_'Never mind Tsu'tey. No one is offended, and he is taking his wounded pride out on everyone talking to you dreamwalkers of late.'  
_  
I turned my head around to see if I could catch a last glimpse at the departing riders, but they had already disappeared into the underbrush. Of course I knew the name - and should probably have spent more time with Grace's briefing material to remember the faces of the important people of the clan - but I was still surprised to have more or less met the future clan leader of the Omaticaya this way. Jake's stories of his run-ins with the young warrior had entertained us over quite a number of awful dinners.

_'I guess it's only normal that he as a defender of the Omaticaya doesn't want us here?'_

Mar'kay laughed, the sound loud enough to turn a few heads around us, and when he grinned down at me his eyes were sparkling with mirth.

_'It is not Tsu'tey the future _olo'eyktan _who is worried about his people. It is Tsu'tey the scorned man who is blindly lashing out at the people who belong to his rival's clan who is behaving like a _skxawng _all the time now.'_

I was surprised at his explanation, but it didn't come really out of the blue. Norm and I had just last week joked that Jake seemed awfully intent on spending as much time with his quest to become one of the Omaticaya to be only motivated by orders. Or maybe it had been the nearly lovesick look he had had on his face when I had last seen him chase after Neytiri when they had visited the camp again. Apparently we weren't the only ones wondering.

_'Do you think he has reason to feel scorned?'_

Mar'kay's grin turned wry.

_'No. In my view he never had a chance. Neytiri has always been strong willed, she will be a great Tsahik after Mo'at, but she never saw Tsu'tey as her equal, or as someone she would consider as a mate. He can't accept that, and his wounded ego lets him turn against you also. Ignore him. If he gets stupid, I will protect you.'_

He said the last part with a clearly joking tone, but there was a hint of gravity in his gaze for a moment that I couldn't quite interpret.

_'Do you think I need protection?'_ I replied, trying to lighten the mood again. A snort was all I got for an answer, and it sounded definitively affirmative. The spell broken, we resumed walking, but only got as far as the next group of Na'vi where I stopped again to stare transfixed at the loom they were working on. The patterns of the fabric they were weaving was beyond intricate, and I was stunned to see them create such beauty with relatively primitive means.

I didn't want to intrude so I stayed back from the group, but almost immediately one of the women working on the preparation of the threads yet to be added to the loom turned around and greeted us, her warm smile also including me. Mar'kay briefly introduced me and told her that he was showing me around, and I figured that would put an end to our stop, but the woman surprised me by extending her hand towards me.

_'Come, sit with us. If you want to know more about the Omaticaya, you need to know about weaving.'  
_  
She then launched into an explanation of what exactly they were doing, and how. Apparently the family gathered here was working on a new sleeping hammock for their youngest daughter and her mate and two children.

_'The whole family helps, and we invoke Eywa in the weaving. She protects us all, and the weave shows us that we are wrapped in her arms,' _she then went on, gesturing at the loom.

I briefly looked up to Mar'kay, and when he only shrugged I sat down next to the woman, studying the different materials she pointed out to me in turn. I figured I might as well listen to her and spend a few moments with something that wasn't exactly part of my cover identity, as Grace would have my ass tomorrow either way.

_'So the whole family sleeps in one hammock together?'_

She seemed a little surprised at my question, but before I could feel bad about my ignorance, she smiled and nodded.

_'Families share a hammock, as do mates. When children grow up, they get their own hammocks, but stay close to their relatives. It is a sign that someone is greatly distressed when they move farther away from family and friends.'_

While she said that she looked up at Mar'kay for a moment, the soft lines around her eyes deepening, but then she went on, her smile directed at me again, and I wasn't sure I hadn't just imagined that worried look from her.

_'It is tradition that the whole family is involved in weaving a new hammock, our love and prayers go into it. We sing songs in the preparation and during weaving, it connects us and those the hammock is for. You want to learn how to sing them?'_

I was seriously taken aback by her offer, even more after her explanation of the importance of the ritual surrounding the actual work.

_'But I'm not Omaticaya, not even Na'vi.'_

The elder woman's smile turned a little lopsided, as I was clearly stating the obvious, but then the young mother reached over to me, laying a hand warmly onto my forearm as she smiled encouragingly.

_'It is good. The more good thoughts, the better. One like him,'_ she nodded at Mar'kay, _'will never show you everything that makes us Omaticaya. Warriors are all about their weapons and themselves, they are bad teachers.'_

Some of the other women laughed, while the young mother's husband shared a rather pained look with Mar'kay. It seemed like such a human moment, and I was stunned how welcome I seemed to be to them.

Mar'kay cleared his throat, and when I turned back to him he grinned somewhat mischievous.

_'I could show you my hammock.'_

The urge at least roll my eyes at him, if not bite his head off, was strong, but I held back, momentarily unsure if I wasn't interpreting too much into his words. It had happened before that either of us had said something in jest that had ended up the wrong way with the other, but then the elder woman hissed out something that sounded very close to some of the profanities I had picked up along the way, followed by the young mother shaking her head in clear annoyance.

_'Men!'_ Leaning closer to me, she absentmindedly nodded at my now rather confused guide. _'Are your men like that, also?'_

It was hard not to chuckle then, and I kept it at a bright smile.

_'They are! It must be something typical for men. Everywhere.'_

The other women agreed laughing, leaving Mar'kay to glare at all of us.

_'I meant show you, so you could see a finished one, nothing else!'_

I tried to dampen my mirth, but seeing him slightly pissed off because of the misconception was just too funny. He didn't look too happy with me when I laughed, but it was the elder woman again who smoothed things over by lightly touching his wrist and smiling.

_'She knows. She is bright, you should not be fooled by her nice smile. Go do something useful and leave her with us so we can show her, we will take good care of her.'_

Mar'kay seemed ready to protest, but when I nodded to him that I was okay and actually thrilled by the suggestion, he finally conceded. Bowing his head, he stepped away, and after a last look at me sprinted away.

So it came that I spent the next hours with the weavers, learning their songs, and also helping with the preparations. Before long we were chatting and laughing, and after a while the two children joined their mother next to me. They were clearly fascinated by my fingers and toes, but the fact that my hair was just wrapped around my queue without any braids or adornments didn't sit well with them. Their mother was nearly scandalized when they started tugging at a few lose strands, but I quickly told her that I didn't mind. The girls jumped to the challenge when I offered that they could show me how to make my hair more beautiful. I must have done something right as they squealed with delight and went on to subject me to hours of combing and braiding, while the other women of the group smiled benignly at me.

I learned a few songs, quite a few new words, I got a first taste of real Na'vi food at midday, but most importantly I experienced something I really hadn't counted on - I was welcome. Grace had stressed in her notes aplenty that unlike us, the Na'vi weren't an overtly hostile people towards anything new or uncommon - they had only grown wary of us after the RDA had foregone diplomatic means with machine guns. And while it was one of the best days in my life, it also made me resent myself and my choices. Not only did I work for the corporation that didn't care at all about the culture and people on this moon, but I was also involved with the fanatics who outright wanted the Na'vi gone.

If I could have, I would have staid here and never gone back to the reality that grew more distant with each passing day anyway.

When Mar'kay finally returned mid-afternoon he found me in a melancholy mood, torn between the joys of just experiencing this day, and what was waiting for me when I had to wake up, both literally but also in the sense of recognizing my own reality. He seemed to catch on to it fast, as he didn't crack a joke after our greeting, but instead turned to the girls still intent on fussing with my hair.

_'You made her so pretty, I don't recognize Ahnshe anymore,'_ he started, then flashed me a quick grin. _'But do you allow me to steal her away from you? I want to show her Tanku.'_

I had no idea what he was talking about, but the girls clearly did as they let out some high-pitched squeals before they scurried off to join their mother again. Who taxed Mar'kay with a slight frown on her face, but when she saw me watching her, she smiled.

_'You need to see if you want to learn. Here, but also here.'_ She touched first my forehead, then my chest over my heart. _'It takes more than songs and weaving to show you who the Omaticaya are.'_

Her words were oddly cryptic considering that we had spent hours talking about everyday things, but when Mar'kay extended his hand towards me, I gladly let him draw me to my feet. He gave me a weird look then, and when I raised my brows he gestured at me.__

'You don't let people touch you, normally.'

I didn't know what he meant at first, but then he reached out and lightly brushed a strand of hair behind my suddenly twitching ear.

_'Maybe she only doesn't let you touch her,'_ the elder woman suggested sagely, followed by a brief exchange between them that was spoken too fast for me to really catch on. What I could tell was that whatever she said made the hunter's jaw stand out sharply as he gnashed his teeth, while the weaver seemed smug.

We left the group then, and I didn't know what to make of the rigid set of Mar'kay's shoulders as he led me across the common area and towards the spiral structure that led up towards the higher levels of Hometree.

_'What was that about? What did she say?'_

At first I thought that he wouldn't answer, but then he stopped and turned to me, watching my face gravely for a moment as if to see if I really didn't know or was leading him on. Then his eyes softened, and a wry grin replaced the grim look.

_'She warned me that I shouldn't be fooled by your soft words and beauty. She said that you have sharp wits, and that if I'm not careful, you will make me lose my head.'_

I stared at him for a moment, then blinked.

_'I don't understand.'_

His grin brightened.

_'Neither do I. But maybe it is a woman thing, saying cryptic things and confusing everyone.'_

Without waiting for a reply he went on climbing up the staircase like structure, only halting for a moment to shout a gleeful _'Come!'_ back at me. Not wanting to be left alone I sped up my step, trying to catch up with him but of course failing until he waited for me again.

Up and up we went, and just when I was starting to get concerned, the way led outside of the trunk and onto a huge branch, the flat surface several meters wide. Mar'kay beckoned me onward, then patiently waited as I stopped again - and stared.

I hadn't realized just how high we had moved up the tree, but for once I didn't even think what would happen if I fell. The view up here was simply breathtaking, the forest spreading just below us in all directions, revealing streams and hills amidst the green sea of life.

I tried to drink it all in, but way before I was ready to move on Mar'kay grasped my hand and tugged me away from the center of the trunk, and onto a more rickety spiral of branches leading outward into the crown of Hometree. I tried to protest, but he wouldn't listen, just grinned and steadied me when I lost my footing a few times.

A few minutes later we reached another one of the huge branches, where I extracted my hand from his and glared at him.

_'What are we doing here? Why are you bringing me up here? I'm afraid I will fall down!'_

His grin grew lopsided, but instead of answering he threw his head back and let out a sequence of high noises. Leaves above us rustled, and just as I wanted to ask again what this was about, a loud cry shrilled through the air, followed by the snap of wings - and a large yellow-cyan mountain banshee swooped down to land right in front of us. The aerial hunter - looking more like a bat than a bird with its huge four wings - let out another cry, before folding itself into a hunched position on the branch.

I let out a very undignified but even more frightened shriek, while Mar'kay grinned and amiably patted the creature in its neck, causing it to let out a nearly purring sound. Turning back to me, he grinned brightly with just a hint of teeth.

_'This is Tanku, my _ikran_. And we're going to fly with him now.'_

The only thing I was capable of was to stare at him, openmouthed, until I found my voice several seconds later.

"You got to be kidding me!"


	12. Chapter 11: Fly

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar. I should soon own a toy banshee!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Fly**

There were not many things that really scared me. I was good with spiders, insects, mice, snakes, tight spaces. Heck, I had experienced all of that, in any combination, in my work here on Pandora for the last three years too often to count. I wasn't even really afraid of suffocating, because I had become used to the constant threat that waited for me outside of the face shield of my exopack. I wasn't afraid of dying of some disease or other - modern medicine could either cure it, or I would be dead before I could give up on life. But one fear I had never conquered - my fear of heights. And right now that was whacking me in the face left and right.

Although, at the moment I couldn't say for sure what looked more threatening - the banshee or Mar'kay's grin.

_'Come,'_ he prompted, then signaled with his outstretched hand for me.

_'No!'_

He seemed to be fighting a laugh, but kept on smiling.

_'You have to get off the tree somehow. You can climb down, too, but flying is a lot more fun. And safer.'_

By then I had retreated backwards until I hit the trunk, the bark rough under my clenched fingers. At his nod towards the smaller branches we had traversed to get up here I craned my neck. He was right, they suddenly seemed very far apart, and while it had been easy enough to get up, my queasiness only got worse when I realized that I could easily slip and fall towards the ground between them. And while the rational part of my brain tried to tell me that it wasn't _me_ who would be falling to certain death but just my avatar, I couldn't even begin to contemplate taking that route.

Sadly, that didn't make the alternative look any less scary.

My hesitation seemed to slowly wear down Mar'kay's patience, because after another minute spent trying to talk me into moving towards him while I just crouched down on my branch and sank my nails into the bark, he sighed and turned to his mount.

_'As you want. I'm going to fly now, if you don't come with me, then you stay here.'_

Inside I was riling at the audacity of his words, but Mar'kay ignored my glare. He then reached over his shoulder and grabbed his queue and connected the end with the banshee's antenna, creating the neural bond between them that would let him control the animal with just his thoughts. I knew I should have been fascinated by seeing this happen in front of my eyes, but at the moment I didn't give a flying fuck about their weird bonding thing.

"You can't just drag me up here and then leave me!"

He turned back to me, cocking one eyebrow, but when I still didn't move he shrugged and with one fluent motion jumped onto the banshee's back, hunkering down between its forward shoulder blades. The banshee screeched as it stretched its wings, and seemingly without a prompt launched itself off the branch and into the air.

I instinctively leaned forward, watching as Mar'kay had his mount bank left after seeming to fall at least thirty meters down towards the ground, the majestic animal soaring away from the trunk and into the free air space away from Hometree.

Anger and indignation helped to clear my mind, and I was able to admire the banshee as it glided through the air currents with ease. With its two pairs of wings fully unfurled I could see its unique color scheme better - vibrant yellow along its head, spine, and the bony parts of its wings, while the membranes were tinted in hues of cyan and lilac, with mottled black tiger stripes running superimposed over its whole skin. It was a truly beautiful animal, and when it flew closer to a another banshee traversing the air close to the tree, I realized just how large it really was.

Mar'kay let his mount drop from my sight but I still heard the banshee shriek as they flew around the tree, only to return to me from the other side with a great show of wings beating as they touched down on my branch again. I was close to sneering at Mar'kay as he grinned down from where he was perching on some bone structure at the creature's torso, but when he leaned over its neck towards me I swallowed my angry rant. He _was_ my way off this damn tree after all, and common sense hadn't completely left me completely. Yet.

_'Come now?'_ he asked, no longer hiding his smirk as before.

I didn't hesitate any longer but got up from where I was crouching, ignoring the sense of vertigo trying to overwhelm me. The banshee's head immediately turned to me and it let out a low trill, intelligent eyes fixing me with interest. My first instinct was to shy away but I forced myself to stand my ground, while Mar'kay stroked the animal's neck, chuckling.

_'He likes you.'_

_'Looks more like he'd like to eat me!'_

_'_Ikran _don't eat people. Not even small ones like you. Come?'_

I wasn't so sure about the banshee's diet, but at least he hadn't snapped at me yet.

_'But can he carry us both? Aren't we too heavy for him?'_

Mar'kay snorted, extending his hand with seeming finality towards me, beckoning with his fingers.

_'We will find out soon!'_

When he saw me squinting up at him he laughed and slapped the banshee's back behind him.

_'Tanku is strong, he can carry two in easy flying. Now come or I will really leave you up here.'_

I believed him, on both counts, and gathering all my courage I stepped up to the animal, warily eyeing it as it followed my movement intently. Once I was close enough Mar'kay simply grabbed my hand and arm and hoisted me up behind him, causing me to let out something between a gasp and a shout that the banshee echoed enthusiastically. The moment he let go of me I shrunk against Mar'kay's back, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. He gently pushed at my legs until I was kneeling behind him, my face partly pressed into his shoulder. Right then I so didn't care if I was showing my weakness or not. Survival for once came before ego.

Then he let out a whooping cry that got the banshee to hurl itself off the branch again, and I screwed my eyes shut, holding onto the unnervingly chipper Na'vi hunter. If I hadn't been on the verge of a panic attack I might have realized that the way the air was rushing along the banshee's back, Mar'kay and I were both pressed onto the animal, making it improbable to just fall off, but my brain wasn't exactly working right now. I was scared shitless, and pretty much the only thing I could think of was that if I survived this, I would kick his scrawny blue ass until I broke my ankle or something.

_'Open your eyes, it is not the same if you don't see where we are going!'_

A slew of profanities came to my mind, but when I felt him move in an attempt to turn around I kept it to a few and held on tighter.

_'No!'_

_'Open your eyes or I'll tell Tanku to roll and dive hard!'_

As much as I was afraid of seeing what I was already feeling with my whole body, the thought of the banshee stopping its sailing glide got me opening my eyes wide this very second.

_'Don't!! I'm seeing, my eyes are open!'_

I felt his laughter rumbling through him more than I heard it, but before I could get annoyed at his obvious glee at my misery, I finally really _saw_ what we were flying over, and that stunned me enough to shut me up and even penetrate through the haze of my fear.

We had left the vicinity of Hometree, the green sea of the forest skimming away underneath us to give way to the wide river that led right past the Omaticaya village. The sun glinted off the cyan water, the sight even more stunning than the view from the branches we had just left behind. Everything was alive and full of color, and the warm wind skimming down my back made me relax further.

After a while I calmed down enough until I could loosen my deathgrip around Mar'kay's waist, but he reached up and squeezed my arm assuringly when I gasped as he made the banshee bank left and over the forest again, away from the river. The sudden contact made me overtly aware of his warm skin against my own, which was kind of ridiculous as I was more or less glued to him with the whole front of my body.

A few more minutes of idle gliding and the banshee suddenly changed course, flapping its wings as it went from gliding to hovering in the air before it gently touched down onto the ground. It took me a moment to recognize the familiar tree line of our camp's clearing, and in a bout of insanity I was sad that the terrifying but also exhilarating flight was already over.

Mar'kay gently pried my arms from around his body, and when I realized what he was doing I immediately let go of him, scooting back to bring some space between us. He turned around and grinned at me, now all traces of his previous taunting gone.

_'Get your pretty color thing and we'll take off for another round.'  
_  
I didn't understand what he meant at first, but when he slid from the banshee's back and then reached up and pulled me down my brain slowly ground into gears.

_'What for?'_

Still grinning, he turned to face me, then wrapped his fingers around where the banshee's antenna was still connected to his queue.

_'You study connections. You need more of your color things. I know you must want to see how _Tsahaylu_ works when you already get excited over trees and ferns. Grab your gear, I'll show you.'_

To say I was stunned at his offer was an understatement. Seeing my hesitation he grinned, his eyes sparkling.

_'Are you still this scared of flying, like a little girl?'_

I blinked, the anger slowly coming up in me definitely helping to wear down my reservation.

_'No, but your bond to your _ikran_ is something personal, I don't want to intrude.'_ Casting around for words, I gestured at the trees. _'This is different, trees are just plants, they are alive, yes, but not like you are.'_

I knew the Na'vi didn't see themselves as apart and special from nature, and I was sorely lacking the vocabulary to explain my hesitation. Mar'kay's grin only brightened as he shrugged it off, though.

_'You want to learn about Eywa. _Tsahaylu_ is our way of connecting to her. You do not See what I am speaking of until your pretty colors show it to you, that much I have learned about you. So let me show you, I don't mind.'_

Maybe it was just my knowledge of what else except the banshees the Na'vi connected to that made me feel like common decency dictated that I should protest, but this time the logical part of my brain won, fast. I knew this was a one time chance, I would likely never get an offer like this again, and neither would anyone else if things progressed as the RDA wanted to.

Having reached my decision, I nodded and then quickly ran inside the tent. In my haste to get the neural scanner I would need from one of the boxes I knocked over the table inside, spilling a jug of water over my shirt, drenching the whole left side of the already sweaty fabric. My rather emphatic swearing was answered by a few clucking sounds from the banshee outside, followed by Mar'kay's equally taunting laughter.

Grumbling under my breath I ditched the shirt, but couldn't find a clean, or even used, one in the cupboard we stored our personal things in. Glancing down at the black racerback sports bra I was wearing I figured I could forgo another layer of clothes anyway - even by non Na'vi standards I was still clothed, and I didn't really think any of them would rat me out for indecent exposure anyway, considering they made do with their loincloths only most of the time. There were also no straps that could slide down and end with me revealing more than I wanted, and I really didn't have the patience at the moment to lose another valuable second by worrying about my outfit.

Of course I got a curious look when I came back without my shirt, but I ignored that pointedly as I clipped the scanner onto my forearm and started sorting out the wireless electrodes. I hesitated once more as I stopped next to Mar'kay, but when he opened his mouth to probably go for another half-offensive wisecrack, I gently reached for his queue and attached the sensor, then did the same to the banshee's antenna a short distance from the connection point. Mar'kay watched me closely, interested but not really concerned.

Taking the third electrode between my fingers, I tapped with my knuckle against my temple, then inclined my head at him.

_'May I?'_

Grinning, he nodded, then leaned closer so I could attach it. Again I hesitated with the last one.

_'I need that one on your _ikran_, too, but I don't want him to bite my arm off in the progress.'_

I got a snort for that, but Mar'kay took it from me, and after petting the animal on its long neck pressed it against its forehead. I checked the readings the scanner received, halting for a moment when I saw the display already light up with blue and white lines as it picked up signals between the electrodes.

_'Good, it seems to be working.'_ Exhaling in a rush, I looked back into Mar'kay's grinning face. _'We're good to go.'_

He nodded, then unceremoniously picked me up and set me onto the back of the banshee. I was still huffing with indignation when he swung himself up, only this time behind me. When I half turned to eye him askance, he shrugged - and pulled me back against him with a rather possessive arm around my middle.

_'As clumsy as you are, you'll fall off for good and this way I can at least make sure I'll catch you. Grace will never forgive me if I let you break your neck.'_

I huffed, then tried to shove him away, but I could as well have tried to move stone. The only thing I accomplished was that he held me tighter, and before I could resort to a verbal attack, he let out a high shout and the banshee leaped off the ground. that gave me something else to worry about. Like what I should rather cling to, the banshee's neck or Mar'kay's thighs that were pressing lightly against mine. I briefly wondered what the link room crew was making of my undoubtedly skyrocketing heart-rate, but there wasn't really anything I couldn't do against the new panic racing through my body.

_'Relax, there is no reason to be afraid, you can't even fall off like this! I was only joking before.'_

Gnashing my teeth, I turned around to peer back at the pesky Na'vi.

_'You dragged me up into the branches of Hometree and threatened to leave me there, alone, don't you tell me I have no reason to panic!'_

He laughed, but then tuned it down when he saw my glare.

_'I wouldn't have left you there for long, I just needed you to want to fly with me. And it worked.'_

"You smug bastard!"

I was sure that he had picked up enough English to understand me, but he only seemed even more amused. Sadly any further attempts of mine to express my anger were thwarted when he leaned a little further into me, and a second later the banshee dived and accelerated to thrice its previous speed, shutting me up rather forcefully.

The weird thing was, the faster the animal flew and the more it banked and changed directions, the more my panic dissipated. Either my brain had decided that all hope was lost already and I might as well enjoy my last few moments before my certain death, or I simply got used to my whole body being subjected to changes in G force pressing down on it that were well above everything that any roller coaster I had ever seen produced. Then again I usually steered clear of them, so what did I know?

_'Tanku will be calmer if you stop stinking of fear. Relax, nothing will happen to you,'_ Mar'kay repeated, leaning a little closer so he could pry my hands from his mount's neck. _'Trust me?'_

Swallowing thickly, I nodded, and my stomach sank further as I felt his fingers skim up to my elbows. I resisted for a moment, then let him extend my arms to the sides, ridding me of any means to cling to anything. Air rushed against my body, but it was more like a cool caress than the slam into the brick wall I had expected. The banshee leveled out and went from banking to a fast gliding, seemingly motionless expect when he traversed from one air current to the next.

_'You have to become one with him, feel his movements and go with them, not resist them,'_ he went on, then let go of my arms to reach around my body, one hand on my upper abdomen, the other on my left hip. _'You have to feel it here and here,'_ he heightened the pressure of his hands against me, _'and let yourself move into his motions. Like a leaf in the wind, you don't stand against it, you move with it.'_

My heart was still beating hard enough to bruise my ribs, but I tried to follow his advice, tried to loosen up further and stop working against the banshee. Mar'kay pushed my arms down gently and I kept them between my feet on the animal's back, trying not to tense up again. His arm back around my middle he kept nudging me into a slightly more forward leaning position, then let the banshee pick up speed with a wide, curving arch.

With every bank and swoop I could feel my apprehension dwindle slowly, until my stomach stopped trying to drop right out of my body. I wouldn't have gone as far as saying I was able to relax, but the rush of euphoria was back soon, and before long I started anticipating each move rather than dreading it. Breathing in deeply, I felt a smile break out on my face.

With my mind clearing up from the panic I was also able to take in more of my surroundings, and the view was absolutely stunning. Vibrant colors rushed by us everywhere, and my nose caught a myriad of scents, each new one more enticing than the last. And after a while even I had to admit that I was having a great time, at least as long as I didn't look straight down.

_'Better now?'_

I nodded, then turned around until I could grin back at Mar'kay, seeing an equal look on his face.

_'This is amazing!'_

He gave a dismissing grunt, before he nodded towards something behind his shoulder.

'I think we're being followed.'


	13. Chapter 12: Race

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.****  
****

* * *

Chapter 12: Race**

_'I think we're being followed.'_

I didn't understand his words until I craned my neck further, making out two shapes slowly gaining on us.

_'Someone you know?'_

_'I'm guessing Neytiri and Jake. At least the left one is Seze, her _ikran_, and where she is, Jake will not be far.'_

I looked back again, trying to verify his assumption. The last update I had heard from Jake was that he was likely going to the Hallelujah Mountains soon to hunt down his own banshee, but I hadn't known he had actually succeeded already. With Jake, Grace, Norm and Trudy staying up at the external site in the mountains now, I was a little behind on the status quo.

While the two banshees were drawing closer, we passed a whole formation of flying Na'vi warriors, and I didn't miss them eyeing us with something close to disdain.

_'Let me guess, they are not thrilled that you are taking me for a flight?'_

Mar'kay shrugged, clearly unperturbed.

_'I'm not a child, I don't have to ask their approval for what I'm doing. How do you say?'_ He cleared his throat, than added in rather accent free English, "They can fuck off for all I care!"

I burst out laughing, Mar'kay joining in after a moment of grinning brightly at me.

_'Where did you catch that? I'm sure I don't swear that much when you're around.'__  
__  
__'Actually you do, but I heard Grace say that about the soldiers a few times.'_

His tone lost some of its previous mirth but his grin remained, and before I could ask about the details, a shrill cry announced the banshees having caught up to us. Mar'kay's assessment of their riders had been correct. Neytiri stayed a little farther away with her sleek, mostly cyan colored mount, while Jake was trying to hold his banshee steady in the air next to ours, but clearly had a harder time than both Na'vi flanking him. Only after he yelled repeatedly at his blue and purple animal it stopped trying to break out of the formation, much to Neytiri's obvious amusement.

When he finally had brought his banshee close enough, he leaned towards me and grinned.

"What are you doing up here? Did you get kidnapped or something?"

I chuckle and shook my head.

"I still can't believe that I'm doing this, but I'm actually here on my own free will!"

Mar'kay apparently found my assessment pretty funny but was wise enough to keep his mouth shut after I glared up at him over my shoulder, before I turned back to Jake.

"So I see you got yourself a new means of transportation?"

Jake's grin brightened until he was showing his sharp canines and nodded emphatically.

"It's awesome! And I'm really getting a hang on this!"

Apparently his boasting didn't sit too well with Neytiri, as a second later she brought Seze close enough to him that the wings of the banshees nearly touched, making Jake's animal shriek and drop several feet down, much to his rider's dismay.

Mar'kay's laughter rumbled through his body, then he leaned closer.

_'Are you up for a little fun?'_

My stomach lurched at his words, but my mind was too high on the adrenaline kick to listen.

_'Sure, what are you thinking of?'__  
__  
__'See how Neytiri is crouching on Seze? Can you put your feet up on the bones on Tanku's upper torso so I can move our center weight forward? Works better for balance.'_

My heart rate spiked again as I forced myself to move from my rather comfortable position into a less secure one. Nausea hit me for a moment when I was leaning more over the banshee's neck and got a good eye full of the forest skimming past underneath us, but then my stomach settled once again in obvious defeat. The banshee yipped a little when Mar'kay got up from his kneeling position and scooted loser, then let go of me completely to grab the animal's antenna with both his hands, building a natural cage around me with his body.

Jake had meanwhile regained his previous position between the other two banshees and was studying our re-arrangement with interest. It could also have been a kind of morbid fascination as a few times I was seriously afraid the banshee would buck and throw us off its back, but once we were done the animal seemed calmer than before.

Mar'kay turned to Jake, and I could hear laughter and anticipation in his voice.

"You up for a race?"

Jake grinned and nodded, while Neytiri seemed irritated for a moment, but then she threw her head back and laughed.

"You have no chance, you're too heavy for your _ikran_ to move any faster than this!"

Mar'kay accepted her challenge with a sneer, then whispered into my ear, _'You have to tell me if we go too fast. Tanku is strong, he can easily carry us both.'_ To Jake he jeered, _"_Ready?"

"Where to?"

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a few words that I couldn't quite catch, then he leaned closer to us.

"You know Site 26, our camp is up there, in the mountains?"

Mar'kay nodded.

"There?"

The other two nodded.

"We give you a headstart. You will need it!" Neytiri hollered, she and Jake both falling back and away from us. Mar'kay snorted, then leaned close enough that I felt his breath on my cheek even with the wind whipping around us.

_'Ready?'_

I swallowed and prayed that I wasn't doing something incredibly stupid that would get me killed, but I trusted him that he knew what he was doing.

_"_Okay!"

Mar'kay chuckled, then let out a loud cry that his animal echoed - before he accelerated for real with a long bank that ended in a dive that brought us back to the river. I screamed as I felt the wind press me closer to the banshee's back and against the Na'vi behind me. My shout soon turned into a whoop when we leveled out over the water, racing over it fast enough to churn the surface, spray hitting my face.

The scream of another banshee announced that Jake and Neytiri were giving chase, but when I dared to look back for a moment, I saw them a good distance behind us. Our banshee flapped his powerful wings as he climbed, then banked left as he hit a faster stream higher up. Mar'kay laughed at the yips I gave every time the animal changed course, but it was a good-natured sound.

_'You okay?'__  
__  
__'Never been better!'_

That made him laugh again as the banshee shot forward, now flying at what I presumed was his usual speed. We were still following the river, soon diving to skim over the surface again, and I felt myself relax as much as the excitement gripping me allowed. Once I wasn't that rigid anymore the banshee's motions didn't jar me that much, and before long I was cheering him on to go faster.

Jake had nearly caught up to us when the river made a wide bend, and we shot straight up into the air - and I got my first good look at the legendary floating mountains of Pandora. What I saw before me was nearly stunning enough to make me forget that I was right now crouching on a banshee flying about a hundred and fifty kilometers per hour.

Of course I had seen pictures of the mountains, and read countless reports about them and how the unobtanium deposits created a positive feedback of magnetic fields that kept the huge junks of rock suspended, seemingly weightless, hundreds of meters off the ground. But like so many other things in this world, once you actually saw them, the scientific explanations were shoved away by pure awe for their beauty.

As we zoomed towards them, I could study the flying rock formations more closely. Some of them were nearly bare, others, particularly the larger ones, covered in the same lush vegetation that was the ground underneath them. Roots and vines hung from them while water cascaded down falls that evaporated in mid-air, with colonies of mountain banshees resting on and flying between the rocks. I knew the Na'vi thought of the mountains as a sacred place, and flying towards them, I could only agree.

I was quickly torn from my reverie when Mar'kay made his banshee bank hard left as we zoomed around the first of the flying rocks, then right to swoop around the next one. The other two banshees followed his course at first, but then first Neytiri, followed by Jake, broke away, each rider and animal selecting their own trail through the maze.

_'You still okay?'_ Mar'kay asked, nudging my thighs lightly with his knees.

_'Sure!'__  
__  
__'Faster?'__  
__  
__'Yeah!'__  
__  
__'More swoops to show them who's the unmoving heavy junk in the air?'__  
__  
__'Go for it!'_

The words were torn right from my lips when Mar'kay made the banshee accelerate even more and fly even closer curves around them, which quite frankly was insane between the floating rocks. The animal seemed to gain even more speed through the maneuver, and we shot out well ahead of the other two into a larger free space. Tanku let out a triumphant shout that both Mar'kay and I joined in, and the other two banshees soon answered.

Then we were back between the rocks, flying closely around and once even _through_ one, going up, under and around obstacles at break neck speed. Two of the rocks suddenly moved together, their collision resulting in the thundering sound that had lent the formations their Na'vi name - roughly translated into Thundering Rocks - and Mar'kay had to direct his banshee into a wider arc that cost us our precious lead.

Now flying side by side with the others, the banshees started to interweave their courses, occasionally snapping at each other or trying to push the others away. I couldn't say how much of that came from the riders or the animals themselves, but we had the clear advantage in size as Tanku didn't buck one bit when Seze made to press him out of the ideal curve around one of the mountains. Neytiri was forced to break away for a moment, falling back as the other two banshees shot away from the rock at the other side.

Up ahead I could see our destination, the camp at Site 26, consisting of two large connected containers that made up the living quarters, and Trudy's Samson parked next to them on a small plateau of one of the hills at the edge of the Hallelujah Mountains. Below was a steep cliff, and I realized from the way that Mar'kay directed the banshee to dive he was intending to use the upwinds along the clear mountain face to win.

Both Mar'kay and Jake's banshees were straining for the lead now, and I whooped my encouragements as loud as I could, until the banshee folded his wings close to his body for a last accelerating dive that shut me up as I clung to its rider's arms.

Meter by meter Jake was falling back, cursing loud enough that I could still hear him even over the rush of the air we were slicing through, and I was convinced we were about to win as the cliff face was coming closer and closer - until Seze suddenly shot out from below us, with Neytiri hunkered flat against her back, leaving the other two banshees behind her as if they were both just cruising around idly. Neytiri's triumphant laughter rang through the air as her banshee shot up the cliff, beating us by seconds.

I was only disappointed for a moment, then Tanku decelerated by soaring up into the sky before he swooped around and, beating his wings rapidly a few times, touched down a few meters away from the other two animals.

I was laughing with exhilaration, the sudden loss of inertia not sitting well with my stomach again but I so didn't care. The other riders were joining in my good mood, and the only one who wasn't amused was Trudy.

Apparently she had been lazing outside of the shack, the exopack on over her aviators, and three screeching banshees suddenly shooting from below over her improvised lounge chair hadn't sat too well with her.

"Are you fucking idiots insane? I should shoot all of you right out of the sky!"

Jake jumped from his banshee's back, with a smooth motion disconnecting his queue from the animal's antenna, and walked over to the fuming pilot. His avatar was over a meter taller, towering over her, but that didn't seem to concern Trudy for a second.

"Shoot us with what? Last time I checked your Samson's lacking one door cannon, and the second one's not mounted at the moment. Idle threats, Trudy!"

She answered with a rather toothy grin, then leaned around Jake so she could holler to Neytiri.

"You, rein in your lapdog before I go inside and kick his scrawny ass!"

Neytiri shrugged, her chuckle unconcerned.

"Now would be good time, he won't fall off his _ikran_."

"Hey, why are you taking her side in this?" Jake complained, turning puppy eyes on the female Na'vi.

Neytiri's grin grew brighter as she made a noncommittal gesture.

"Females always stick together?"

She and Trudy both laughed over that, with me joining in after a moment, while Jake kicked at a bunch of ferns in frustration. Mar'kay let out a rather amused chuckle, causing Jake to turn on him.

"You at least have to support me! Us guys need to stick together, too!"

The Na'vi hunter shrugged.

"We are outnumbered. And the wise man never defies his woman, she will only act all angry and make life harder. Not wise to laugh at her when she's angry, either."

I sent him a pointed look over my shoulder, causing him to grin wider and show entirely too many teeth.

_'Since when? You never pass up a chance to unnerve me!'_

He shrugged, still grinning.

_'You are entirely too cute when you are angry, I can never not tease you.'_

I rolled my eyes, then bumped my shoulder back against his chest a little harder than probably necessary.

"Let me down, I need to stretch my legs."

Mar'kay scooted back and nimbly jumped to the ground, but I ignored his offered hand and instead slid down on the banshee's other side. Stretching, I pushed my knuckles into my lower back, groaning as I felt the vertebrae pop back where they belonged to. I didn't need to turn my head to see that Mar'kay was pointedly staring at my ass. Turning to him I hissed, feeling my tail swoosh behind me in agitation.

"Like little boys!" Neytiri teased him, then grinned at Jake as she hopped off her own banshee.

Something scratched my side as I rotated my shoulders to get the last kinks out of my back, and only then did I remember the reason behind this insane, and later insanely entertaining, endeavor. The scanner was still strapped around my arm, and a look at the display showed that it was busy recording. A lot more than I had expected, I realized as the icon for the memory chip being nearly full blinked angrily at me.

Grinning, I quickly tapped in the sequence to terminate the recording, then walked around Tanku to where Mar'kay was leaning idly against his side.

_'If you don't mind I'm going to rid you of that now, I got enough to last me weeks to analyze.'__  
__  
_Mar'kay smiled but didn't move a muscle, so I stepped closer to retrieve first the electrodes on his queue and the banshee's antenna, then the one from the banshee's head, and last the one from the Na'vi's temple. He seemed highly amused by my reluctance to touch him more than necessary, but I was suddenly overtly aware of the others watching us.

"I'll be right back!" I shouted to no one in particular, then walked over to the shack and the external data port. It wasn't necessary that I uploaded my gathered data here and sent it ahead of myself to the base, but I felt the need for some distance, and being away from prying eyes so no one might see the blush on my cheeks seemed like a really good idea.

Even after I was done I idled around a short while longer, trying to calm down, although I really couldn't say what had me flustered like that all of a sudden. My body was probably still doped up from all the excitement, and the adrenaline was clearly screwing with my brain. Deciding I had been hiding long enough I wrapped everything up, then returned to the others, holding the analyzer out to Trudy.

"You're going to Hell's Gate today, right?"

"Yep, Grace wants to personally kick some ass. Need me to take that to the lab for you?"

"That would be awesome, thanks."

She took the equipment, slightly too large for her hands.

"Which reminds me, I'm going to pick you up this evening, on the way from here to Hell's Gate." Turning to Jake, she went on. "By the way, Grace told me to remind you that you should be cozily rolled up in your hammock in 2 hours, she wants to be on the base by nineteen-hundred."

Not surprisingly, Jake grimaced.

"Sheesh, I can't remember when I had to tug in before sundown the last time. Can't I just stay up in the shack on my own until you're back tomorrow?"

Trudy's smirk was only emphasized by her aviators obscuring the upper half of her face.

"Not my call, Jakey Boy, you know that I would let you play outside way after bedtime."

He sighed pointedly, then glared at Neytiri who was busy pretending to stroke her banshee but was clearly hiding a wide grin.

"You have no idea what I've woken up to way too often these last weeks. Talk about ulterior motives for wanting me unconscious in the link unit way past midnight!"

Neytiri laughed out loud then, and swinging herself back onto her banshee took off after waving us good-bye. Jake heaved a theatrical sigh, then grinned back at me.

"Guess I'll see you at the pickup site then! Don't dawdle or Grace will have your ass, she's been grumpy enough for the last week already."

Then he followed Neytiri, both banshees disappearing into the mountains within seconds.

"So I have what, two and a half hours left?" I asked Trudy.

"Yup. And he's right, Grace _is_ a pain in the ass this week. I mean I can understand why she was pissed off when she walked in on me and Norm yesterday while we were going -"

"TMI, Trudy, TMI! I really don't need to know what you're doing in your bunk while the rest of us are busy with something useful!"

She only chuckled, then turned towards the shack.

"You're such a prude for someone running around half-naked with scantly clad hunks all around!"

I was very tempted to throw something after her but Mar'kay's laughter made me glare at him instead.

"So typical that you find that funny! Jerk!"

As usual my words had no effect on him, and he swung back onto his patiently waiting mount.

_'Want to suffer my insufferable presence for two more hours, or rather stay here with Trudy?'_

I was even tempted to tell him I wasn't coming, just to spite him, but I had really enjoyed flying, and considering that I had no idea what Trudy and Norm might be up to if he happened to wake up an hour early, I opted to join Mar'kay. The shack had disturbingly thin walls, and I had learned before that my avatar was equipped with really good ears.

This time I accepted his hand when he offered it, and let him pull me up in front of him once more. Shrieking excitedly, the banshee dropped off the ledge, gathering speed as he seemed to fall right off the cliff before he ended the dive with a hard bank into a smooth glide. Mar'kay was laughing at my excited whooping as he angled the banshee deeper into the mountains.

We spent the next hours flying between the floating rocks, mostly going slow, letting the wind carry us as the banshee reclaimed his strength. I thoroughly enjoyed the sight-seeing tour, even more so as I was probably the second human after Jake who had seen the Hallelujah Mountains like this. Mar'kay kept regaling me with little anecdotes, like how Tanku had nearly succeeded in killing him the day he had tamed him - apparently a very good sign if you were a Na'vi hunter. We also flew by the rookery where the young Na'vi hunters went to tame their banshees in a sort of coming of age ritual. His bond to his _ikran_ was clearly stronger than I had ever seen between anyone and their pet, but I figured with the way they were connected, it was only natural that they shared more than most human couples ever would.

Time flew by nearly as fast as the passing rock formations, and before I knew it the sun was already setting and we were speeding back towards Hometree. Halfway there we caught up to Trudy's Samson, and although I knew it was impossible, I thought I heard Jake cheer at us. Mar'kay let his banshee fly in formation with the tilt rotor helicopter for a few minutes, but then we dived again to make it to the camp before the others. I had barely enough time to thank him and clamber down from the animal before the Samson touched down. Even across the distance I saw Grace's frown, and consequently hurried over into the unpressurized cargo compartment of the Samson so it could take off fast again.

Contrary to every other flight before, I didn't strap myself in and prayed for a smooth ride, but instead remained crouching at the door, leaving one foot at the landing skid and holding on to the interior ceiling rail. Mar'kay grinned up at me and waved as we took off, and I spent the whole flight half leaning outside, taking in the dusk settling over the forest. The ride was certainly a lot less stomach churning than flying a banshee.

I was still in exceptionally high spirits when we reached Hell's Gate, leaving the others to don their exopacks as I jumped onto the tarmac. No one seemed to notice me as I walked through the hangar to the gate leading to the Avatar Compound. I was itching to review what my scanner had picked up, but still halted in front of the longhouse where the other avatars were already fast asleep.

Extending my arms, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, hoping to taste the forest one last time. But what had smelled all fresh and clean when I had first walked out here was polluted by exhaust fumes and the perpetual stink from the mines, clogging my nose and leaving a tarry layer on my tongue. Grunting dismally I punched in the security code that let me open the door, then flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. What I would give to stay out there at night, never to return to this stinking hellhole ...

* * *

**re the Hallelujah Mountains - check my twitter background image if you can't quite picture them, or haunt the wikia link from my profile!****  
****re Trudy & Norm - I'm keeping to the script there - I have no idea why they cut those parts out of the movie, I think they go perfect together. So there.****  
**


	14. Chapter 13: Tsahaylu

**J. Cameron owns everything Avatar. I got the ps3 game yesterday and now have a banshee to fly around on. Which rocks.**

**

* * *

Chapter 13: Tsahaylu**

A loud sigh left me as I became aware of my own body again. It didn't really feel like _my_ body anymore. It was clammy and weak, and I was sure I was developing sores on my ass and thighs where I was lying on the whole time.

Way before I was ready to confront the 'real world' again, the upper clamshell of my link unit was opened, unfamiliarly bright light shining into my sleepy eyes.

"Thank God you're awake, for a while we thought we were losing you!" one of the techs, Alina I think was her name, exclaimed.

Groaning loudly, I sat up and rubbed my eyes vigorously with the balls of my hands, for a moment wondering what had happened to the by now familiar weight at the back of my head. Treading my hands through my sweat soaked tresses, I only found a few inches of dull hair, of course no long, braided locks or queue.

And damn, I would have _killed_ for a cigarette and glass of Scotch, or even the moonshine liquor the soldiers distilled up here. Suddenly Grace's vices seemed all the more relateable.

"Ange? What happened out there?"

I looked up at Max's concerned question, not quite understanding his worried look.

"Why, what's wrong?" I was still so disoriented that only belatedly it occurred to me what the readings of my vitals must have looked like during the day. "Oh, that. We went flying."

"Flying?"

I grinned at his disbelieving tone, in spite of vertigo hitting me when I got up.

"Yeah, like on a banshee. I thought I was going to die at first, but then it was actually quite fun."

Max and Alina exchanged glances, but before either of them could answer, Grace's voice sounded from the lab next door.

"What the fuck is this? Can someone wake up the frigid bitch, I need an explanation, now!"

Alina snickered while Max actually had the tact to look taken aback. When he saw me grinning, he rolled his eyes, though.

"Don't mind her, I'm her 'tech monkey' half of the time. And you don't want to know what she called Norm last night over the com link when she checked in with me."

I could just imagine that.

"So, now everyone knows that he and Trudy ...?"

Max nodded.

"News travels fast, particularly when the Geek gets the Jock Girl. Although I can't really hold it against them, with someone as work obsessed as Grace you need some stress relief. No wonder Jake's on up to twenty link hours a day, I wouldn't want to be awake next to her, either."

I had my suspicions about what and who else might make him want to spend as much time in his avatar, but kept my tongue. Before Grace could physically assault me after doing the verbal deed already, I pushed away from my link unit and made my way over into the adjacent lab, where I found her already waiting for me.

The main screen had been cleared of all the usual updates and to-do lists, and was now filled with an erratic disarray of blue and white lines. A look at the ID verified that it was from my scanner, this afternoon, and I took a moment to just stare at the readings.

"Spit it out, what did you do, wire the electrodes to one of the power lines?"

I kept my eyes on the screen for a moment longer, then smirked at her before turning back to the display. I quickly arranged the different electrode readings in the right order and re-focusing everything, adding a diagram with the strength of the signal against the time line to the bottom.

Turning back to her, I grinned.

"This, Grace, is _Tsahaylu_."

Her eyes flicked from my face to the screens, then back to me.

"Just what the hell did you do?"

She sounded more perplexed than angry, so I felt inclined to answer her.

"Mar'kay allowed me to measure the bond between him and his banshee. One hour and seven minutes of electrical signals to analyze for us." Turning back to the screen, I scratched my head, then tapped the controls to change the parameters on the last display a little. "And I'm so going to have a field day tomorrow when I tell him that his _ikran_ is doing more thinking than he is according to this."

A definite strain remained around Grace's mouth, but I could see awe and wonder weasel through the cracks in her armor. She seemed genuinely surprised of the value of my 'work', and for once the perpetual frown on her forehead smoothed out.

I was just about to explain in more detail how I had come to the fortunate opportunity when the door to the lab opened, admitting Jake and Norm. No one else seemed to mind them, the other scientists already converging on the data I had hauled in, only Grace acknowledged them with a curt nod. Jake looked a lot more haggard than the last time I had seen him two weeks ago, but that took nothing away from his bright grin, so similar to his avatar's.

"This is it?" Norm wanted to know, his eyes glued to the screen. I nodded emphatically, much to Jake's amusement.

"Geek porn. I see it's going to be a lonely evening for me as all of you won't talk about anything else."

I shrugged, then stepped away to let Norm get a better look.

"What can I say, it's amazing."

Jake cocked his head as he studied me intently.

"I guess for you guys that stuff is."

"I wasn't talking about the diagrams," I admitted. His lips curled into a wide grin as he snorted.

"Yeah, flying's awesome!"

We both stared at the screen for a moment, then Jake nodded at a particularly high spike on the signal strength diagram.

"That was when you nearly crashed into the bouncing rocks, right? I really thought you'd end up as bloody pulp, but that banshee is incredibly agile for his size."

I nodded my agreement, then pushed Norm slightly to the side so I could follow the curve with my finger as I tried to match up the events that might have caused the ups and downs.

"That's when we started from the camp. We were flying pretty slowly at first, I guess that explains the regular low here." Pointing at the start of the elevated phase that lasted until the end, I went on. "I guess that's where you and Neytiri caught up to us. At least it makes sense, here we were still flying over the river, while that must be where we started racing through the mountains."

I wanted to go on with my analysis, but Grace interrupted me.

"Race? Don't tell me you put equipment worth thousands of dollars at hazard in some kind of stupid air race?"

"Actually, thousands of dollars of equipment plus two avatars. Last time I checked that amounted to slightly more than just a couple million bucks."

My assessment didn't sit too well with her but she kept her lips pressed together, before turning back to the screen.

"Still makes this shoddy for analysis. I guess you didn't keep a detailed log of what exact action caused which signal? Thought so."

I felt like shaking my head at her dismissal of the value of the data, but I figured it was more her wounded ego at not having brought the results in herself than actual disregard thereof that made her so grumpy.

"I'm sure that if we design such a log, Mar'kay will be happy to follow the course of the sequence so we can match it up better."

Her frown reappearing, she cleared her throat.

"And what makes you so sure of that?"

"He offered to let me measure this, I don't think he'll protest a quick directed flight sequence."

For some reason my answer seemed to surprise her, but before she could say anything further, Jake nudged Norm, who was still ogling the diagrams with awe.

"Hey, this might actually be something for you, socio-anthropology stuff."

"Huh?"

"What's a really cheesy Na'vi pickup line?"

Norm shrugged, his attention now more on Jake than the screens.

"What?"

"Wanna take a ride on my banshee?"

I didn't know what irritated me more, Norm's snicker or Jake's smirk, but that certainly deserved a retort. Turning to face the soldier in the wheelchair fully, I leaned back against the table in what I hoped was a relaxed position.

"Tell me, Jake, as one who has first-hand experience in this, how does it feel to connect to your _ikran_ the way the Na'vi do when they have ponytail sex?"

It was comical to see the mirth drain from his face.

"You didn't just really say that."

Pursing my lips, I struck a musing pose before I snapped my fingers.

"Actually, I think I did. What are you gonna do now, get offended?"

His eyes narrowed at me for a moment, but then his frown was replaced by broad grin.

"Ah, you're just jealous!"

"Sure I am, can't you see the venom dripping in my badly concealed drool?"

Sadly, Jake's retort was cut off when Grace rounded on us, glaring at us both until we visibly shied away from her wrath.

"Either you contribute something useful to this, or you get the fuck out of my lab! In fact, forget option one, I don't want to see either of you here tonight."

I felt like pointing out that she only had something we could contribute to because of me, but she looked too volatile at the moment. When I glanced at Jake, the ex marine shrugged.

"I know dinner's probably the most disgusting option I can offer right now, but at least there no one is about to inflict any physical harm on us. Wanna join me for a bowl of something we don't really want to know the contents of?"

"Sure thing. That is if Grace is sure she doesn't need me?"

She gave a noncommittal grunt, then made a dismissing gesture with one hand, while the other already flitted over one of the holo sheets she had synced with the main screens.

"I'll have the detailed flight command log ready for you in the morning. I want you in at seven sharp, don't be late."

"What about the meeting?"

Her lips compressed and I could tell that the next words were hard for her to utter.

"You're dismissed. We'll likely be working on the data the whole night anyway. You get some rest and tomorrow haul in more that we can actually use for real. That's more valuable for us at the moment."

I nodded and turned to go away, but then stopped.

"You know, if we can work out how we can translate that," I nodded at the screen, "into data transmission technology, the patents alone will bring the RDA more than all the unobtanium on the whole moon. They would finance your research forever."

Grace paused, cocking her head, but she didn't say anything further, just waved us away. For some reason that sent my skin crawling, but by now I was so used to the bouts of paranoia that I simply ignored them. Instead I followed Norm and Jake towards the cafeteria.

"I can't believe they really let you ride a banshee!" Norm picked up our previous conversation, shaking his head in wonder.

"Ride might be a little too much, it was more like being bullied into it. It was either that or climb down Hometree again, and that trunk's really a one-way!"

Jake snickered.

"For you maybe. I've been up and down a few times myself, it's not that hard. You just need a good sense of balance."

"Excuse me, but I have better things to do than jump from branch to branch all day!"

Our bickering might have escalated then, but Norm's frustrated sigh cut us both short.

"Yeah, yeah, keep rubbing your conquests in my face! First you, Jake, take away my main reason to be here, establishing communications and trust with the Na'vi, and then Ange comes crashing in and upends literally all of the data I gathered in weeks. That's not fair!"

Jake and I exchanged glances, and after a moment Jake stopped his wheelchair and turned it around to face Norm.

"You're getting laid, so shut up!"

Norm looked a little sheepish, but his mood was already brightening.

"Yeah, I guess that beats being possible leonopteryx fodder every day! Forget I said anything before, yay me!"

I shook my head, laughing.

"Men, so easily amused."

Our banter resumed then, Jake teasing Norm about the way he was mooning over Trudy all the time, when we rounded a bend in the corridor right before the entryway to the cafeteria. In front of the huge door were two people, deep in conversation, and only on my second take I realized that it was Deanne who was talking animatedly with Col. Quaritch.

"Talk about fraternizing with the enemy," I remarked dryly, then immediately wished I had a better filter between my brain and mouth. Norm snorted but it sounded definitely like he was agreeing, while Jake scowled for a moment.

"I thought you've been working for the RDA for most of your life?"

His words gave me pause, but there was no malice in his gaze when I caught it.

"Yeah, I have. But that doesn't mean I'm supporting their ideas of destroying this whole world just because of the shiny metal in the ground. And quite frankly, that guy creeps me out."

As did Deanne, but I couldn't very well admit that. Meanwhile the other two had become aware of us approaching, and after a few parting words went away into different directions, Deanne sending me a long look while Quaritch nodded at Jake in passing. Jake looked positively uncomfortable as he pushed his wheelchair back into motion, and we went into the cafeteria without another word.

Over dinner Jake and I talked about nothing else but the race, much to Norm's chagrin until Trudy joined us, but the quirky pilot was more interested in our conversation than him. He seemed mutinous until Trudy declared that she was dead tired from spending the day lazing in the sun and the two left, followed by our laugher. I guessed we would have spent the rest of the night gushing if Deanne hadn't dropped in shortly after eleven, nodding emphatically at the door before she left again.

"I guess I should hit the sack. I already feel drained, I don't think I should add sleep deprivation to the strain."

Jake chuckled in agreement.

"Yeah. Seriously, half of the time I feel more dead when I wake up in the link than after a day spent running through the trees. See ya tomorrow, eh?"

"Sure! Night!"

I hadn't yet reached my quarters when Deanne caught up to me and dragged me along until we were out of earshot. Rounding on me she narrowed her eyes, frowning.

"What was the commotion about this evening? I thought I made it clear that you should _befriend_ Grace Augustine, not piss her off!"

It took me a few moments to understand what she meant.

"Sheesh, I'm not pissing her off! Or at least not in a negative way."

"That certainly sounded different to me!"

I made a dismissive gesture and stepped away from her, resuming the way to my quarters.

"Did you ever take a moment to talk to her, like really _talk_ to her? That woman is as abrasive as they get, but underneath all that she's just as curious as the rest of us. Sure, she doesn't really like me for whatever reason, but I got a lot closer to her today by handing that data feed over to her. I bet she's been dreaming of getting her hands on scans like that for years. Trust me, I'm making progress, just give me a little more time."

"Yeah, about that," Deanne grunted, following me into my living unit. "Why do you even try so hard to bring in any valuable data? It's the same to us."

Her words made me pause again to the point where my skin was crawling anew, but I tried to ignore that.

"Look, you told me I have to keep this scam up. I can't just pretend to analyze things, Grace is breathing down my neck so I actually have to do what I'm posing for. And you'll see, she'll trust me a lot more now that she knows that I'm really doing something for my paycheck. I'm not sure I will ever connect to her on a personal level, but the professional side should be doable."

Glancing longingly at my rumpled sheets, I crossed my arms over my chest as I caught Deanne's gaze again.

"I'm working my ass off here to keep this whole thing running, and I didn't slip once. I know your trust only goes as far as you can throw me, but seriously, have I given you any reason to doubt my dedication?"

She pursed her lips, then gave a curt nod.

"It's still disconcerting to hear just how familiar you seem to get with that Na'vi."

Biting the inside of my cheek, I hoped that my eyes didn't betray me when I cast around for how to reply. I had never been a good actress, but I hoped that my state of tiredness might help tonight.

"Deanne, what do you expect of me?"

"To have at least some principles! No one told you to whore yourself out like this!"

I was sneering at her before I realized it, then figured I might as well use that reaction to get her off my back.

"Do you think I'm _enjoying_ myself out there, being forced to ride on one of these horrible beasties while being so close to that rude, stinking alien? But look at the people I'm trying to get close to, they don't expect anything else from me!"

Deanne cocked her head.

"What Sully was saying today told a different story."

"That's because he was teasing me! You should see him out there, vying for the attention of that blue monkey girl. He's just making fun of me because he's glad he doesn't seem to be the only one getting a little too comfortable around the Na'vi. For fuck's sake, Grace was shot three years ago because she tried to defend the young ones at her school, do you think she would trust anyone who's openly hostile towards them? But show her the gullible, frigid girl that falls head over heels for literally the first guy who she walks into, and she'll be hard pressed to think I'm not a hundred fifty percent on her side. Happy now? I'm just doing what will ultimately get me where you want me to be, nothing more, nothing less."

I wasn't sure if she bought it, but at least the look of hostility left her face.

"If you say so. But we need results. And soon. In a week or two would be good, our time is running out if we still want to stage something."

"Stage something?" I asked, a little lamely. Deanne grinned, then turned to go.

"Sure. Can't pass up the chance to kill two birds with one stone. Now sleep, we'll talk later."

She left me with my mind riling, trying to make sense of that cryptic note. I had no concrete ideas of what she was hinting at, but I felt like whatever it was, once I found out I wouldn't like it. Things were changing, and I didn't know if for the better, or for the worse. I was just glad that it was impossible that Deanne had any more informants in our camp near Hometree, or she would have known just how much bullshit I had just dished out. I just wasn't sure how I felt about that myself.


	15. Chapter 14: Invitations & Negotiations

**J. Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Of Invitations and Negotiations**

I was unnaturally chipper when I crawled out of bed the next morning. My whole body ached and I felt vaguely sick to the stomach, but just the fact that I could forget about all that in a short while made my spirits soar. I tried not to think of why I was so energized, but I had a hunch the reason for my exceptionally good mood was blue, ten foot tall, and likely already plotting the demise of my sanity for today. I just didn't want to dwell on what that might mean between my involvement with the ILF and working with Grace - so for this day I decided to simply not do it. For once in my life I just wanted to forget about all the crap piling up and enjoy myself for one single day. Tomorrow I would act responsible and start to work things out, I told myself, but not today.

It was still gloomy outside when I walked over to the link room to get a holo sheet loaded with my scans from yesterday. I knew I should have been more enthusiastic about them, but I was still starting to grin when I thought back to our race. Hell, when I closed my eyes I could still _feel_ the air rushing around my body while the banshee banked and dived underneath me. I had never thought that anything could curb my enthusiasm for science, but there was so much more out there than what the analyzers could pick up that I wanted to see.

The link room was uncharacteristically busy for the early hour. Max and a few of the techs - and even one of the avatar drivers - were working, and from what I picked up, complaining about their equipment failing.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to seem bored, but after spending three years of my life trying to keep everything running here, I couldn't just ignore them.

Max sighed, then nodded at the link unit two of the techs were working on at the moment.

"Another one won't start up, so now we're down to only eight working link chairs. I already told Grace to get back to the shack in the mountains today or else we won't have enough working units for all avatar drivers. Not that she would listen to me, but, you know, complaining's half the fun of it all."

I scowled at the offending piece of technology, then looked around the room. True enough, four of the others were also powered down, two of them - four and five - our most glitchy link units. They had probably been offline for days already but I hadn't noticed, too excited every morning to get out into the forest.

"This is insane! I need to go outside today, I have my time course experiment set up, I need to harvest the samples at two and eight, weeks of work will be lost if I can't do it!" Linsay, the brunette avatar driver, complained.

"You can always go out yourself with an exopack," one of the techs offered.

"Yeah, right, because I'm so good with plucking blossoms that are four meters up off the ground! Get this junk working, for fuck's sake!" she grumbled, and after a baleful glare in my direction stormed off.

"What was that about?" I asked Max, who was hiding a smirk for a moment. At my question he shrugged and cleared his throat.

"Let's just say that while some are ecstatic about the readings you got yesterday, others feel like your privileged status is not quite earned."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He blinked, surprised.

"Didn't Grace tell you? She made it clear that you and Jake need to have working link chairs available at any time, and everyone in the lab has been set to work on your data. She kind of made you the Princess of the Avatar Project over night."

Now it was my turn to stare at him incredulously.

"What?"

"Yeah, I know, it sounds improbably that the Bitch Queen is letting someone else steal her spotlight, but she's really impressed with what you got in so far. I think if it were anyone but Grace she would have hugged you and spent the evening drinking over your joint victory, but that's just not her thing. Suffice it to say, some people are now pissed off because you swooped in and stole their future fame. Don't mind them, though, _this_ is exactly what we need to keep our funds from the RDA when the shit goes down."

As before I noticed his cryptic remark but didn't ask. He had evaded me until now, and today I really wasn't in the mood for any gloomy speculations.

"Do you know if they have the results from last night up on the server already?" I asked, gesturing with my empty holo sheet at the lab next door.

"Sure, just wait here, I think Grace already set something aside for you."

He took my sheet and went over into the lab, briefly conversing with one of the bleary eyed scientists there. I waited until he was standing with his back to me, then I deliberately knocked over the folder lying on the center console next to one of the glitchy link units.

"Oops!" I sheepishly offered, then crouched down, pretending to gather the spilled reports. A stealthy glance revealed that the techs had only looked up for a moment and were again minding their own business. Quickly scooting closer to the unit, I saw at once why it wasn't working. One of the cooling aggregates was inactive, something that happened for whatever reason every once in a while. A little fiddling and the aggregate slid back into place with a satisfying click. The the main power line was also unplugged, and tugging a little on the cable I made sure that it was visible from the outside even if someone didn't crawl under the unit.

Gathering the folder back up I set it onto the console, and by the time Max returned with my results I was once again pretending to be bored out of my mind. I accepted the holo sheet with a smile, and as I was making my way to the door I _accidentally_ bumped my foot against the cable.

"Hey, is this always hanging down there?"

Max looked first at me, then the cable. Kneeling down he scrutinized it for a moment, then connected it. The unit above him hummed to life then, and he let out a whoop.

"Looks like Linsay won't have your ass after all!" he laughed, but before he could say more I quickly left the room, suddenly uncomfortable. I knew Max had always been fond of me, the real _me_, and I couldn't listen to him now mourn my still unexplained absence.

After my daily morning check-in with Deanne I made it to the cafeteria, sitting down next to a group from the tech staff. Breakfast was as tasteless as always but I tried to immerse myself into my reading material. Seeing the first sketchy analysis, I could understand why Grace had set the whole team to work on them. I had seen that the neural connection I had measured was fast, but not _how_ fast. It was as if once connected, the velocity of electric signal transduction between Mar'kay's brain and that of his banshee was as fast as any other we commonly found in biological systems - once again undermining just how much more than just a sensory organ the Na'vi queue was. Their brains were pretty much instantly synched, working together as one.

For over a century and a half humanity had tried to achieve similar things with linking us to some kind of artificial intelligence or other to make remotely controlled devices work through simple brain power. The whole Avatar Program was working on pretty much the same principle, letting the human brain control the avatar through the psylink units - but compared to this we were like children taking their first, very wobbly steps.

The irony that we found what could be the pinnacle of technological advancement of the 22nd century in a world where pretty much everything seemed to be in tune with its surroundings _without_ relying on the use of any technology was stunning.

Grace's voice at the other end of the cafeteria made me realize that I had been staring blindly at my sheet for several minutes, lost in my thoughts. I felt like I should have been excited about my epiphany, but it only saddened me. It was just another thing that humanity would try to tear from this world, as if ruining the forest and bedrock with the mining for unobtanium wasn't bad enough.

Looking up towards her I met Grace's eyes, and I could see in her gaze the same knowledge. I suddenly realized that she had probably known about this for a while, maybe even years, and the possible conclusion didn't sit better with her than me.

Getting up I left my tray at the door and went back over to the lab, Grace trailing behind me. I was kind of waiting for her to talk to me, but she only shooed me over to the link room, seeming her usual bossy, uncaring self.

Outside I met her and Norm's avatar a few minutes later, and while Norm was busy helping one of the other avatars loading some extra equipment into Trudy's Samson, Grace handed me one of the long range scanners, the more advanced model of the one I had been using the day before.

"I already programmed the flight sequence we need into it, you just have to read it out for Mar'kay so he can follow it. See you in camp, the cargo bay is full so you'll have to fly with the second one."

At her nod I realized that the helicopter next to Trudy's was also ready for take-off, its crew as usual less enthusiastic about having to give us a lift. I had never quite understood why everyone except Trudy seemed so opposed to having to deal with the science sorties as they were pretty much milk runs compared to when they had to guard the mining vehicles the Na'vi actually attacked rather often, but I had given up asking. Both soldiers manning the door guns were giving me hostile looks but I ignored them, instead strapping myself in so I could go through the scanner program one last time before take-off. Yesterday's flying experience had left me yearning for more of the same, yet I didn't dare spend the flight over to the camp hanging out the side of the cargo bay. The RDA soldiers were already itchy enough as it was, their avatar passenger acting up might not improve their mood.

Using the portable com headsets and throat mics Grace kept bringing me up to date on what the science team had already worked out last night, but she sounded rather put off than excited. I really didn't know what to make of her overtly grumpy attitude, but decided to tread lightly for the day, just to be on the safe side.

Sadly, the people around me had other plans for my day, and we hadn't yet traversed the river that lead into the Na'vi territory when the pilot of my Samson announced the dawning fail of my little resolution.

"Samson 16, this is Samson 13, do you copy? Incoming at two o'clock, three clicks out."

I instinctively leaned towards the open side of the cargo bay in my right, trying to spot what had grabbed the pilot's attention. Something was moving above the tree tops but it was too far away for me to make out.

"Roger, getting a clear signal. Stand down until we know what it is, Quaritch will have your ass if you keep shooting at floating bolders again," came Trudy's answer, her smirk clearly translating even over the com.

There was no response from the captain of my helicopter, but one of the gunners shouted a nearly inaudible "Fucking treehuggers!" over to his comrade before he hefted his GAU-19 more securely.

Not a minute passed before the com came alive again.

"Now it has changed course, I'm going to shoot whatever it is out of the sky before it's on my 6 o'clock!"

His panicked tone made me a little concerned, but then Trudy came onto the com again, sounding rather annoyed than agitated.

"Get your shit back together, Williams, that's one lone banshee, unless it swoops in and eats one of your gunners for breakfast there's no reason for you to lose it. And I think we could spare Thomson here anyway."

"Frackin' bitch!" the mentioned soldier muttered, but the pilot seemed to relax a little more.

"You positive, Chacon? That's quite a large mofo if you ask me. Sure that's not one of those damn red devils?"

Trudy snorted.

"Does it have feet? No. And it's blue, not red. Check your scanners, it's clearly a banshee. Probably one with an ego to match its wingspan," she added, laughing.

By then I had a hunch about the identity of this most offending banshee, and when he came up from below between the two Samsons, flying eerily in formation with them, my guess was confirmed. Mar'kay sat hunched low between the forward shoulder blades of his _ikran_, but once he had caught up with the helicopters he straightened, and after waving at Grace and Norm he turn over to me, grinning broadly.

I shook my head and briefly hid my face in my palms, kind of agreeing with the soldier next to me who was letting out a rather succinct, "What the fuck?" Even over the drone of the helicopter I heard the Na'vi hunter laugh and looked up sharply again. He was still grinning, and when he saw that he had my attention, he held his arms out towards me, clearly beckoning me to join him.

Mid air. Some hundred meters off the ground. From inside the cargo bay of a helicopter flying over a hundred and fifty kilometers per hour.

Why was I even surprised?

Shaking my head I flipped him off, but that only seemed to amuse him more. He returned the gesture with a shrug, and I was sure that he was calling me a scared little girl again.

I felt my pulse pick up as my anger flared to life, further incensed when I saw Grace and Norm talking, her briefly glancing over to me before she made a circular motion with her finger by her temple. Of course I didn't know if she really called me crazy, but suddenly I felt my reluctance to prove her wrong dwindle.

Glancing back to Mar'kay who was still finding this all very amusing I narrowed my eyes, then bent down to take off my shoes. The door gunner on the other side of the cargo bay watched me with wide eyes, clearly fascinated that the wacky science geek had now lost her mind completely. Leaving the shoes under my seat I stepped up to the open side of the Samson, judging the distance. My stomach immediately sank but I took a last calming breath as I activated the mic at my throat.

"Captain, can you hold the chopper on a steady line for a few secs?"

"This ain't a chopper, Missy, but a -"

I didn't hear what else he said as I stepped back - and jumped.

My own cry was droned out by the wind rushing around me as I flew through the air, traversing the few meters between the cargo bay and the banshee in a second. For once in my life my aim had been good and I pretty much slammed into Mar'kay, his arms grabbing and holding me while his banshee screeched, dropping and banking slightly to steady himself again. My heart was still racing as I slid into a kneeling position behind the Na'vi, shuffling close to stop unbalancing his mount. Mar'kay greeted me with a delighted laugh before he let Tanku bank hard, setting an end to the animal's fidgeting.

"Thank you for the ride, Captain, but I think I can take it from here. Safe flight back to Hell's Gate!" I spoke into my mic, but the Samson had already broken formation and was heading back into the direction it had come from. I was sure that all three soldiers were still staring at me with shocked incredulity.

"Have you fucking lost your mind? Does the number five billion dollars mean anything to you?"

Craning my neck so I could see Grace glaring down at us, I waved at her and felt my own grin now match Mar'kay's.

"It's just a number, albeit a fun one!" I replied, ignoring her indignation over jeopardizing my avatar. Although he couldn't hear our exchange, the Na'vi seemed to catch on to the meaning, laughing loudly as he steered the banshee away from the remaining Samson.

_'Good morning!'_ I shouted, hugging him a little more as the animal inadvertently sped up to what I now recognized as its cruising velocity.

_'You're early,'_ he commented, grinning. _'I nearly missed you.'_

_'They were already debating shooting you!_' I tartly informed him.

Mar'kay laughed. _'They could have tried!'_

Shaking my head I turned around to look after the Samson returning to Hell's Gate. My stomach sank a little with the notion that the pilot might have pulled the trigger for real, but I figured Mar'kay's confidence didn't just stem from natural cockiness.

_'Where to now? Did the pretty color pictures help?'_

Letting a grin return to my face, I nodded emphatically.

_'Yes, they did, and I haven't properly thanked you yet. But I would like to take a few more readings, if you don't mind? Grace wants you to fly in a certain sequence so we can better match what is going on.'__  
__  
__'Sure. Now?'__  
__  
__'When we're back at camp, yeah. I think Grace will hit me if I don't hand her the results when they land.'_

He chuckled, agreeing, and moments later the banshee sped up further, banking towards Hometree. After landing in the still shadowy clearing of the camp, I quickly explained to Mar'kay what exactly I wanted him to do, and after flying the first sequence with me still kneeling behind him, he pivoted through four more on his own. I was a little sad that the better scanners allowed me to stay in the ground while the banshee swooped through the loops above, but then it was probably for the best. One asinine maneuver on an empty stomach was enough for me.

By the time Grace and Norm arrived, lugging the new equipment along on a small hover cart, I was already busy uploading the new data onto the server while Mar'kay was making himself scarce, mumbling about having forgotten that he needed to take care of something. I rolled my eyes as him as he fled the camp, grinning brightly as he left me behind to get chewed up by Grace.

I felt lucky when she ignored me at first, turning straight to the results, but after a few minutes she pursed her lips and scowled at me.

"Just what did you think you were doing up there?"

I shrugged, trying not to cringe under her gaze.

"I didn't really think all that much, I have to admit."

"Thought so. The last we need now us Selfridge shutting us down because the pilots call in that we're a hazard to their precious helicopters."

Blinking, I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Just what is this about?"

Her eyes narrowed, but after a second her face visibly went blank.

"We'll talk about this another time. Just hook up the new mobile server and you're good to go roll around in the mud or something."

My mouth fell open with the need to respond to her insult, but before I got anything out, Grace cocked one eyebrow pointedly.

"What? Don't tell me you don't know how to set up the computer, because I'm pretty sure our buggy equipment here hasn't miraculously fixed itself. Norm sure didn't do it, he's hard pressed to find the right plug for the scanner already, and I have more important things to do."

She turned away from me then, leaving me gulping where I stood. I realized then that my previous attempts to kill time might have given away too much about the real me, but I figured she didn't care either way - or I would have found myself in a holding cell weeks ago already. Grumbling under my breath I turned to the tent and went to work.

I needed a lot longer than I had anticipated as I had to tweak about a million things, but finally everything was up and running. Grace and Norm were busy with an experiment at the other side of the camp, and Mar'kay was lazing in the sun, leaning against Tanku's folded up wings.

The temptation to just sneak off then was strong - Grace might have told me, more or less, to spend the day how I wanted to, but I knew it wasn't beyond her to change her mind. Yet before I had the chance a small group of Na'vi entered the clearing, and I was surprised to recognize the young mother and her two girls from yesterday's weaving lesson. They eyed Grace and Norm a little warily, but when they saw me leaving the tent the girls immediately came running over to me, hugging me and chattering away animatedly.

As perplexed as I was about their clear lack of reservations towards me their easy way made me grin, and I was only too happy to tell them how exciting my ride on the banshee had been yesterday. And today. I thanked them again for fixing my hair, which drew their critical gazes to the rather messy bun my tresses had wound up in today, again. Before I knew what was happening they had sat me down on the ground and were braiding it anew, apparently into something more suited to withstand the wind. They were surprisingly fast, and five minutes later the unruly mess had turned into an intricate braid. Their mother was meanwhile talking to Mar'kay, and I was amused to see him frown at whatever she was telling him. It looked a little like she was chiding him for something.

Once her daughters were done with me and let me get up again, the woman turned to me, and I was surprised when she held out something made of wood, leather strings and woven cloth to me.

_'Here, we made this for you yesterday. Mar'kay told us you didn't have a _p'ah s'ivil chey_ yet.'_

I didn't know what to say or do, particularly as I had no idea why they were bringing me a gift now, but Mar'kay answered before I could put my foot into my mouth.

"_Chey_ is for personal things. It is what friends or family make for you, as a gift. You cannot refuse gifts, impolite," he explained.

"But I don't have anything I can give them in return! They are already so nice to me, I cannot accept it."

He let out a low curse that caused the young mother to glare at him while the girls giggled.

"It not like your gifts," he went on, his English becoming heavily accented the more frustrated he got. "Na'vi give gifts because we can. We like. We want to make the one we give gifts to happy. You accept, you smile, you happy, that is reward for us. We not expect anything in return. You just take. Now."

The last thing I wanted was to appear impolite so I took the _chey_ from her, smiling and thanking her as I looked at it more closely. It was a little like a sort of rack, something to hang small things from. The girls excitedly told me they had made the yellow and red beaded arm band for me wrapped around one of the leather strings. They were only too happy to tie it around my upper arm, clearly delighted they could, again, use me as their dress up doll. Their mother clearly approved, although she sent Mar'kay another one of those scolding looks that I didn't quite get.

Our exchange had not gone unnoticed by Grace and Norm, and while the young anthropologist seemed less thrilled by what was clearly girl beauty talk, Grace looked something between surprised and annoyed. I couldn't say if it was just because I was in the lime light while the Na'vi family ignored her, or whether it was something else, but the frown on her forehead made me wary.

Her mission clearly completed, the young mother then called her girls to her side, but instead of leaving she turned to Grace, also including me and Norm into her speech by looking from one of us to the other.

_'Tonight we celebrate the successful hunt. We want to invite you, Jakesully is with the hunters and this is an important part of his path. You are of his clan, his friends, you should come.'_

Mar'kay sent me another one of those 'you better don't even think of declining' looks, and I didn't have to check with Norm to know he got all excited about the opportunity. Grace was still frowning, but I decided that there really was only one possible answer.

_'We are honored, and happy to come celebrate with you.'_

The Na'vi woman smiled and nodded satisfied while the girls cheered, and after wishing us a productive day they left. My already good mood was picking up at the chance to spend a few more hours out here, but Grace set a quick end to that with her next words.

"Awesome. And would you tell me now just how you think you can pull that off? We have to leave here before sundown, and I'm pretty sure the Omaticaya won't tug in at seven sharp."

"We can stay here, in the camp," I replied, not quite understanding her grumpy statement.

"Fat chance, according to Parker."

I didn't quite get what the RDA administrator had to do with us staying out of the relative security of Hell's Gate.

"But you and Norm stay here all the time!"

Norm looked a little sheepish then and cleared his throat noisily, shaking his head.

"Selfridge rescinded that after I had a rather unfortunate run-in with a pack of viperwolves last week. We have to stay at the improvised hut up at the shack at night now. He said it wouldn't help his quarterly statement if he lost two avatars in addition to probably never seeing Jake's again."

"See what I was talking about earlier? I'm sure that jackass of a pilot has reported your little stunt from earlier today already, and there's no way they will let us stay out here over night," Grace added, now more exasperated than angry. I could see her point and felt even a little foolish, but I wasn't ready to take no for an answer this fast.

"Maybe we can talk to him? There must be some way to wring a few hours out of him at least."

Grace shook her head but when I didn't budge she gestured at the inactive com unit.

"Please, be my guest, enjoy bickering with the fools for once, I'm tired of this."

She turned away and picked up her gear again, ignoring me. Norm sent me a hopeful look before he returned to Grace's side. Sighing I went over to the com, afixing the headset to my right ear while the station was patching the signal through to Hell's Gate.

The screen flared up in color, and my previously donned smile nearly faltered when Tabitha's face appeared. Her eyes widened for a moment when she recognized me, but then she was back to corporal barbie fake friendliness.

"Parker Selfridge's com, Mr Selfridge is not in his office right now, would you like to leave a message, Dr Caulfield?"

Putting my hands on the table I leaned closer to the cam at the top of the unit, taking a little childish joy from filling her screen with my striped blue face.

"Patch me through to Parker asap, trust me, he wants to take this call."

"But he said -"

"I don't care, get him on the com!"

Her eyes cast around for a moment, but then she nodded.

"Very well. Please hold."

The screen went blank, and nearly two minutes passed until the signal came online again, showing Selfridge's exopack covered face now as he was sneering into a portable com unit.

"You better have a good reason to drag me in from my well deserved coffee break!"

I could see the tarmac of the air strip behind him, and ventured a guess that he had once again taken his insane golfing habit out onto the base. The people trying to work in the control room where he was usually putting into a coffee mug were probably throwing a party at the moment.

"I'd say a possible fifteen billion budge in your quarterly statement might interest you."

His brows shot up, but his surprise was quickly covered by his usual self-absorbed grin.

"You have my attention, Doc. At least I think you're a doc, seeing as you're out with the blue monkey suit?"

"Dr Angela Caulfield, sorry for cutting right to the details. I'm calling to inform you that Drs Augustine, Spellman and I will stay out in the Na'vi territory camp tonight. You can save the fuel to send a Samson in the evening, we won't need it."

I expected him to tell me to fuck off right away, but instead he smirked, then started to laugh.

"Okay, nice joke, but why are you really calling?"

"I'm serious. We're pulling an all-nighter."

He still didn't take me for real.

"Sure. Tell me exactly what keeps me from calling the Colonel to pull the plug on your link units?" He then turned around and held the com so that it was directed at the part of the compound where the link room was situated. "Because whatever you crazies might think, you're still in there and quite easily accessible to us."

I heard Grace chuckle darkly in the back, clearly amused that I was getting nowhere. Sighing at her lack of support, I turned to Selfridge again.

"Look, that will just leave us defenseless out in the open, and you'll get your ass kicked by your superior when you have to explain why your little temper tantrum busted a forth of the science budget. You need our avatars up and running, or else the public won't let the RDA mine on Pandora anymore. We're your nice little cover to make the corporation look efficient but respectable. I have no qualms calling CNN for an exclusive interview on how your stupidity cost humanity the chance for a possible food source that might prevent our race starving to death in thirty years from now."

He looked ready to throw the com to the ground and stomp on it, but then he inclined his head in an exaggerated bow.

"I think we can find a compromise. What do you even want to stay out there for?"

"We're invited to a festival. Dr Spellman will probably haul in a Purlitzer prize for his observations of that, I'm sure the RDA will approve of good PR."

His eyes lit up at that, and he scratched the bottom of his mask, belatedly realizing that he couldn't reach his chin.

"I'll make you a deal, we let you stay out until ten in the evening, that should be enough to observe some of their hoodoo voodoo dancing. If Quaritch will let any machines out of Hell's Gate that late, that is."

He then punched the display, and a few moments later it turned into a split screen as he opened a conference call to Col. Quaritch. The head of security looked stern as always, the four white scars on the right side of his shorn head standing out as he locked his teeth for a moment.

"Parker," he greeted Selfridge, then turned to me. "And who are you?"

"Dr Angela Caulfield. I was calling -"

"Caulfield," he mused, then his eyes hardened. "Wait, you're the insane one that endangered my Samson today in the AM, right?"

Clearing my throat, I did my best not to get right in his face.

"Actually I was just saving you some fuel."

He sneered, but before he could say more Parker spoke up again.

"Hey, people, have your little fights when it doesn't cost the company bucks to keep up the com links! Colonel, our esteemed science geeks want to stay out tonight for a little R&R with the natives. Can someone from your people pick them up at ten?"

"After nightfall? Absolutely impossible."

I shook my head, casting around for words, but Parker beat me to it once more.

"Look, I know you fly missions at night, too. Just pick those three up and bring 'em home. I'm sure it's less of a hassle than having them in my face for the next month or so. Just do it. If you have to, offer a twenty percent bonus to your soldiers."

Quaritch was still looking positively pissed off, but I could tell that Parker was pulling the strings and he couldn't say no to what sounded more like an order than a question.

"You better set something aside for the vet benefits, too, if you want me to authorize that on a regular basis. I'll send out a Samson with two Scorpions, they should cover most hostile airborne. But if you get dragged from the sky by one of those Leonopteryx beasts, don't blame us!"

Gearing up for a snarky reply, I was interrupted yet again, only this time by Mar'kay. I hadn't noticed the Na'vi coming closer, let alone listen in on us, but he seemed to understand what the last part had been about.

_'_Toruk_ won't bother you tonight. He doesn't fly the night of the hunt.'_

I frowned at him, steeling myself for an explanation along the lines of Eywa protecting us because of the special occasion that I personally didn't believe and would never be able to sell to Selfridge and the Colonel, but his arguments were surprisingly sound.

_'We hunt the Sturmbeest for their hides, meat and tendons. Ten hunters on _ikran_ are enough to bring home parts that the clan can use, but there is still something left of the animals. _Toruk_ will come and feast on that. He doesn't hunt when he is well fed. He won't hunt the Na'vi nor the Sky People tonight.'_

I nodded, then turned back to the com where the other two were already waiting for a translation, Selfridge bored, Quaritch with an even darker face than before.

"He told me that they leave the cadavers out there after they've taken what they can use. Pretty much every predator in the bush should be busy with the cleanup, the larger ones probably also with the cleanup crew. It's as safe to fly tonight as it'll ever get. So? Do we have a deal?"

Selfridge nodded, clapping his hands once as if to applaud his own negotiation talent.

"Awesome! Now get back to whatever highly interesting mud digging you were doing!" he chirped, then switched off the com. Quaritch kept staring at me for a moment longer before he narrowed his eyes at me, his finger pointing at the screen.

"Not one minute later, do you understand me? Or I'll make sure you won't ever get out there again."

I forced myself to grin brightly at him, which wasn't even that hard considering my mood picking up rapidly now that another obstacle was out of the way.

"Sure, Colonel. See your men at ten!"

Signing off before I could say something that got me into real trouble I got up again. Mar'kay grinned at me before he ducked out of the tent, walking over to his banshee. I could only venture a guess what he must be thinking of us humans bickering around like this. It was probably a good thing he kept his thoughts to himself.

I considered where I might leave my present, the _chey_ as the Na'vi called it. I had the distinct feeling that a lot of the nonverbal conversation going on during the last two days was in some way connected to it, but I figured Mar'kay would eventually tell me if he thought I should know. In the end I hung it over the container we kept spare clothes and our bedrolls in, before leaving the tent.

Norm was already grinning from ear to ear as I emerged, and even Grace gave me a curt nod, even though she still looked pensive. Unable to hide my own excitement then, I let out a loud whoop.

"Guys, we're gonna have us a party tonight!"


	16. Chapter 15: In The Past

**J. Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

**

* * *

Chapter 15: In The Past**

Minutes later Tanku took off, and with the camp disappearing behind us, the last of my gloomy mood evaporated. I was once again sitting in front of Mar'kay, feeling the sun warm my body where his wasn't touching mine, and I was simply _happy_.

Our flight was a short one, just a few kilometers following the river towards the mountains. After we had gotten off the banshee's back Mar'kay sent him away, Tanku screeching excitedly as he flapped his wings. I was a little uncomfortable with suddenly being out in the wilderness away from the camp and Hometree, but Mar'kay hadn't even brought his bow so I figured he didn't expect any trouble here.

Walking along the riverbed of a smaller creek that ended in the big stream we went deeper into the forest. Our progress was slow as I stopped often, ogling a plant or picking up pebbles from the water running between my toes, but the Na'vi didn't mind me taking forever. After a while I became aware of the loud droning of a waterfall somewhere in front of us, and when we finally reached it, Mar'kay gestured me to follow him as he stepped right through the sheet of water. With no possibility to avoid getting drenched I hopped after him, instantly forgetting about my discomfort when I saw what lay behind.

I had expected a small cave, but the natural cavern behind the waterfall was huge, and in the dim light filtering in from behind me I could see that it led deeper into the mountain. But what really took my breath away were the colors.

Due to the security protocols on Pandora I hadn't made it outside into the forest after dark yet. Of course we had a kind of garden in the Avatar Compound, but the base was always flooded with light, never getting dark for real. So I had only heard of the fabled bioluminscence inherent to pretty much everything growing and running around on Pandora. Now I got to see it myself first-hand.

A few meters into the cavern, away from the last direct sunlight, everything around me glowed in soft neon colors, green, blue and magenta predominantly, but also red and purple hues on some of the plants. The colors didn't stop there but continued over my and Mar'kay's body, the small, geometrically aligned dots that usually nearly disappeared in the tiger stripe pattern now shining brightly. Mar'kay was highly amused as he watched me flip my hands over and study the lines running down my legs.

_'You're looking just like on the first day you came into the forest. So happy, not so glum as you usually are in your camp.'_

I snorted, then tried to stop ogling the trails of color the dots on my tail left as I kept swooshing it around my legs.

_'You're overdoing it. I'm always happy when I'm in the forest.'_

He grunted, nodding for me to follow him deeper into the caverns.

_'Maybe you even believe that, but it's not true. Like today, when you were talking to the other Sky People. You were tense, unhappy. Grumpy. You're always like that when you're around Grace and Norm, too. Less so with Jake, but I can still tell. You're lying to them all, and it's not good for you.'_

Sighing, I skipped over a few stones, fascinated by the moss under my feet lighting up in vibrant neon green.

_'I told you before, I can't change it. I couldn't come back if I didn't keep to my story.'_

Even in the near darkness except for the markings I could see his frown.

_'You don't know that.'__  
__  
__'You don't understand. It's complicated.'__  
__  
__'Then tell me. Make me understand.'_

I felt his gaze bore into me, and after a moment I raised my eyes again to meet his.

_'You don't want to know. Trust me.'_

He grunted something under his breath then, clearly frustrated, but left it at that, instead changing the subject.

_'Are you already sorry you didn't bring your things to take pictures of this?' _He indicated the glowing world around us.

I shook my head immediately, laughing.

_'No. I'd rather see it with my own eyes, anyway.'_

Mar'kay seemed surprised by my answer, but then he grinned.

_'Good. Come, much more to see deeper inside the caves.'_

Hours passed as we explored the neon colored world, walking and climbing over rocks and along small riverbeds. I really felt like a child waking up in a strange dream world, exploring with wide eyes and full of glee. I soon forgot about our more serious conversation, instead listening to Mar'kay telling me stories of his childhood and some legends of the tribe, keeping things light and pleasant.

When we re-emerged into the sunlight on the other side of the cavern system, it was eeiry to see the world in normal colors again. We had covered more ground than I had expected, and were at the edge of the Hallelujah Mountains now, the huge floating rocks laid out before us in a stunning vista. Mar'kay led me along some small, stony paths still higher up, until we reached what looked like a suspension bridge, only formed of roots and vines spanning the gaps between smaller floating rocks, all over the wide river.

Probably anticipating my hesitation, Mar'kay took my hand and drew me along as he nimbly walked over the root path, as sure as if he were on the ground a few hundred meters below. Nausea threatened to hit me but I kept telling myself that it would need more than a mis-step to fall off the nearly two meter wide bridge, and when even the wind tugging on my body couldn't throw me over the edge, I slowly relaxed. On and on we went until we were close to the middle of the path, where Mar'kay finally stopped, sitting down close to the edge of the roots so his legs were swinging free. I remained firmly in the middle, trying to let the visual impressions push away my perpetual dread.

I nearly lost my calm when he didn't hand me my lunch - a few of those deliciously sweet blue fruits I still didn't know the name of - but instead threw them into my lap. Catching two but having to scramble after the third I came close to the looming abyss, and grumbling under my breath I steadied myself on Mar'kay's shoulder before leaning forward and picking the fruit up. During the motion my fingers slipped down a little, skimming over his skin - and finding a few pit-shaped marks. Straightening again I looked where my fingers were still resting below his shoulder blade, following the curving line of what were without a doubt scars from a volley shot from an assault rifle. Even in direct sunlight they were hard to make out between the bioluminescent markings and blue and cyan stripes that covered his body, but it still surprised me that I hadn't noticed them before.

When I looked up again I saw that Mar'kay was studying me, his large yellow eyes curious, and it was impossible for me to gauge his reaction. I had to admit, it shouldn't have been that much of a novelty that he had fighting scars - he had never really told me about any encounters with the RDA soldiers, but from hints and comments I had picked up that he had had first hand experience with the less diplomatic side of the colonization of his world. But those were a lot of scars, and I could only venture a guess that even with the carbon fiber enhanced bone structure, the bullets hitting lower must have gone past his ribs and right through his internal organs. I knew that the Na'vi were tough, but nothing was really resilient when it came to high velocity powered ammo.

I wanted to ask him when he had gotten the scars, and also how he had survived, but felt that the question was probably too personal. RDA soldiers didn't just randomly fire at a lone Na'vi hunter in the woods, and chances were good he had lost friends in the assault.

_'Don't you want to know? I have more scars, on my right hip and down my leg, both knees. I don't mind telling you the story.'_

It didn't really surprise me that he had picked up on my curiosity. He had proven in the past weeks that he could read me like an open book, and the topic was probably obvious.

_'If you don't mind telling me?'_

He smiled, shaking his head before he bit into one of the fruits.

_'I don't. But it's a long story. Complicated. I don't want to bore you.'__  
__  
__'You can't bore me. I just don't want to tear open old wounds.'_

For some reason he found my words amusing, but his laughter was a little hoarse.

_'Trust me, you cannot do that. But you might not like what you hear.'_

I sighed, for a moment looking down on my right hand, wishing I could see the acid burns there that now not even my human body exhibited anymore.

_'I know how the RDA works. I'm amazed every day that any Na'vi would talk with us humans.'_

_'It's not that. You might not want to hear the rest. What is connected to this,'_ he lightly touched the band the Na'vi girls had tied around my arm, his fingers lingering for a moment before he sat up straighter. _  
__  
__'How so?'_

His smile turned into a lopsided grin, real humor resurfacing in his eyes.

_'The _chey_ that Marali and Annu made for you - it's a sign. A gift. They are greatful that you make me smile again.'_

I couldn't help the frown coming to my forehead, inadvertently amusing him.

_'I don't understand.'__  
__  
__'Marali, the elder woman, our master weaver? She is the mother of my mate.'__  
__  
_As his words sank in my stomach lurched, but only for a moment until confusion took over. The Na'vi didn't do casual relationships - they mated for life. As far as I knew from Grace's book, for them their equivalent of marriage also meant that the families kind of merged, creating more close knit bonds between the individual members. I could guess that like with us, certain people still didn't get along well with each other, but their society worked on a concept of unity, not individuality. That he was close with his mother in law was not so surprising - but that she would like me, who I had been pretty much spending my days flirting with her son in law, was beyond my comprehension. It made no sense, and the knowledge that he was married made me insanely uncomfortable. Still, no way around my next question.

_'You have a mate?'__  
__  
__'I had. Lianin died three years ago in the attack on Grace's school.'_

I felt even more guilty when the lump in my throat disappeared at his words. Also, that left me with nothing I could really say that didn't sound incredibly stupid, so I stuck with the usual.

_'I'm sorry.'__  
__  
__'Don't be,'_ Mar'kay answered almost immediately, a weird look coming to his face. When he saw my confusion, he sighed.

_'The Na'vi do not grieve like you Sky People do. She's with Eywa now, and all her ancestors.'_ He paused then, the pain on his features clearly belying his words - until he spoke on. _'She is responsible for her death, and so am I. And up to this day I am not really sorry for it.'_

Today was clearly confuse the gullible human day, and Mar'kay flashed his teeth in a brief smile when he saw the look on my face.

_'I told you it was a complicated story. I should start at the beginning.'_

He paused once more to finish the fruit half-forgotten in his hand, then leaned against the root while his eyes strayed from me out into the floating mountains, not really seeing them.

_'I wasn't always a hunter. My calling was that of a singer,'_ his eyes momentarily turned to me as he explained, _'one who gathers the stories of the clan and sings them at the rituals. My mother was a singer, too, and she always wanted me to follow her. She never lived to see me finish my training, but I know she is sad that I lost my path.'_

More news of loss that I didn't know how to respond to, but Mar'kay went on without waiting for an answer from me.

_'My parents died when I was young, winter sickness. Maybe if they had been around, I would have been less foolish later.' _He paused to laugh, then stretched out further, looking languidly lazy in the sun.

_'When I was twenty summers old Marali and Lianin joined the Omaticaya. They were from the Tipani clan, and their village was destroyed by the soldiers. Marali was saddened by losing her family and wanted a better life for her daughter.__  
__  
__'I fell in love with Lianin when I first saw her. She was different than the other girls of my clan. She liked me, but she told me she would never mate a singer. So I became a hunter, for her.'_

He sounded sad, but at the last part he grinned.

_'It was a good decision because I got Tanku. He never liked Lianin. He is smarter than me.'_

Biting into the next fruit, he went on.

_'I don't know what you know about the Na'vi mating. I know you don't believe in Eywa like we do, but we know that she blesses unions that are meant to be, and sends a message when two people do not belong together. Almost always she approves of the match, but sometimes people are foolish. They should listen to Eywa.'__  
__  
_His eyes narrowed then.

_'It is custom to spend the whole night together. Bonded. Only after waking up, _Tsahaylu_ is broken, when both know Eywa approved of their mating. I dreamed bad things that night, and when I woke up, Lianin was gone. I thought the dreams meant that I would lose her, that Eywa didn't want us mated because she would die. I was sure she had woken up and seen the same, leaving me because she didn't want to see the pain in my eyes. I didn't understand, and I could not let her get hurt, so when the _Tsahik_ asked later, I told her that we were blessed by Eywa. Lianin never spoke up, and I forgot about it fast, cherishing the time with her.'_

He swallowed hard then, and I could see that what he was about to tell me didn't sit well with him.

_'Soon things turned bad. I loved Lianin, but she didn't love me. I had to realize that she had only wanted me because I was tall and strong, a good hunter, and through me she could talk to many people of the clan. Her mind was full of revenge for the Tipani, and she didn't want to hear anything about a peaceful solution with the Sky People.__  
__  
__'Before she came to us, I helped Grace build her school. I had a talent for the Sky People language, and she taught me while she learned about the ways of the Na'vi from me. She was sad when I didn't come to her anymore when I became a hunter, but when Lianin and I grew distant, I returned to the school. Lianin didn't approve, and we fought a lot. She called me weak, my spirit not that of a real hunter. Grace was the first who asked me why I stayed with Lianin when it was plain that we didn't get along. Lianin's mother Marali was the second.'_

Again he stopped, and when he resumed he turned to face me, his tone becoming more intent.

_'Marali knew her own daughter well. She saw that I was miserable, while Lianin was not. She also saw the reason why - Lianin had secretly found another mate, one of the warriors of the tribe who didn't think that learning about the Sky People was important.'_

_'Wait, she cheated on you?' _I must have looked rather puzzled then, making him grin wryly.

_'You see, the Na'vi don't lie, but that doesn't mean we always tell the truth. Sometimes keeping something hidden is the same as lying. We are not as perfect as Grace thinks we are.'_

I nodded slowly, and he went on.

_'I didn't say anything for a while, but I got sick from having to live like that. So I confronted Lianin, asked her that we go to the _Tsahik_ so she asks Eywa for advice. We do not separate often, but sometimes things change and mates don't stay together. But Lianin didn't want to, she still needed my influence with the clan. We had more fights, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone else.__  
__  
__'I spent my days mostly at the school then, helping Grace teach, also singing our songs to the children. I was happy again, ignoring Lianin. But then she became pregnant, and I couldn't ignore her any longer.'_

His grimace turned positvely glum then, and when he didn't go on I cleared my throat.

_'It wasn't your child, I guess?'_

Mar'kay shook his head.

_'No, we hadn't spent a night together in months then. But I still cared for Lianin, and everyone was happy for us. I felt like the child was a blessing from Eywa, and I begged Lianin to stop going on raids against the RDA soldiers. I begged her to stay at home until it was born, and I would raise it. She laughed at me and called me a fool. Then I begged her again that she would cut me loose, but she only kept on laughing.'_

By then I was nearly glad that she wasn't alive anymore, because I wasn't sure I could have trusted myself around her. Even now I could tell that Mar'kay was still hurting about what he told me, but words failed me. So instead of saying something stupid I reached out and squeezed his shoulder, making him smile for a moment.

_'What happened then?'__  
__  
__'Lianin and the other hunters became careless. They had attacked the machines that were unguarded mostly, but then they didn't scout and ran into a whole group of soldiers with the metal fighting skins.'_ He paused for a moment to mimick the typical motion of an AMP Suit in full pursuit._  
__  
__'Half of the raiding party didn't survive the attack, the others fled with the soldiers right behind them. They thought they could hide in the school, that the soldiers would not attack one of their own.'__  
__  
_His laugh was mirthless then.

_'Neytiri's older sister, Sylwanin, was the first to reach the school. They shot her right inside the door frame, in front of all the children. Grace realized immediately what was going on, and she was not so naive to think the soldiers would stop outside the school. She started herding the frightened and crying children out through a back window, while she shouted at me to barricade the door to slow the soldiers down.__  
__  
__'Lianin was right outside. She saw me, screamed at me to help her. I was so angry at her because she had caused all this. She had brought the soldiers to the school because she was a coward, and now the children would die because of her. So I shoved her back and shut the door in her face, leaning against it so she couldn't get inside.'_

Mar'kay's voice had turned nearly soundless by then.

_'They shot her right there against the door she was banging at. The bullets that killed her went through the wood, right into my body,' _he briefly touched his thigh, indicating the scars there._ 'I couldn't stand anymore and the weight of my body against the door kept the soldiers out long enough so Grace could save most of the children. But then they came inside, yelling and shooting. They wounded us both, and left is there to die.'_

Like everyone who had been in Hell's Gate three years ago, I knew the last part of the story, but hearing his side only horrified me more. I guessed it said a lot about me that I was more comfortable talking about carnage than personal things, though.

_'How did you survive?'__  
__  
__'A few hours later several of th__e dreamwalkers came. Grace screamed at them to just let her die, but they brought her back to your base. They also patched me up as much as they could and removed the bullets. I think they would have tried to help more, but then people from my clan came and they fled. It was the last time I saw her until Jake talked Mo'at into letting Grace back into the our territory. She has changed a lot. Grown bitter.'_

He trailed off there as if he hadn't really intended to say the last part, but when he turned back to me his eyes held a certain beseeching quality.

_'You need to understand her. I know you think she doesn't like you. I think she just wants to protect you.'_

_'Protect me?'_ I echoed lamely, blinking in confusion.

Mar'kay nodded.

_'She lived with us for nearly seven years. Going into the forest every day. I think until the day of the attack, she didn't feel like one of the Sky People anymore. But then they took everything away from her, everything that was her life. She told me about your home while we were lying there, barely alive. She told me that you don't see the sky because of the clouds. That you don't have clean air to breathe or fresh water to drink. That your world is starving. She told me she never wanted to go back there, but that at the same time she wished she had never left so she wouldn't have seen our world, a perfect world to her. I think she doesn't want you feeling the same.'_

I had never considered her often borderline rude behavior like that. It kind of made sense, but it was also hard to console these words with the strong, independent woman who had more or less single-handedly documented everything we knew about this world.

Then again, the thought that she might care, in a way, for me, who should have been working on undermining everything she had worked for in the last decades, made me more than just a little uncomfortable.

_'She has no reason to protect me. She shouldn't even trust me.'_

The words spilled forth before I realized what I was saying, and judging from Mar'kay's surprised face they really came out of the blue. Part of me wished that I could take them back, but in the light of what he had just told me, I felt like I owed him a sincere explanation - and it also felt good to for once in my life stop hiding behind all the layers I had to build to get through my day.

_'Why not?'_

I sighed, but then answered without hesitating. The worst that could happen was that he would throw me right off the bridge, but I figured that would have been a solution for most of my problems, too.

_'This isn't my body. Dreamwalker body I mean. It belonged to another woman. The people I work with stole it for me to use instead of her.'_

His confusion remained, but a certain tension gripped his body that hadn't been there before.

_'You work with Grace.'__  
__  
__'I do, but I only work with her because others order me to do that.'_

I could tell that his confusion was slowly turning to suspicion, but just the fact that he seemed willing to let me explain rather than threaten me into spilling my guts gave me the strength to go on.

_'I am not what I try to be. I work against the RDA, from the inside. With a group of other people. We try to make them fail. I have been doing this for a long time, since the RDA killed my brother. Their latest idea was to convince Grace to help us. But they don't really want the same things she does, they only want to use her. I was stupid and let them push me into this. Now I don't know what to do anymore.'_

Mar'kay considered my words, his momentary silence weighing heavily on me.

_'What is it that you want to do? Your heart will know.'_

_'What I want to do doesn't matter.'_ Sighing, I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them, momentarily hiding from him. _'I gave up my life when I came here. I think I don't even know anymore how thinking for myself works.'_

He was silent for a moment, but then I felt his fingers gently nudge my cheek until I turned my head to look at him. Pursing his lips, he snorted.

_'Then start today. Make your own decisions. Stop waiting for things to change. You Sky People always rely on what you call fate. Even when you claim you don't believe in gods. Maybe you will know what you want once you start doing things yourself. Make your own life. Don't be like me and wait years for things to change only to have to live with the consequences.'__  
__  
__'I'm alreay living with the consequences,'_ I admitted, still feeling the burn on my skin where he had touched me for just a moment.

Ideals I had given up. Social life. Everything I had worked for since I could remember, and in the end even my identity. If I looked back now at the last fifteen years of my life there weren't that many moments I felt I would miss if for some reason I lost my memory, too.

Until I had stepped out of Trudy's Samson into the lush forests of Pandora. Since then, every second counted. And some so much more than others.

The silence between us turned heavy with that realization, his eyes boring into mine, unblinking, but I couldn't make myself look away, either. I also didn't know what to say, because quite frankly, I had never been in a situation where I felt like every single word that left my mouth could change everything I cared about.

My savior in more ways than one Mar'kay finally dissolved the moment by laughing softly, looking away to once again gaze out into the floating rocks in front of us.

_'For what it's worth, you feel real to me. All the things you told me - your name, why you are here, that you don't know what to do. You feel real to me here, and here,'_ he indicated his forehead and his heart. _'Maybe they do not only want you to lie to others, maybe they also want to you lie to yourself. Make you think that you are not really you.'_

I wished I could believe him, but for once this was something I couldn't explain away with words. I had seen Deanne shoot the real Angela Caulfield, had felt blood and other things I didn't want to think about hit my face because I had been that close to her. But as for the rest, he was probably right. If I wanted to change things, today was as good as any day for that.

_'You are right. I shouldn't let others play me like that anymore.'__  
__  
__'And you should tell Grace. And Jake.'_

I bit my lip, but his gaze was so serious that I could only nod.

_'I should. But not today. I need a little more time for that.'__  
__  
_My words clearly disappointed him, but after a few seconds he nodded.

_'Today would be a bad day. Grace would probably try to kill you and then you could not go to the festival. Or I would have to hide you from her and you could not go back, and then your grumpy Sky People would try to kill us. You are trouble! I like that.'__  
__  
_Clearly amused by his own words Mar'kay got up, and not waiting for me to follow him he snatched my hand and drew me along. I tried to protest but it was futile, and he only let go again once I stopped trying to resist.

_'And you are easy to drag along. I like that, too!'_

I sneered at him which only made him laugh harder, bringing a bright smile to my own face.

_'Stop making fun of me or I will show you how I intend to follow my own ideas!'_

He shook his head, clearly ignoring me. I tried to look indignant, but that was hard while skipping along the root bridge and grinning like a madwoman.

_'You better believe me! If you don't stop teasing me I will just sit around tonight and talk to Grace. I will ignore you!'_

Mar'kay stopped at that and I nearly thought he took me serious for once, but when he grinned into my face I knew he was successfully calling my bluff.

_'No, you will not. You will eat, and you will drink, and you will dance. And if you resist, I will make you enjoy yourself. Tomorrow you can be stubborn, but tonight we're going to have fun.'_


	17. Chapter 16: Celebrate

**Disclaimer: James Cameron owns everything Avatar.**

**Sorry the update took so long but I had a rather busy and no backup chapters to post in the meanwhile. Things should get better next week!  
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Chapter 16 - Celebrate**

Time flew by, and before I knew it, late afternoon had approached and we had to return to Hometree. Although my mood had received somewhat of a dampener by the most serious talk I had had with anyone in ages, by the time the sun reached the horizon I was in high spirits again, and Mar'kay was teasing me mercilessly about me having fallen into a small creek when we had traversed it earlier. I was just happy I hadn't broken my neck, and while trudging back to camp soaking wet was not among my top five events to happen, it could have been worse.

Mar'kay escorted me until we reached the clearing but excused himself when he saw Grace and Norm hailing me, promising he would rescue me soon enough if I didn't show up at Hometree on my own.

I had to admit, knowing more about Grace's past made me regard her with different eyes, but in the end what had happened didn't excuse her abrasive nature completely. It only confirmed that, like so many other people who ended up in Hell's Gate, she was bitter and utterly disappointed of the cards life had dealt her. If not for the smiles I had seen her wearing when she had been talking with some of her former students or teaching the Na'vi children I would have thought she had given up entirely.

"Glad that you found the time to join us in your undoubtedly busy schedule," she greeted me, pointedly staring at my still wet clothes, but I ignored her.

"Do you know what exactly will be going on tonight?" I asked her instead of reacting to her taunt. I was surprised when Norm answered instead of her.

"The Na'vi celebrate the acceptance of a young hunter into their ranks. And while this is not yet the ritualistic end of Jake's initiation, the fact that he now has his own _ikran_ and proved himself on the Sturmbeest hunt is worthy of recognition. Until now we've only heard recounts of these festivals, and it's indeed a huge step that they invited us!"

He was so excited that it wouldn't have surprised me if he had been jumping up and down. Still wearing his vest and baseball cap, he seemed even geekier than usual, and not for the first time I wondered how he in particular must look to the Na'vi.

"Just don't do anything embarrassing," Grace chided him mildly, then turned to me to bestow about the same look on me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I assured her, and not for the first time wondered if she could make out a blush on my cheeks or not. As it was, I was rather grateful that Mar'kay had filled me in on his background and in particular his relations to some of the people I would doubtlessly meet again tonight - while I didn't really care what Grace thought of me, I didn't want to do anything that would piss off his mother in law, or any of the other women who probably thought they had to keep an eye on me lest I not trample on the feelings of this particular sensitive blue flower.

The thought cracked me up, earning me a glare from Grace, but when I answered it with a smile and a conceding incline of my head, she went on.

"The last thing I want is the Na'vi thinking that we just see them as something we study, although I hope that our understanding of their rituals and life will be improved greatly by what we will experience tonight. So observe and be polite, don't ask any stupid questions. Also don't take any unnecessary equipment with you, I already bit Norm's head off when he asked if he could take a recorder with him."

Norm visibly blanched even though Grace was still looking at me, making me grin.

"Just be yourselves, and if possibly, not the obnoxious, raunchy part. Do what they do, don't stick out as the weird Sky People that they know we are. They invited us as friends, so behave like that. Meaning you drink anything they offer you, you eat what they expect you to, as revolving as it might seem to your narrow human minds. Your avatar bodies can digest everything perfectly - and just to be sure, I want full checkups tomorrow, the same as urine and feces samples when we get to the compound tonight, and in the morning again. Understood?"

I groaned loudly, but I could see the sense in that. While I was sure that someone had sooner or later done a thorough analyzing spree on the avatar metabolism, we would likely come in contact with all kinds of food and drink tonight that hadn't been available to us before. Some biochemist or other would have a field day over that. I probably should have felt more enthusiastic, but of late, my mind wasn't too interested in the _science_ behind the whole experience anymore.

"Sure thing, just glad the kitties are potty trained," I shot back, receiving a curt nod that clearly told me that Grace was as reluctant to engage in hostile banter with me as I was in returning the favor.

"Great. Goes without saying that I want extensive video logs tonight, and we'll sit down in the following days to go through them so Norm can get the most out of this. Now let's head over there, it's impolite to be late."

I couldn't agree more, hard pressed to hide my excited grin as I followed Norm and Grace on the short trek over to the Omaticaya village.

Approaching Hometree, I was stunned to see the whole area surrounding the massive roots completely transformed. There were sources of light and decorations everywhere, and the few Na'vi still working on last minute preparations were all dressed up - which for them meant brightly colored sashes and garish paint on their bodies, their thick black hair done up in elaborate dos.

Off to the side I could see the hides of the hunted animals already hung up for drying, resting on huge stands. As we came closer I realized that the whole ground floor of Hometree that was usually used as a common area for work had been turned into what I presumed was the place where the festivities would take place. The whole clan was gathered around several huge bonfires, the meat of the sturmbeests already roasting over the flames. They must have been preparing for this event for a while, considering that there was enough dry wood to not only provide a source for warmth and light, but also serve for cooking.

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits already, Na'vi sitting and standing around everywhere, chatting loudly, while a few had taken up residence near the central double helix structure that led further up into the tree, playing a bunch of primitive but surprisingly melodic instruments. Dancers mingled with the onlookers and those occupied with eating and drinking, and at least to me everything around me seemed bustling with life.

Several of the Na'vi looked up when we approached but most ignored us, only a few curious or hostile glances meeting us. I didn't know where to go but before I could ask Grace, a familiar voice hailed us from across the central cooking pit.

"Hey guys, ever here, come join us!"

We found Jake amids a group of young hunters. Grace followed us over there but then apparently saw someone she knew, and taxed Norm an me one last time.

"Remember, behave yourselves. I would even say don't do anything stupid, but we already know how well that advice went with our marine here. Just don't make me regret taking either of you into the jungle with me."

And off she went. Norm and I exchanged glances, but he shrugged it off and went over to Jake, so I did the same. The hunters made room for us while Jake resumed his previous talk, which was apparently a recount of the hunt this morning. He was wildly mixing English and Na'vi with a lot of gestures and enthusiasm, and while I was sure that some of his avidly listening crowd where there entirely for the humorous entertainment, I got a true sense of acceptance from them for him. The very same sentiment seemed to encompass Norm and me also, and before long we were all chatting and laughing away.

A while later I felt a light thud beside me, and when I turned my head around, I found Mar'kay sitting next to me, looking as relaxed as if he'd been there the whole time instead of mere seconds. I flashed him a grin that he answered instantly, before I turned back to continue listening to Jake's war story. I was pretty sure that by then the actual events had been greatly exaggerated, but I had to admit that he had a talent for this, even though he was sorely lacking the vocabulary.

The meat finally done, the huge ribs were cracked and distributed amongst the people, while smaller pieces, still larger than my palm, were handed out to children and the elderly for whom it might have been a significant challenge to either gnaw or cut off chunks. I felt a little self-conscious eating with just my fingers after letting the meat cool down enough to hold it, but the Na'vi clearly didn't stress any table manners tonight. And after one bite of the delicious, incredibly tasty meat I really didn't care anymore.

Soon jugs with water and leaf plates laden with fruit and vegetables were reached around for everyone who favored a more distinguished diet, and before long I felt like my senses were having a festival on their own. And evidently believing in the same as we humans did - no party without booze - huge trays with bowls containing some fermented juice were passed around.

_'It's tradition that everyone drinks,'_ Mar'kay explained when I eyed the bowls with distrust, and before I could protest he took one and held it out to me. _'The Na'vi show their friendship by presenting the bowl to others. You don't take it for yourself, but for someone else.'_

I accepted the offered bowl, still a bit wary, but at his approving nod I brought it to my lips and took a small sip. The liquid was surprisingly sharp in taste, but like everything else very fragrant and quite pleasant in the way it tingled on my tongue and down my throat as I swallowed. Drinking a little more, I realized that it was also strong, and that finishing the bowl would very likely leave me tipsy, if my avatar reacted anything like my human body.

After licking a stray drop from my bottom lip I set my own bowl down and picked up another one from the tray, offering it to Mar'kay. He accepted it grinning, and without much ado drank the whole contents in a few deep swallows.

Apparently getting drunk was also on the agenda tonight.

Meanwhile Neytiri had also joined our fire, drawing a few displeased gazes from some Na'vi girls to her when she crouched down next to Jake. I was a little surprised when Tsu'tey sat down next to Norm, and after listening to Jake for a while, joined the conversation. From my run-in with him when I had first come to Hometree I had figured that he was still holding a massive grudge against all of us, Jake in particular, but he looked downright pacified. He and Jake soon started drinking together while their tales veered off from today's hunt to previous encounters, both clearly bonding over the recounting of similar experiences. I had seldom seen Jake so happy, and I didn't even need the alcohol to plaster a permanent grin onto my face. But oh boy, that stuff helped.

Full dark hadn't even arrived yet when I found myself laughing over pretty much everything Mar'kay or anyone else said. I had to admit, I didn't really care all that much about Grace's warning anymore, and considering even Norm seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself as he was chatting in his slightly too stunted Na'vi with the hunters around him, I figured I couldn't do anything wrong.

_'Do you have similar celebrations where you come from?_' Mar'kay asked me as he handed me another bowl. I scowled at the offering for a moment but then took it nevertheless.

_'We do. Although the food is never that good. And neither is the company.'_

He grinned at that, but instead of answering he reached for one of the smaller platters being distributed all over the cooking pits. I watched with a mixture of fascination and revulsion as he picked up a sauce covered larva and ate it, smacking his lips at the taste.

_'You need to try some _teylu' he of course confirmed my suspicion of his display of liking the food.

_'I really don't think so.'__  
_  
Mar'kay chuckled at the face that I was making, then scooped up another jumbo shrimp like piece and held it out to me. I half expected the thing to still wriggle, but of course it was cooked and could no longer enhance my paranoia about this.

_'Tastes great.'__  
__  
__'I'll just take your word for that,'_ I tried to fend him off, hard pressed not to stare at the presumably tasty morsel.

_'Eat it or I will tell Grace that you didn't.'_

I stared at him for a moment, then narrowed my eyes.

_'Have you been spying on us?'__  
__  
_Mar'kay shrugged, not trying to hide his amusement at my accusation.

_'Maybe. You were too loud not to listen in.'_

It was still a little disturbing to realize that even when he claimed to leave me alone, he kept hanging around, but I couldn't bring up the energy to protest. His threat aside, he didn't look as if he was very serious, and as usual seemed too delighted in taunting me.

As my glare had long lost any effect it ever had on him, I figured I would have to repay his cockiness in another way. I was sure my stomach could definiately take more than my pride today. Licking my lips I hesitated a moment longer, before I leaned forward and picked the _teylu_ up with my teeth. Mar'kay started laughing, but the sound quickly cut off when I closed my lips around his fingers and sucked them clean of the remaining sauce. Our eyes met for a moment and swallowing became hard, but then I looked away, laughing as I munched on the surprisingly sweet larva.

_'You're right, it's quite good,'_ I admitted, but he didn't really seem to hear me. I chuckled which tore him out of whatever daydream he'd been lost in for a moment, and pointedly turned away from him as I finished the next bowl of fermented juice.

I knew I had been gloating too much about my small victory when Mar'kay suddenly took my hand and drew me to my feet, the fast motion nearly unbalancing me. I caught myself a moment later leaning against him, drunk hysterical laughter spilling over my lips.

_'Enough drinking for you!' _he proclaimed as he steadied me, he himself not too sure on his feet. _'Now's time for dancing!'__  
__  
__'No, no, no, I'm way too drunk for that!'_ I tried to protest, but to no avail. He just tugged me along, dragging me away from the relative safety of the cook pits and out onto the already rather full space in front of the musicians. They had in the meanwhile stocked up, bringing more drums and flutes, and a few Na'vi were singing along to the thrumming rhythm.

_'No! I don't know what to do! I can't dance!'_ I tried one last time to evade him, but he wouldn't have any of that.

_'Of course you can dance, everyone can! Just move to the music. There are no steps, nothing you can do wrong. Just have fun!'_

And before I could protest any further he tugged me along right into the fray of moving bodies. I started laughing when I lost my balance as he let go of me, but standing hunched over while everyone around me was in motion was weirder than trying to fall in with the rest. A few awkward moments later I more or less started moving with the crowd, and had to realize that it was actually quite fun to stomp and twirl around with the others. Although the twirling and swaying was probably more due to the alcohol coursing through my veins.

Someone then decided to start a chain of people dancing and hopping around the fires, and of course Mar'kay had to snatch my hand and draw me along to join. In passing I picked up Neytiri's hand, who promptly drew Jake along, cutting the probably tenth recount of his hunt today short. He briefly grinned at me before he dragged one of the hunters at the fire up himself, and off we went, stumbling and laughing.

It was a night of celebrating life, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Our line broke up after a few minutes when too many people seemed unable to safely traverse the roots anymore, but that didn't hinder us joining the throng of dancers in front of the musicians again. My inhibitions greatly lowered I let my body pick up its own rhythm to the beat of the drums, becoming one with the people around me. I might have deliberately brushed up against Mar'kay once or twice, but the Na'vi didn't really dance in pairs, which my toes and tail were rather grateful for.

I would have gladly spent the whole night like this, or even eating and laughing at one of the fires, but way too soon Grace appeared in front of me, pointedly nodding towards the darkness outside.

"Fifteen minutes until we need to be at the pickup site. You better start saying your good byes!"

I felt rather mutinous for a moment, but I could tell that she didn't look any more ready to leave than me, so I just nodded, and with a sigh stepped out of the mass of gyrating bodies. Grace left to hunt down Norm, who had taken residence with the drummers, procuring an instrument for himself and looking rather enthusiastic banging away on it. None of the other people I knew by name were in sight so I turned to Mar'kay, who had followed me.

_'I need to go. Thank you, it was a really great evening. I had a lot of fun.'__  
__  
_He nodded, his usual "told you so" grin on his face.

_'Me too. Come, I'll bring you to your camp.'_

We took off then, not following the main path but using the shorter, slightly more dangerous trek over a few of the roots extending outwards from Hometree. While my head had cleared a little, I was still tipsy enough that my balance was off, and for once Mar'kay didn't laugh at me when he had to catch or steady me. In fact he looked rather satisfied when I didn't let go of his arm.

My head was still spinning from all the impressions from the festival, so I wasn't too unhappy that he didn't speak as he lead me through the neon sprinkled darkness. I couldn't resist tapping a few of the huge lichens we passed, the plants lighting up a vibrant green as I touched them. Walking through the caves earlier had been impressive, but seeing the whole forest alight with bioluminescence was simply taking my breath away. Again. Mar'kay really must have thought me quite simple, considering how often his world left me gawking.

A few minutes later we reached the camp, the clearing oddly dark and devoid of light as nothing except a few patches of moss glowed there. We remained standing under one of the huge ferns, soft cyan light from the fronds washing over both of us. I could hear the helicopter and gunships coming closer already, their din sounding so foreign to me now after spending the whole evening surrounded by music and voices only.

_'Can't you stay here? We'll be drinking and eating through most of the night, and I could tell you the stories of my clan. And I could also show you my hammock,'_ Mar'kay helpfully supplied, already stepping out of my reach, laughing at the last part.

I chuckled, but shook my head.

_'I can't. Not after the talk I had today in the morning. They'd never let me come back out here.'__  
__  
__'Then just stay. You don't need to go back to the Sky People home. You could stay with us. Jake also stays with us.'_

Sighing, I looked up to catch Mar'kay's gaze.

_'I would love to, but I can't. Jake is the exception. I cannot stay here.'_

He didn't look happy about my answer, but after a moment he nodded. While I was glad that he left it at that, part of me was also annoyed that he accepted my denial so easily. Yet before I could let the grumpiness sweep me away he picked up a magenta glowing blossom from the plant next to us, and grinning brightly pushed it into my hair at my right temple. The blossom was so fragrant that I could smell it even without bringing it to my nose. As he stepped back Mar'kay's fingers brushed along my cheek, and I felt the warmth linger even when he withdrew his hand again.

_'So you take something from the forest with you into your gray world,'_ he offered, his voice rapidly getting drowned out by the landing Samson.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder at the helicopter, unnatural white light flooding the clearing around it. Grace and Norm were already sprinting towards it, and I knew that any moment that I lingered would be a problem later, but I simply didn't want to go. Yet when I turned around Mar'kay was gone, only a few swaying fern fronds showing where he had snuck off. I stared at the spot where he had been a moment ago, before I forced myself to turn around and join the others.

I didn't bother strapping myself in, not did I don the headset and throat mic to join whatever conversation they had. Norm was babbling with excitement, but I kept staring out into the night, watching the glowing landscape flit by underneath us. I felt oddly lost and alone, as if a part of me _had_ remained in the forest with the Na'vi, leaving the rest of me barely able to function.

We reached the base without any incidents, although one of the door gunners looked practically broken over being unable to fire his precious rifle at least once. Grace shooed us off towards the hut, reminding us again that we needed to leave samples. I let her and Norm go first while I remained sitting on the steps outside, not wanting to accept that the day was over yet as I stared into the relative darkness beyond the fence.

Finally I couldn't dally any longer and quickly finished my business, then changed into night clothes and climbed into my bunk. A last deep breath, my nose filling with the fragrance of the flower making me smile one last time before I broke connection - waking up to a body that felt small, frail, and no longer quite my own.

I stared up at the coffinlike link unit, then rubbed my face with my hands while I let the images of the day pass in front of my closed eyes once more. I could hear Grace and Jake exchange some words but did my best to ignore them, not ready to confront reality again. I was tired and thirsty, and the thought that I would spend probably an hour or two with recording the video log made my stomach churn.

I wasn't ready yet when I heard the upper clamshell of my link unit open, cool air rushing in around my sweat soaked body. I still sat up, figuring the sooner I got to fulfill my duties, the sooner I'd have Grace off my back.

Letting my hands drop to my sides, I slowly opened my eyes again, my vision still swimming with exhaustion. My ears picked up a weird mechanical sound in front of me, my subconscious instantly slamming my whole body into alarm mode, but my brain was too sluggish to make sense of my heart suddenly thumping in my throat.

Blinking to clear my vision I looked up, finding the rather impressive muzzle of a SN-9 Wasp revolver right in front of my face, Jake's gray eyes as hard and unwaving as his hand holing the weapon behind it.

"You've got one chance to explain who you are and what you're doing here, and you better convince me unless you want me to empty the magazine right between your eyes. And do it fast, because nothing Grace has told me keeps me from pulling the trigger."

It was probably only my weariness that kept me alive as I was too stunned to react, saving my brains from getting splattered all over the link unit. The only thing my mind could come up with was a rather emphatic "Fuck!" that thankfully never reached my vocal chords.

Busted.


End file.
